Recovery is about thinking of yourself less
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,271
Recovery is about thinking of yourself less
The other day, I was on line to get tea. There was a plain dressed, unassuming woman behind me. She had a serious look about her.
I stepped to the side to wait for my tea. The woman gave something to the girl behind the register. The girl beamed with joy over what the woman gave her.
I was curious, so I asked her what it was. She told me that it was a $5 gift card to give to either the next customer or anyone who needed it. The card said "God Bless, enjoy!" and it had a smiley face.
I told the woman I was so touched by observing her random act of kindness. I asked her about it. She told me that her 4 sisters always get together in the fall to enjoy a pumpkin spiced latte, and she wanted to pass on the gift.
I asked her if she's done this before. She has. I asked how do people react? She said now she usually leaves before she sees who gets it. She told me about one time she was still there. The person next in line was a very well dressed man. She figured he didn't need it, but actually---he did--just not in the way she thought. He started to get teary eyed at her gesture, and said "No one's ever shown kindness like this to me before." It definitely moved him.
She said to me, "It's only $5 but it is such a blessing for me to pass it on and make a difference."
I don't know if she was in recovery or not, but I definitely thought in that moment, "here's a woman who thinks about others, and not just about herself."
Before recovery, I was constantly in my own head thinking about myself. Even when I thought I was thinking of others, I was really just thinking about myself. A gift of recovery for me has been to get out of my own head and genuinely think of others.
I stepped to the side to wait for my tea. The woman gave something to the girl behind the register. The girl beamed with joy over what the woman gave her.
I was curious, so I asked her what it was. She told me that it was a $5 gift card to give to either the next customer or anyone who needed it. The card said "God Bless, enjoy!" and it had a smiley face.
I told the woman I was so touched by observing her random act of kindness. I asked her about it. She told me that her 4 sisters always get together in the fall to enjoy a pumpkin spiced latte, and she wanted to pass on the gift.
I asked her if she's done this before. She has. I asked how do people react? She said now she usually leaves before she sees who gets it. She told me about one time she was still there. The person next in line was a very well dressed man. She figured he didn't need it, but actually---he did--just not in the way she thought. He started to get teary eyed at her gesture, and said "No one's ever shown kindness like this to me before." It definitely moved him.
She said to me, "It's only $5 but it is such a blessing for me to pass it on and make a difference."
I don't know if she was in recovery or not, but I definitely thought in that moment, "here's a woman who thinks about others, and not just about herself."
Before recovery, I was constantly in my own head thinking about myself. Even when I thought I was thinking of others, I was really just thinking about myself. A gift of recovery for me has been to get out of my own head and genuinely think of others.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 10
I'm with you on that. I'm pretty early in the recovery process but working in step 4 has really shown me how deeply self centered I am. I simply did not even think of other people at any given time. This is also very apparent in my relationships, I just never took time for you if I couldn't get something out of it in some way.
It's definitely eye opening and just seeing it has made a difference.
It's definitely eye opening and just seeing it has made a difference.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
I understand your post and it's truly positive. But, maybe I'm the one that stepped out of line. Whilst deep into my addiction, I entirely ignored myself and continued to care for others (people and animals). Their needs were met, albeit not optimally. Yet, at the same time, I completely and utterly, neglected myself.
It was only when I stopped drinking, that I started thinking about myself, my mortality, the damage I'd inflicted on my body. Then I started to think about myself (which was difficult) and I mustered some semblance of self-care and self-love. At almost 14 months sober, I can say that I finally think about myself, care about myself and dare I say it, finally love myself - that person I look in the mirror - after years of never looking in the mirror, through shame.
It was only when I stopped drinking, that I started thinking about myself, my mortality, the damage I'd inflicted on my body. Then I started to think about myself (which was difficult) and I mustered some semblance of self-care and self-love. At almost 14 months sober, I can say that I finally think about myself, care about myself and dare I say it, finally love myself - that person I look in the mirror - after years of never looking in the mirror, through shame.
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
Building something new!
A constructive,articulate and intelligent post, thank you...
Always a believer in the suggestion that others may help you by sharing their experience, strength and hope. Sobriety itself is an individual responsibility,no one can do it for you..
That said, in broader terms, I think that recovery itself isn't about getting back to you were before, it's about building something new..evidenced in your words, excellent
Always a believer in the suggestion that others may help you by sharing their experience, strength and hope. Sobriety itself is an individual responsibility,no one can do it for you..
That said, in broader terms, I think that recovery itself isn't about getting back to you were before, it's about building something new..evidenced in your words, excellent
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
Addendum
As part of the ongoing process off my recovery and my life, I see myself as a self directed student of the practices and principles of Stoic philosophy.
First attracted to it by its links to 'The Serenity Prayer' referred to in three of the books I have on the subject which might have well come from the lips of Epictetus himself!
Which suggests we 'honour our soul' by simply, having regard to all the circumstances and to the best of our ability try to, on a daily basis, our best ton be wise, temperate (self control) courageous (in our dealings with both others and ourselves) and just...
All of which seems appropriate,using logic and reason, which is the core of Stoic philosophy whatever path you choose to follow in both recovery and life.
'The time assigned to us is limited. If you do not use it to free yourself it is gone and will never return,' - Marcus Aurelius
First attracted to it by its links to 'The Serenity Prayer' referred to in three of the books I have on the subject which might have well come from the lips of Epictetus himself!
Which suggests we 'honour our soul' by simply, having regard to all the circumstances and to the best of our ability try to, on a daily basis, our best ton be wise, temperate (self control) courageous (in our dealings with both others and ourselves) and just...
All of which seems appropriate,using logic and reason, which is the core of Stoic philosophy whatever path you choose to follow in both recovery and life.
'The time assigned to us is limited. If you do not use it to free yourself it is gone and will never return,' - Marcus Aurelius
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