First Month Down
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
First Month Down
Hello all, long time lurker, first time poster.
I am an alcoholic, wino, I guess. I like a certain wine, from a certain winery and won't drink if I don't have it, but will drink anything and everything once I have had a few glasses of it. Even though I dislike beer and get sick from hard liquor.
I always knew I had the alcoholic genetic make-up, there are alcoholics in my family, not my parents, but a grandfather and uncles, cousins. I was with an alcoholic, he passed after we split, but we were together 8 years and I resisted at first the vortex, but eventually succumbed. I began drinking not the volume he drank, but certainly similar frequency.
I married the love of my life, shortly after splitting from my ex, we built a beautiful family, we have a great home, but I got depressed and fell into the drinking pattern, even after climbing out of depression, I have never been able to stop the binge drinking. Confined to weekends, I just drank until I passed out, sometimes starting early in the day.
I am not doing AA in face to face meetings, I do the on-line ones and I just sit and read, I am working my way slowly through the Big Book. I am a little shocked it is taking so long to read, generally I can put about 100 pages away in an hour, but it's been a couple weeks and I don't think I am much farther than page 300. I do know, with these sorts of books, you read and absorb when you are ready, so I am accepting the slow pace going through. (By comparison, Allen Carr's EasyWay, I knocked off in an hour when I quit smoking)
I feel really good about where I am, I am committed to never drinking again and as one of the companies I run does event planning, I always have a sober plan for those, I have never drank at work, was never a soccer mom with vodka in her water bottle, most people would be shocked to hear me admit I am an alcoholic. Never a DUI, never a run in with the law while drinking, which is probably why I was able to continue for so long. The occasional fight with my husband, but for the most part, I drank after he went to bed.
Christmas is worrying me a bit, we spend 2 weeks travelling, the culmination is of course a giant New Year's eve party, but it's family (husband's), they only drink for special occasions and one brother in law doesn't drink at all, I figure I will grab club soda, orange juice and grenadine and mix up tropical slushies for myself and the nieces and nephews too young to drink. Nobody would get drunk anyway, we have our kids with us.
So I am here reading, learning, absorbing. I just wanted to say hello!
I am an alcoholic, wino, I guess. I like a certain wine, from a certain winery and won't drink if I don't have it, but will drink anything and everything once I have had a few glasses of it. Even though I dislike beer and get sick from hard liquor.
I always knew I had the alcoholic genetic make-up, there are alcoholics in my family, not my parents, but a grandfather and uncles, cousins. I was with an alcoholic, he passed after we split, but we were together 8 years and I resisted at first the vortex, but eventually succumbed. I began drinking not the volume he drank, but certainly similar frequency.
I married the love of my life, shortly after splitting from my ex, we built a beautiful family, we have a great home, but I got depressed and fell into the drinking pattern, even after climbing out of depression, I have never been able to stop the binge drinking. Confined to weekends, I just drank until I passed out, sometimes starting early in the day.
I am not doing AA in face to face meetings, I do the on-line ones and I just sit and read, I am working my way slowly through the Big Book. I am a little shocked it is taking so long to read, generally I can put about 100 pages away in an hour, but it's been a couple weeks and I don't think I am much farther than page 300. I do know, with these sorts of books, you read and absorb when you are ready, so I am accepting the slow pace going through. (By comparison, Allen Carr's EasyWay, I knocked off in an hour when I quit smoking)
I feel really good about where I am, I am committed to never drinking again and as one of the companies I run does event planning, I always have a sober plan for those, I have never drank at work, was never a soccer mom with vodka in her water bottle, most people would be shocked to hear me admit I am an alcoholic. Never a DUI, never a run in with the law while drinking, which is probably why I was able to continue for so long. The occasional fight with my husband, but for the most part, I drank after he went to bed.
Christmas is worrying me a bit, we spend 2 weeks travelling, the culmination is of course a giant New Year's eve party, but it's family (husband's), they only drink for special occasions and one brother in law doesn't drink at all, I figure I will grab club soda, orange juice and grenadine and mix up tropical slushies for myself and the nieces and nephews too young to drink. Nobody would get drunk anyway, we have our kids with us.
So I am here reading, learning, absorbing. I just wanted to say hello!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Welcome, MyLittleHorsie, and congratulations on one month.
It’s good to have a plan in place if you are going to be in places where drinking is happening, like restaurants and parties.
What will you drink instead?
My sober drink of choice in these situations is ginger ale or tomato juice,
What will you say if offered a drink?
Etc.
Anticipate the squishy spots during your trip, and you can meet them head on.
Good luck.
It’s good to have a plan in place if you are going to be in places where drinking is happening, like restaurants and parties.
What will you drink instead?
My sober drink of choice in these situations is ginger ale or tomato juice,
What will you say if offered a drink?
Etc.
Anticipate the squishy spots during your trip, and you can meet them head on.
Good luck.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 373
Congrats on one month? Day 26 here, close behind you. I have stumbled and relapsed many times, and I finally got honest with myself and realized it was the lack of a support network (and using it) that doomed me. I too have read many books on recovery and the Big Book, but for me reading alone wasn't enough. I now realize I need action, need to get out and be with other alcoholics in person to share my story and lean on them. That may not be the case for you, but maybe something to consider.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
Thank you for the welcome.
I did tell my husband I was a bit worried about Christmas. I tend to drink club soda out in public or tonic water. We will be staying at my in-laws and that is where the party will be, so I am a guest, but not a guest anyone would think couldn't get their own drink. All our usual parties coincide with events I am doing, everyone knows I do not drink while working. I figure I will just use jet lag or IBS or something... We will have been there 3 days by new years and their cooking has a lot of fat and sodium, so it won't be a lie lol. Plus I am always on a diet or cleanse or training for a bike race. I told my husband the plane will be the hardest, free booze, I might have to downgrade my ticket lol. I don't worry about parties. I have had some conversations with my AV. Friday night I went to a store to grab a few things, this store carries the wine I drank, there was a bit of temptation. The other night I was laying in bed and thought, I will never have omelettes and wine after church on a Sunday, then remembered it has been at least 5 years since we did that anyways. It probably would never happen again anyways, ever since i had my gall bladder removed i cannot eat eggs on their own.
My husband said, I didn't mean I wanted you to quit completely, just cut back. I said, there is no cutting back or moderation for me. I either embrace sobriety or let this disease continue until I lose everything I have ever worked for and love. I also joked if I quit now, it is going to cost a lot less in botox and fillers in a few years lol.
I am trying to figure out when I can do an AA meeting. My husband works crazy hours, I am gone 7 to 5 daily and then I am at the dance studio, hockey arena, riding arena... the next two weekends are insane, by then things will be quieter, the majority of my events are over and I can figure out a couple dates and times I can try out a couple groups. I think there might be one at our church even. I want a plan in place before the icky threes. For now I can laugh at my AV, tell it to go pound salt but i want more in place before i become comllacent in recovery and before vacay.
I did tell my husband I was a bit worried about Christmas. I tend to drink club soda out in public or tonic water. We will be staying at my in-laws and that is where the party will be, so I am a guest, but not a guest anyone would think couldn't get their own drink. All our usual parties coincide with events I am doing, everyone knows I do not drink while working. I figure I will just use jet lag or IBS or something... We will have been there 3 days by new years and their cooking has a lot of fat and sodium, so it won't be a lie lol. Plus I am always on a diet or cleanse or training for a bike race. I told my husband the plane will be the hardest, free booze, I might have to downgrade my ticket lol. I don't worry about parties. I have had some conversations with my AV. Friday night I went to a store to grab a few things, this store carries the wine I drank, there was a bit of temptation. The other night I was laying in bed and thought, I will never have omelettes and wine after church on a Sunday, then remembered it has been at least 5 years since we did that anyways. It probably would never happen again anyways, ever since i had my gall bladder removed i cannot eat eggs on their own.
My husband said, I didn't mean I wanted you to quit completely, just cut back. I said, there is no cutting back or moderation for me. I either embrace sobriety or let this disease continue until I lose everything I have ever worked for and love. I also joked if I quit now, it is going to cost a lot less in botox and fillers in a few years lol.
I am trying to figure out when I can do an AA meeting. My husband works crazy hours, I am gone 7 to 5 daily and then I am at the dance studio, hockey arena, riding arena... the next two weekends are insane, by then things will be quieter, the majority of my events are over and I can figure out a couple dates and times I can try out a couple groups. I think there might be one at our church even. I want a plan in place before the icky threes. For now I can laugh at my AV, tell it to go pound salt but i want more in place before i become comllacent in recovery and before vacay.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Welcome and congratulations on one month of sobriety.
I'm glad you know that cutting back doesn't work for alcoholics. It's hard for others to understand alcoholism, which is why this place is so great. You will find lots of support here. One thing I would say, remember that 'No thanks' is a complete answer and you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you are drinking alcohol or not.
I'm glad you know that cutting back doesn't work for alcoholics. It's hard for others to understand alcoholism, which is why this place is so great. You will find lots of support here. One thing I would say, remember that 'No thanks' is a complete answer and you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you are drinking alcohol or not.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
It's great to meet you, MyLittleHorsie - one month is something to be proud of.
No cutting back or moderation - it was something that took me years to realize & admit. I wasted so much precious time & put myself in danger trying to moderate. It's good you see what needs to be done. You'll be saving yourself so much grief.
No cutting back or moderation - it was something that took me years to realize & admit. I wasted so much precious time & put myself in danger trying to moderate. It's good you see what needs to be done.
You'll be saving yourself so much grief.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Welcome!
Flying without booze is weird.
I flew home to visit my mom a few weeks shy of six months sober. It was an early morning flight, which usually meant a bloody mary in the airport then 2-3 screwdrivers on the flight to the East Coast.
I barely made my flight, 2 minutes to spare before doors closed, so the airport wasn't an issue on the outgoing. When they brought the drink cart I noted that I wanted one out of habit, but that was it. I watched movies and read and was more than happy.
Usually I'd have a quick 1-2 at the other end as well. Just walked right past, really not tempted.
Congrats on your 1st month!
Flying without booze is weird.
I flew home to visit my mom a few weeks shy of six months sober. It was an early morning flight, which usually meant a bloody mary in the airport then 2-3 screwdrivers on the flight to the East Coast.
I barely made my flight, 2 minutes to spare before doors closed, so the airport wasn't an issue on the outgoing. When they brought the drink cart I noted that I wanted one out of habit, but that was it. I watched movies and read and was more than happy.
Usually I'd have a quick 1-2 at the other end as well. Just walked right past, really not tempted.
Congrats on your 1st month!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hi.
I have found Big Book study meetings very useful. There are some great ones to listen to online - Joe and Charlie for example. https://www.recoveryaudio.org/?s=Joe...big+book+study
It took me a while to get used to the turns of phrase and language in general, which slowed my reading as well (this was frustrating as I'm an avid reader and not something I usually experience). But after a while, a bit like reading the bible, it became less laborious.
Glad you're posting.
BB
I have found Big Book study meetings very useful. There are some great ones to listen to online - Joe and Charlie for example. https://www.recoveryaudio.org/?s=Joe...big+book+study
It took me a while to get used to the turns of phrase and language in general, which slowed my reading as well (this was frustrating as I'm an avid reader and not something I usually experience). But after a while, a bit like reading the bible, it became less laborious.
Glad you're posting.
BB
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