SadandSober

Hi, I'm a 22 year messed up girl. I'm an alcoholic, anorexic/bulimic and suffer from extream paranoia anxiety disorder.

1 month ago I was in the hospital and was told my Liver is scary bad and I won't live past 30 if I continue to drink how I did. I've been sober for 3 weeks today.

She didn't mention a fatty liver or anything, she showed me high numbers. I called other places and showed them my numbers and one Pharmacy said it was near my liver would shut down. I got more blood work last week and tomorrow I see results.

Problem is I have a bottle of sweet wine in the fridge and I'm despertly trying not to drink it. It's extra hard , I weighed myself in this morning and since I've been eating more since I stopped drinking I gained weight and my Eating Disorder (which is trying to kill me ) is panicing because I havn't weighed this much in so long. I'm freaking out.

My extream paranoia is telling me I'll die if I have a glass, the liver will shut down. I don't know if I'm going to make it through the next 3 day without a glass of alcohol. Will it really effect me that bad?

Dee74

Hi sadandsober

I'm glad you found us. I was at my lowest ebb when I found SR and the support and understanding here really helped

I don't pretend to understand about an ED, but I know other members will.
Do you have a doctor you see about that or a support group? It sounds like you could use some support?

I know a bit about alcohol tho and that bottle is not going to do anything good for you. I know it's scary but the journey of a thousand miles has to start somewhere,

You have 3 weeks down - I think you should continue with that

Dump the bottle - we're with you

D

JJ991

Oh that is such a lot to be dealing with.

I've only been sober for 8 weeks myself so others will no doubt come on to help more! My first thought was why you have the wine? Can you get rid of it?

I appreciate how difficult it is to accept or put up with weight going on. I've put on a bit of weight too which doesn't sit well with me as I lost loads of weight a couple of years ago. I can't imagine how strong the eating disorder issue is though - it sounds like this is still an active issue?

It sounds to me that you're already giving yourself permission to have a drink? I don't mean to sound harsh. It sounds like your inner voices are putting up a full-on attack. You need to develop ways to somehow manage these.

What help are you receiving? Any therapy/counselling?

SadandSober

The bottle is my roommates, there is afew public bottles in our kitchen. But your right it feels like I am allowing myself the drink and I live in Germany so even without kitchen bottles it's such easy accsess to a drink-- theres a corner store with plenty cheap things to drink.

The eating disorder is still a huge issue yes but currently not as big as a threat to me as the alcohol so it seems, although they work hand in hand.

I have not been to any therapy or "professional" help until now. I'm looking for it, found some places and will be attending to my first group session this weekend maybe. I do have alot of help and support from friends and family.

Not sure how to stop myself from allowing alcohol without excuses myself for just slipping up better luck next time-- it seems I'm creating the excuse for intended slip up..

BixBees505

S&S, that is not paranoia speaking, that is your self-preservation instinct telling you that you cant have a drink without potentially fatal results. Stick with that attitude toward alcohol while you put a full press on getting pro help for ED and psychological issues. Only sober can you effectively address these.

You CAN do this. Many here have dealt with multiple issues. Sobriety doesnt solve everything, but it is prerequisite for solving anything.

Support and strength to you.

JJ991

Personally I only managed it with professional help, 1:1 counselling and group therapy. I gave myself permission to drink so often, I do understand. Try the help that is available & keep posting here if you can.

I know what you mean about access to alcohol. I'm in th UK. Just back from the supermarket where they are doing 25% off 6 bottles of wine! Encourages bulk buying!!

Try not to listen to the voice, don't give the permission.

biminiblue

I've spent a lot of time on a fitness/calorie counting forum and a lot of time on this forum. I was a compulsive anxious person too and that feeds right into addictions like alcoholism and eating disorders and then they keep each other going.

The bad thing is that those disorders also make healthy thinking difficult. They really mess with brain function, but by stopping the dysfunctional actions things started to heal for me.

Quitting drinking calmed me down so much - after the first few tense months, that is.

I read everything I could find about my unique issues. This site is great, there is also an Anxiety forum here, and a Mental Health section too. Read through all the sticky posts (they are at the tops of the sub-forums.) There is a lot of wisdom here and elsewhere and you can heal from these thoughts.

I have to keep close tabs on what I allow myself to think about. I can't go down the dark roads any more. It takes practice but staying away from alcohol long-term was the best thing for me for quieting my negative thoughts and anxiety.

I also get a little exercise outdoors every day. It resets my thinking and gets me out of myself.

Welcome to the forum.

Don't torture yourself with your own thoughts. You can change it. Keep searching.

SadandSober

Thanks for the replies wow, I will continue to use this site it seems as if it could help out.
I just found this site today while I was google searching about the Liver-- my intention deep down was to find some kind of support where that one drink wouldn't hurt me and it would be okay. I wanted to allow mysel that drink and I needed an excuse I guess-- but I found this site instead.

Still strong, have not touched that drink which has been screaming at me since I woke up. It's going on 6pm soon I'll watch some movies and find my sleep. Off to the Doctors tomorrow morning for my blood tests results! I hope my liver numbers dropped!

JJ991

Keep going, stay away from that bottle!

Oh and if your liver tests are better than you thought, please don't let that give you permission to drink either.

Stick with this site, it really is great.

Take care x

nez

Instead of asking yourself if it will really effect you that bad if you drink it, ask yourself if it will really effect you that bad if you don't drink it.