My boyfriend ditched his sobriety plan and went mia
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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My boyfriend ditched his sobriety plan and went mia
Hello, I have never posted before. I have been dating my boyfriend Josh for almost a year officially but we have been seeing each other for almost 3 years. He was sober when I met him and had been for years. But after a bad prior relationship he started drink and went down hill. Drinking went to drugs and now he is back on heroin. We went to my sisters to help him detox but the day before we went him he took off with a random guy he met and is now 300 miles away and won't talk to me. He keeps telling me he and I are fine and he loves me and could nece leave me, but told his friend we broke up and he needed to get away for a few days. Idk what to do or believe anymore. I don't want to lose him but he seems to be pushing me out.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
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Originally Posted by Littlelolo2009 
Hello, I have never posted before. I have been dating my boyfriend Josh for almost a year officially but we have been seeing each other for almost 3 years. He was sober when I met him and had been for years. But after a bad prior relationship he started drink and went down hill. Drinking went to drugs and now he is back on heroin. We went to my sisters to help him detox but the day before we went him he took off with a random guy he met and is now 300 miles away and won't talk to me. He keeps telling me he and I are fine and he loves me and could nece leave me, but told his friend we broke up and he needed to get away for a few days. Idk what to do or believe anymore. I don't want to lose him but he seems to be pushing me out.
And you won’t get it from a heroin addict.
As someone who just got through struggling for years to make an addict not drink (never works, only THEY can do that), I’d say you should go seen happiness elsewhere. I don’t think you’ll find it with him.
Welcome to the forum, this is the right place!
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
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Hi, Littlelolo.
Welcome to SR.
Sorry for your situation.
As you know, heroin addiction is no joke.
I sounds as though your SO is deep into it.
I hope you have support. Friends? Family?
I would let him go. Life with an addict is heartbreaking.
Welcome to SR.
Sorry for your situation.
As you know, heroin addiction is no joke.
I sounds as though your SO is deep into it.
I hope you have support. Friends? Family?
I would let him go. Life with an addict is heartbreaking.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
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Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like he's through yet. I'm sorry this is happening, but there really is nothing you can do to make him ready for sobriety. That has to come from deep inside himself. I hope you will decide to take care of yourself. You do deserve better.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
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Welcome Littlelolo. I'm very glad you found us. Soberrecovery can be a huge support for folks in your situation.
Most of us try hard to save or help the addict we love. I sure did with mine. After a time, I realized that he was most likely going to die or at best live a life that was very toxic. I figured I could die with him or choose to live on my own. I left him. It was beyond painful.
Many have found Alanon meetings to be helpful. Also the book, Codependent No More is something of a bible for people in relationships with addicts.
Big hug to you and let us know how you are doing.
Most of us try hard to save or help the addict we love. I sure did with mine. After a time, I realized that he was most likely going to die or at best live a life that was very toxic. I figured I could die with him or choose to live on my own. I left him. It was beyond painful.
Many have found Alanon meetings to be helpful. Also the book, Codependent No More is something of a bible for people in relationships with addicts.
Big hug to you and let us know how you are doing.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Hi LL
I responded to your similar thread on the F&F of substance abuser forum.
I just want to add that I found it odd that someone addicted to heroine would suddenly pick up & go 300 miles away. Heroine has a short half life & they need to use frequently. They typically stay close to reliable sources for their drug. If he did in fact suddenly go 300 miles away, something else is going on here.
Suddenly going MIA is common.
Thanks
I responded to your similar thread on the F&F of substance abuser forum.
I just want to add that I found it odd that someone addicted to heroine would suddenly pick up & go 300 miles away. Heroine has a short half life & they need to use frequently. They typically stay close to reliable sources for their drug. If he did in fact suddenly go 300 miles away, something else is going on here.
Suddenly going MIA is common.
Thanks
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
going AWOL for a couple days at a time is very common for active addicts. they go somewhere, with someone or someone's, hole up, get high, stay high, and then finally crawl home. that in and of itself is not unusual.....however the story you are getting - that he left with some "random guy" and is now "300 miles away" is very suspicious.
all that being said, he's an addict in active addiction AND he bailed on you and now won't speak to you. is that how you are willing to allow yourself to be treated by someone who claims to care for you?
all that being said, he's an addict in active addiction AND he bailed on you and now won't speak to you. is that how you are willing to allow yourself to be treated by someone who claims to care for you?
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
LL,
Welcome, glad you reached out. He won't talk to you... what do you need to say to him? He is an addict and doing addict "things", by getting high. He and you think this is acceptable to go mia for a few days, him come back and apologize then wash rinse and repeat.
You are going to find on this forum, not a lot of sympathy for your addict. They lie, they cheat, they steal and will do anything to support their addiction. You can not help him as sobriety is a one man show. If he has not hit his "rock bottom", he will not seek any treatment.
I would also cut ties, block him from all contact, phone, email, and all social media. I would seek some therapy for you and find out why you are accepting such bad behavior in someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Keep reading this forum and educating yourself about addiction.
Welcome, glad you reached out. He won't talk to you... what do you need to say to him? He is an addict and doing addict "things", by getting high. He and you think this is acceptable to go mia for a few days, him come back and apologize then wash rinse and repeat.
You are going to find on this forum, not a lot of sympathy for your addict. They lie, they cheat, they steal and will do anything to support their addiction. You can not help him as sobriety is a one man show. If he has not hit his "rock bottom", he will not seek any treatment.
I would also cut ties, block him from all contact, phone, email, and all social media. I would seek some therapy for you and find out why you are accepting such bad behavior in someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Keep reading this forum and educating yourself about addiction.
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