Twinspin23

Hello. I dated a PIR for almost 3 years on and off and he broke it off 3 months ago - he's 3 years sober and according to him"solid". he's in sobriety house as "house master" and let me go to focus on himself.. I miss him terribly though he was very critical of me and a as narcissist always was seeking attention - he would give me the silent treatment and go on Tinder or another dating site. But I was getting close to his family as well. I am so confused and hurt- I am hear to find some clarity and chat with others who have been left behind in a relationship.

tekink

cheaters will always hurt you and they tend to always cheat.

Maudcat

Hi, Twinspin.
Welcome.
It doesn’t sound like there is much to miss about him.
I think time and distance will bring clarity.
Glad you are here. Keep coming back.

DontRemember

If he's 3yrs sober,is really "solid" and you two have been on/off for so long.. I'd guess you're his 'backup plan' if he's single or lonely. Could have nothing to do with his DOC at all. Just a breakup.

saoutchik

I agree with with Maudcat Twinspin, narcissism and critism of you who helped him get sober is not an attractive package. I'm sure you will be grateful he broke it off in the long run.

Berrybean

Just because he was in recovery doesn't mean he wasn't a big meanie as well. Sounds like you're well rid of him.

It might be worth exploring why you were willing to be treated like that in a relationship so you can move on and avoid this happening again. No one deserves to be treated like that. Unfortunately we have to be the ones who ensure that it doesn't happen, by walking away quick smart if we find ourselves to be in a relationship with someone that way inclined.

Is counselling a possibility?

BB

Berrybean

PS the friends and family area might be a good place to find others with the specific experience that you're seeking in common.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

Anna

I don't know that this breakup has to do with recovery, but more to do with him and his personality. I'm sorry that you are hurting. Breakups are always painful.

Maudcat

I’m reminded of a saying popular round here:
“Just cuz they’re sober doesn’t automatically make them good relationship material.”

Dee74

I know it must hurt now but I think in time you'll see you had a lucky escape, honestly.

What would a life with an over critical tinder surfing narcissist offer you?

I think there's more to 'solid recovery' than just not drinking, but that's just my opinion

D

Twinspin23

I appreciate all the feedback. I guess as a widow he felt like he was competing with a ghost no matter how much attention I showed him - don't get me wrong we had our amazing fun times too. I guess I don't understand how I could be discarded and talked to as if I was a stranger. And yes, his recovery did play a huge part - his meetings - bringing others to meetings and being house master - yet, I never stood in his way and encouraged him. I guess I wanted more than seeing him once a week and in the end a 20 min drive was too much for him. I know there is still love there and no one is perfect - I am just curious as to the behavior of a Person in recovery in a 3 year relationship - 3 years sober.