Please let this attorney be wrong!
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Please let this attorney be wrong!
Still awaiting trial. Still awaiting mediator's recommendation (WTF is taking so long?)
Received response filed by ex.
He makes no mention whatsoever of his positive drug test (meth). He acknowledges failure to appear for other test, but says he didn't receive the call.
He then says I question the children about things that happen while in his care, and when they don't give him the answers I want I hit them.
Wow.
It all seems so ridiculous, and a part of me thinks the judge would never believe him. But there's another part that just has no faith left whatsoever.
So I spoke to an attorney. She said I shouldn't be requesting supervised visitation. I said it's right there in our order that if either parent tests positive they would have supervised visitation. She said it didn't matter that the order says that- ultimately it's up to the judge. And my asking for it shows that I'm trying to punish him, rather than look out for the kids' best interests. Supervised visitaion is hard on the kids. It's only for very extreme circumstances.
Ex is surrounding kids with violent criminals, he's on meth, the kids are sleeping on the floor, not being fed, unwashed, they're seeing his friends passed out and acting strange.
"But they haven't been physically harmed."
My son ingested ex's oxycontin and was hospitalized!
"That was 5 years ago. You would need something that happened within this year- anything that happened before your order would be inadmissable."
So I guess I'm supposed to wait for physical harm? I can't understand this. Anyway, I won't be choosing her as my attorney, and I'm really kind of thinking I might as well go it alone. WTF is wrong with these people?
Received response filed by ex.
He makes no mention whatsoever of his positive drug test (meth). He acknowledges failure to appear for other test, but says he didn't receive the call.
He then says I question the children about things that happen while in his care, and when they don't give him the answers I want I hit them.
Wow.
It all seems so ridiculous, and a part of me thinks the judge would never believe him. But there's another part that just has no faith left whatsoever.
So I spoke to an attorney. She said I shouldn't be requesting supervised visitation. I said it's right there in our order that if either parent tests positive they would have supervised visitation. She said it didn't matter that the order says that- ultimately it's up to the judge. And my asking for it shows that I'm trying to punish him, rather than look out for the kids' best interests. Supervised visitaion is hard on the kids. It's only for very extreme circumstances.
Ex is surrounding kids with violent criminals, he's on meth, the kids are sleeping on the floor, not being fed, unwashed, they're seeing his friends passed out and acting strange.
"But they haven't been physically harmed."
My son ingested ex's oxycontin and was hospitalized!
"That was 5 years ago. You would need something that happened within this year- anything that happened before your order would be inadmissable."
So I guess I'm supposed to wait for physical harm? I can't understand this. Anyway, I won't be choosing her as my attorney, and I'm really kind of thinking I might as well go it alone. WTF is wrong with these people?
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
This lawyer sounds like a total idiot who knows nothing about addiction or children... or humans. I'm sorry but this makes me angry. What you are going through makes me angry. I really hope you find someone who can help you who isn't going to keep saying, "but"... "but"... and look at the very fact that exposing a child to an active addiction is an act of abuse. I can't believe the courts could do this (actually, I can, but I don't want to). I'm so sorry!
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: NORTHFIELD
Posts: 188
Here's the thing. I've heard a lot of bull out of attorneys. They are not god. They have Opinions.
No WAY after him testing positive for meth would I agree to unsupervised visits.
I'd maybe leave out the unwashed bit and sleeping on the floor. But I would be adamant that meth stays in the system for urinalysis for only a few days so it is recent. And I would throw out meth psychosis which is possible whether its happened yet or not (20% of users) as reason for safety concern. And 5 years ago regarding the oxy, still shows that he was willing and had put them in dangerous situations regarding drugs.
In the end, it is going to be what the judge says, not some lawyer who may be looking for the easy way out, less work.
Stick with your gut. Not what someone says.
No WAY after him testing positive for meth would I agree to unsupervised visits.
I'd maybe leave out the unwashed bit and sleeping on the floor. But I would be adamant that meth stays in the system for urinalysis for only a few days so it is recent. And I would throw out meth psychosis which is possible whether its happened yet or not (20% of users) as reason for safety concern. And 5 years ago regarding the oxy, still shows that he was willing and had put them in dangerous situations regarding drugs.
In the end, it is going to be what the judge says, not some lawyer who may be looking for the easy way out, less work.
Stick with your gut. Not what someone says.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Good grief. I hope that attorney is not a parent.
What I would do is sit in the court room during some other trials and get a feel for the judge. For myself, the attorneys were pretty able to tell me what to expect from what judge. The attorney is right on one count, it's up to the judge. I would also observe the attorneys there and see if there are any you think do a good job enough so that you would want them to represent you.
Just my two cents. Big hugs friend.
What I would do is sit in the court room during some other trials and get a feel for the judge. For myself, the attorneys were pretty able to tell me what to expect from what judge. The attorney is right on one count, it's up to the judge. I would also observe the attorneys there and see if there are any you think do a good job enough so that you would want them to represent you.
Just my two cents. Big hugs friend.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
I got the mediator's report and.....
Halleluljah!
Thank you, God! Thank you, thank you!
Not only was it completely in my favor, but apparently the probation drug test mediator had asked X to take (which I was wholly against, because I figured he would have had time to prepare for) was also POSITIVE FOR METH!
Mediator said that father clearly has a serious drug problem which he is unwilling to address, which of course is the first step of recovery!
He also mentioned X's abuse allegations against me and said he found them unlikely.
He's recommending SUPERVISED VISITATION!!!!!
Unfortunately, he says it should be by mutually agreed upon supervisor. Now how in the heck are we to agree on anyone? All of his family and friends are on drugs. BIG FAT NOPE.
It does say if we can't agree on anyone it will be at a professional facility, but that I should pay 25% of the cost. WHY AM I BEING PUNISHED FOR HIS EFF UPS? Especially when our court order clearly states a parent who tests positive should pay FULL?
Anyway, can't complain. I gotta golden ticket!
God bless that mediator.
Thank you all for your continued support.
Halleluljah!
Thank you, God! Thank you, thank you!
Not only was it completely in my favor, but apparently the probation drug test mediator had asked X to take (which I was wholly against, because I figured he would have had time to prepare for) was also POSITIVE FOR METH!
Mediator said that father clearly has a serious drug problem which he is unwilling to address, which of course is the first step of recovery!
He also mentioned X's abuse allegations against me and said he found them unlikely.
He's recommending SUPERVISED VISITATION!!!!!
Unfortunately, he says it should be by mutually agreed upon supervisor. Now how in the heck are we to agree on anyone? All of his family and friends are on drugs. BIG FAT NOPE.
It does say if we can't agree on anyone it will be at a professional facility, but that I should pay 25% of the cost. WHY AM I BEING PUNISHED FOR HIS EFF UPS? Especially when our court order clearly states a parent who tests positive should pay FULL?
Anyway, can't complain. I gotta golden ticket!
God bless that mediator.
Thank you all for your continued support.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Oh, the ups and downs of all this.
So, I had requested ex enroll in random drug testing program.
Mediator recommendation was for a different program- one that is more recovery oriented.
Well, that's great. I think it would be wonderful if he could enter some sort of program.
But I called to get more information. My questions:
1) Are drug tests random?
"No, they're not random. They're weekly. Anyone who can pass weekly drug tests does not have a drug problem."
Ex has been using meth for over 2 years! No one uses meth for two years without having a problem. And he was able to pass that drug test that he knew was coming. So I want random!
2) Are your drug tests witness collected?
"No, they're not witness collected. We're not probation officers. We're trying to actually help people.
Well, la-tee-dah. Personally, I'm done trying to help him. He doesn't even want the help, anyway, which is why he continues to deny he has a problem. And one of his drug tests was severely diluted, which means he's not above falsifying (or trying to). I want him to legitimately prove that he's not using meth. Is that too much to ask?
I'm meeting with another attorney tomorrow. Hopefully he'll have an answer on that. I don't want to look like I'm "punishing", but there's gotta be some oversight here, right????
So, I had requested ex enroll in random drug testing program.
Mediator recommendation was for a different program- one that is more recovery oriented.
Well, that's great. I think it would be wonderful if he could enter some sort of program.
But I called to get more information. My questions:
1) Are drug tests random?
"No, they're not random. They're weekly. Anyone who can pass weekly drug tests does not have a drug problem."
Ex has been using meth for over 2 years! No one uses meth for two years without having a problem. And he was able to pass that drug test that he knew was coming. So I want random!
2) Are your drug tests witness collected?
"No, they're not witness collected. We're not probation officers. We're trying to actually help people.
Well, la-tee-dah. Personally, I'm done trying to help him. He doesn't even want the help, anyway, which is why he continues to deny he has a problem. And one of his drug tests was severely diluted, which means he's not above falsifying (or trying to). I want him to legitimately prove that he's not using meth. Is that too much to ask?
I'm meeting with another attorney tomorrow. Hopefully he'll have an answer on that. I don't want to look like I'm "punishing", but there's gotta be some oversight here, right????
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Originally Posted by hopeful4 
Good grief. I hope that attorney is not a parent.
What I would do is sit in the court room during some other trials and get a feel for the judge. For myself, the attorneys were pretty able to tell me what to expect from what judge. The attorney is right on one count, it's up to the judge. I would also observe the attorneys there and see if there are any you think do a good job enough so that you would want them to represent you.
Just my two cents. Big hugs friend.
What I would do is sit in the court room during some other trials and get a feel for the judge. For myself, the attorneys were pretty able to tell me what to expect from what judge. The attorney is right on one count, it's up to the judge. I would also observe the attorneys there and see if there are any you think do a good job enough so that you would want them to represent you.
Just my two cents. Big hugs friend.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
This is really judgemental of me to say, but I know a lot of lawyers, and 100% of the ones I know won't do much if you don't pay them $400 an hour. It's not that they are bad people who don't care about right or wrong, they care about being paid. If you pay them enough, they will help you get something done, regardless of the rightness or wrongness of it.
Still, any lawyer who thinks kids should spend any time with an addict is... dumb (or immoral, but I'm being charitable and saying they don't know much about addiction).
Still, any lawyer who thinks kids should spend any time with an addict is... dumb (or immoral, but I'm being charitable and saying they don't know much about addiction).
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
The system is broken.
Originally Posted by Hechosedrugs
Oh, the ups and downs of all this.
So, I had requested ex enroll in random drug testing program.
Mediator recommendation was for a different program- one that is more recovery oriented.
Well, that's great. I think it would be wonderful if he could enter some sort of program.
But I called to get more information. My questions:
1) Are drug tests random?
"No, they're not random. They're weekly. Anyone who can pass weekly drug tests does not have a drug problem."
Ex has been using meth for over 2 years! No one uses meth for two years without having a problem. And he was able to pass that drug test that he knew was coming. So I want random!
2) Are your drug tests witness collected?
"No, they're not witness collected. We're not probation officers. We're trying to actually help people.
Well, la-tee-dah. Personally, I'm done trying to help him. He doesn't even want the help, anyway, which is why he continues to deny he has a problem. And one of his drug tests was severely diluted, which means he's not above falsifying (or trying to). I want him to legitimately prove that he's not using meth. Is that too much to ask?
I'm meeting with another attorney tomorrow. Hopefully he'll have an answer on that. I don't want to look like I'm "punishing", but there's gotta be some oversight here, right????
So, I had requested ex enroll in random drug testing program.
Mediator recommendation was for a different program- one that is more recovery oriented.
Well, that's great. I think it would be wonderful if he could enter some sort of program.
But I called to get more information. My questions:
1) Are drug tests random?
"No, they're not random. They're weekly. Anyone who can pass weekly drug tests does not have a drug problem."
Ex has been using meth for over 2 years! No one uses meth for two years without having a problem. And he was able to pass that drug test that he knew was coming. So I want random!
2) Are your drug tests witness collected?
"No, they're not witness collected. We're not probation officers. We're trying to actually help people.
Well, la-tee-dah. Personally, I'm done trying to help him. He doesn't even want the help, anyway, which is why he continues to deny he has a problem. And one of his drug tests was severely diluted, which means he's not above falsifying (or trying to). I want him to legitimately prove that he's not using meth. Is that too much to ask?
I'm meeting with another attorney tomorrow. Hopefully he'll have an answer on that. I don't want to look like I'm "punishing", but there's gotta be some oversight here, right????
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