nowinsituation

Two years ago my 2nd husband and I split up.... It was 10 years ago my XAH and I split. It was nowhere near as painful and complicated as my 2nd marriage, even though alcoholism was not in the picture. (Although I suspect some type of personality disorder - likely histrionic, doesn't quite seem like narcissism.....)

Two years ago - after 7 years together (4 married) 2nd X tells me he doesn't love me anymore, but that he wanted to be roommates, and friends. I was so in love with him, this devastated me. We had (for all of our relationship) cycled through episodes of him having "inappropriate" communication with other women. He would never accept my definition of this as cheating.... claiming they were just friends and nothing every happened. We were in one of these cycles at the time -- and they always ended with him professing his love for me and promising it wouldn't happen again.

This time I somehow found the strength to kick him out and file for divorce. He moved on and began dating someone else right away. I spend lots of time with my friends, and was able to rebuild my relationship with my son's family (my 2 grandson!!) as they had disliked my 2nd X and eventually "disowned" me for being with him. I had started a new job right before the split, and it was (is) very demanding. I basically moved on, and didn't beg him to come back. I haven't been able to move on romantically, though.

My 2nd X and I had built a business together of investment real estate. It was going very well, and financially the smartest move was to keep it going. It was in a separate LLC, so the marriage/divorce did not affect it. We were amicable, and were able to keep it going --- easy tenants and solid properties meant it didn't take much time; and we both got some extra income out of it. We also had 2 dogs together that we shared custody of - each having them for half the week.

So, this meant we had to have regular contact with each other. A big part of me always hoped I would hear those words from him - that he made a big mistake, he still loved me, and wanted to get back together.

Well..... fast forward a year and guess what??? He still loved me, he made a big mistake, he wanted to get back together! I was so sure that I would be cautious and protect myself. First he had to break up with his girlfriend (he did). And we would date, and see what happened. We did. I felt that anxiety coming back immediately, but was also happy. My friends (and our former "couple" friends) were confused - but supportive. Didn't tell my son, wanted to be sure and on stable ground. Soon, though, the distance started.... and he told me that he had decided to get back together with the girlfriend... Ouch, but OK, not a lot invested. But seriously, lots of ouch.

We continue to communicate about business and dogs. Then - six months later he and girlfriend have broken up. Since he can't stand to be alone, and he has no real friends, we would hang out. Well, mostly he would show up at my house uninvited and cry on my shoulder about girlfriend - then try to kiss me.... I saw it for what it was, but have to admit it caused me some emotional pain. I held my boundaries in regards to physical relationship - but should have not allowed the emotional relationship either. He and girlfriend got back together again - and things were "normal" again for us.

But, I knew I needed to protect myself more. I decided to only interact with him if it was related to business. (By now, one dog had passed away - and I had "full" custody of the other). He noticed, and "apologized for anything he did that had upset me". I told him I was not upset - but that our "season" was over, and it was time to move on. Rental tenants and market conditions were right for liquidating the business as well -- so I got him to agree to that.

He has made comments about hoping we can still be friends after.... and I have not responded. Then - a couple of days ago dropped big one... Texted me that he has never been able to get me out of his heart, and that he still loves me. Doesn't know what he will do if he can never talk to me. I remained silent - then a few hours later a text asking if I am seeing anyone. So, I answered and told him that "there are no paths that lead us back together again".

And..... since he and girlfriend are planning to buy one of our rental properties - and I know he can't afford it on his own - I stated that I was questioning the stability of their relationship and whether we should proceed with the purchase?

Oh my, then the back-pedaling began, lol:
"No, my relationship is just fine" (WTF???)
"I probably wouldn't have pursued anything with you - even if you had said you were interested".... ummm OK?
" Let's just move forward" OK, fine..

Now, I just want to get on my high horse and tell him he hasn't changed a bit - and that I feel sorry for his girlfriend, that he is doing the same thing to her - that he hasn't changed at all -- and that he is crazy if he thinks I would ever take him back again.

But, I am not engaging - and keeping my serenity..... and telling you all about it instead.....

Biting my tongue so hard it is bleeding.....

Ariesagain

Well isn’t he special.

That poor girlfriend, buying property with him. That will just entangle her further.

But you, smart woman, are shaking off the last chain. Good for you!

Sending you a hug.