KRae121012

I’ve been feeling sad the past few days. I am in the middle of a divorce from my AH. I recently found out that among all the other betrayals, he also recently took a trip to the same hotel where he proposed to me and spent $600 at bars. Whether or not he was with another woman (he probably was), I am left feeling so sad.
I am sad that the man I thought was my soulmate is gone. I don’t even recognize the person he has become. I miss my best friend but there is no trace of him left. He might as well be dead. I hope saying that is not insensitive to those who have lost a loved one. It is just the only way I can describe how I’m feeling.

HardLessons

Hi KRae

Yes the betrayals & bad behavior are never ending. From what I read concerning your story, you met your AH in recovery. So I am guessing you at one time had a substance abuse problem & are now in recovery. My point is you probably personally know how the mind of an addict works & the powerful destructive nature of addiction.

In some sense your AH like my addict is dead. Not dead in physical terms but dead & unavailable to any form of living a normal life. I know mine is dead from that standpoint. But I am not telling you anything you dont already know.

So yes its all very sad indeed.

You have taken steps to ptotect yourself & your son. You filed for divorce & I assume you & AH are no longer living together? We both know the reasons for taking these steps. I would keep contact to a bare minimum. For your sake, the less you know what he is doing the better. We both know our addicts arent up to anything good. We both know we arent going to learn anything about what they are doing which will bring us happiness & peace.

Congradulations on your recovery. You should be proud of yourself. Please try your best to keep the focus on you & your son. We let go of the addicts in our lives so we can protect ourselves & in your case your son.

Please take care.

kwinner2

say what you need to say. no judgement. i think most of us have felt that way. sometimes as the only escape we see for ourselves, sometimes the only escape we see for them. its all part of the grief process and its very much like a death. im so sorry you are going thru this (((hugs)))

KRae121012

Thank you for you’re thoughtful response. Yes, he is no longer living in the house and is under supervised visitation. Thank God for those blessings. We only communicate via text and only regarding our son when absolutely necessary.

I do remember being in active addiction and how terrible it was. I also remember how everyone in my life was reduced to being a resource. Even with that knowledge, it is still painful.

I am keeping my life moving forward. I have an amazing career and a smart, sweet son. I have amazingly supportive parents and strong women in my life to support me emotionally. I’ve even taken up a new hobbiy, wood working. I’m attending Naranon in addition to NA. Things could be a lot worse and I’m grateful for what I have and where I am going regardless of what my STBXAH is doing.

I am finding strength in knowing that God has removed him from my life because he wants better for me.

Thanks again for your kind response.

KRae121012

I really appreciate the understanding and support. I was very afraid of offending someone with that comparison. I guess I am mourning the loss of who he was and the life I had envisioned. I never understood what families of addicts went through until know. In some ways, it is more painful than being the one addicted, however, it is better in that I have so much hope for my future.

hopeful4

In a situation like this, there is a grieving period. It's absolutely ok to feel this way. Let yourself go through it, it will get better in time.

Big hugs.

teatreeoil007

I've heard that divorce is like a death. So, it stands to reason how you would feeling this way. I'm sorry....sending a big hug.