mielz

You guys I’m struggling so much, I stayed sober for 5 years but this past year which would have been year 6 has been a slippery slope,
I am one year married and it has been 360 days of crying my eyes out. My husband just returned from a trip and after two days of intense fighting last night he pulled out half a bottle of whisky he drank some poured the rest down the drain , I couldn’t sleep ridled with anxiety I woke up shaking he fought before work I was home alone and fished out the bottle from the recycling and there was 1/2 tbsp oh Liquid inside and I drank it and then freaked out. It all feels so heavy on me like I don’t know how to get out of this nightmare so I drink too let the thoughts go quiet.

mielz

Also it was at 830 this morning and I still feel shaky and anxious and unstable. But I know 1/2 tbsp couldn’t do that. But what is happening then??

comtnman740

Hi Mielz,
First off congrats on the 5 years…wow that’s amazing! I’m sorry you’re having a rough go of it lately. Stress is a trigger for me too and the easy thing to do was to pick up a bottle. I doubt that a tablespoon of alcohol would do anything physically but I can understand why you would obsess over it. I mistakenly took a sip of cider that I didn’t know had alcohol in it on Saturday and was obsessing about it. I've realized that acceptance is the key. I know one thing that always helps me is to get to a meeting. Is that possible? Of course if it isn’t hang out here and keep posting. Maybe taking a walk would help? What did you do during that 5 years that was working for you? Sometimes it’s fine tuning our program that makes all the difference. Hope I helped!
Garrison

DreamCatcher17

I am sorry for your situation. Are there issues in the marriage, and that's why you've been crying a lot? If so, counseling?
Hit an aa meeting?

mielz

Thank you for reaching out and thank you for the advice I will do that.

mielz

Yes major issues and we start counselling on dec 13 I feel like a ball of nerves leading up to this date

Anna

I'm sorry that your first year of marriage has been so tough. I hope that the counselling helps.

Dee74

I'm glad you're starting counselling Mielz - I hope it will really help
If you don;t mind me asking, how did you feel for the 5 years you were sober?

D

DreamCatcher17

I hope it helps resolve those issues. You come first in your world, do whatever it is for you to be happy even if it means saying goodbye.

mielz

I felt amazing during those years the first year was hard and I didn’t make good choices cause I was trying too replace alcohol with men even though I was in a relationship but the men in my a.a group all made me feel so special and beautiful but it was about a year in that I realized they did that too all the young girls who came through the doors. After that year life became clear and I knew what I wanted and things weren’t so messy in my head but I struggled a lot still with self confidence and self worth

Dee74

Are you still going to AA? maybe womens meetings would help?

D