nonnie6

I am helping my sister lay her 40 year old son to rest today. He has been and alcoholic/drug user for approx. 15 years. Within the last few months he had tried to do better, getting a normal job, had slowed down on the alcohol...seemed kinder and less self absorbed and for that I am thankful. Then last friday, alone at home, he suffered a massive stroke. The stroke was definitely related to the years of abuse he had done to his body. My son is 31 and he too is an alcoholic/drug abuser. He has taken his cousins passing very hard and is on a hard downward spiral. I have not been able to reach him for days and although he was asked to be a pallbearer...I doubt he will show up. He has a history of getting really messed up and then attempting suicide so needless to say...this is very hard for me. I don't know if he is dead or alive at this point. Trying hard to keep my head on straight and make it through this day with my sister. Should I go look for my son? I have been calling and texting with no answer...I am really terrified to go to the motel he is staying in to see if he is ok...i'm scared of the pain of seeing what I will see...

Ilovemysonjj

Dearest Nonnie. I am so so sorry to hear about your nephew and the pain and incredible fear that you must have. In this case, I would probably go to the motel just to say you love your son. He is obviously in pain and feeling isolated. Please take someone with you though. This is a tough time for you all I am sure. Sending a prayer for your peace and comfort from our God.

HardLessons

Nonnie

I don't have advice or answers to your question, but I want you to know that I am extremely sorry for your loss. I also wish you the best possible outcome your son.

Please take care

Soulful

I am truly sorry for all the emotional turmoil that is in your heart right now. I can't even imagine. We are here for you.

Ann

My heartfelt condolences and prayers, Nonnie, for your nephew's family and for you and your son.

My heart hurts for all of you, the pain of losing someone we love to addition is a pain like no other.

May your son learn from this and find a better path.

Maudcat

Very sorry, nonnie for your loss.

nonnie6

Thank you all. I had my daughter call the extended stay my son was in since I had to ask him to leave my home about a month ago because he came home heavily intoxicated and verbally attacked me and my youngest daughter. They told her that he was arrested night before last , wouldn't give us details, just that he was, again, heavily intoxicated. I have searched everywhere trying to locate him, he isn't in the jail, he isn't in any of the hospitals that will talk to us, so I am freaking out a little. I am going to continue my search today and probably file a missing persons report. He has 2 vehicles and his personal belongings at the hotel. The lady there has asked me to come pick them up, which I fully intended to do. Then last night my husband asked me if I was sure that was the right thing to do. He asked would that be enabling him again? You see, I have had to move his personal belongings and pick things up for him, when he has gone off on binges many times before. What do you think? Am I once again, running to his rescue?

Maudcat

Boy, nonnie. That’s a tough one.
I confess that I don’t have an answer.
Perhaps others can weigh in on this.
I mean, on one hand, the longer his stuff stays at the hotel, the greater chances of it being stolen or vandalized.
Plus, I’m sure the manager doesn’t want abandoned for the moment vehicles in the parking lot.
On the other hand, it is kinda cleaning up another of your son’s messes.
I don’t know why, but I think I would go get his stuff.
Very sorry. Sending you good thoughts.

hopeful4

I am sorry nonnie, sorry for what you are going through. Sorry for the loss of your nephew. Addiction is awful.

I think you need to do what you are comfortable with at this point.

I am sending you huge hugs and prayers.

atalose

I am very sorry about your nephew and the current situation with your son.

Maybe when you file the missing person’s report you can mention that the hotel staff informed you that he was arrested but you are unable to locate him now. And maybe they can discover which jail he was brought to.

As for his belongings, the codependent mom in me says go get them, pack them in his truck and park the truck someplace safe. But the recovered codie in me says leave them and let the hotel deal with them as they normally would. They would probably have his truck towed some place and he would have to pay towing/storage fees in order to get it back.

Ilovemysonjj

Dearest Nonnie. First, file the report. At least you can find out if he is actually in jail or hiding out. I would probably pack the belongings . Just know that your son is not asking for any help so don't offer more than just the movement of the things out of the hotel lot.
Hang in there!
TT

Seren

Hi nonnie

I am so sorry for the loss of your nephew and for all that you are going through with your son!

In your situation, the late Mr. Seren and I have let the chips fall where they may in regard to Jr's belongings left somewhere. We finally decided that he was old enough to take care of his own things (or not) as the case may be.

We did file a missing person's report on Jr. at one point during his fun-filled crack days. One of the actions that the police took in our case was to search arrest, prison, and hospital records.

*Sigh* I hate addiction.

OpheliaKatz

I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope your son is okay. I think that if I were his mother, I would check on him. I think it would be hard to resist doing it. I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do. Please file a missing person's report. I hope he's okay.

hopeful4

How are things today nonnie? Thinking of you!

sixth

That is EXACTLY the advice I got from the Crisis Line with my son on Heroin. I'm new, hello I Love My Son JJ. I'm terrified to turn him away.

But it is the only way! I, like you am afraid to get a call that... Oh my.
I can't stand the thought.

Good luck with all of this hunny, Nonnie. There's nothing worse to endure. I'm praying for you (#2 on my list) Also going to send to our "Prayer Worriers" at church. No names, just what we all need to pray for.

*hugs*