6 months later
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 151
6 months later
Hi all,
Yesterday marked the 6 month anniversary of my fiancée passing away due to alcoholism.
The journey of grief and self discovery has been something that I never could have imagined myself doing.
I feel much better and stronger now than I did then or ever in my life. And just like many of you said time takes time.
I thought I might share a few things I learned from my experience that may help others.
I'm going to group them into two categories. Encouragement/Hope and Brutal Honesty. For those who are still hurting, the brutal honesty section may be an area to avoid.
Finally, thank all of you who supported and encouraged me through this difficult time. While we have and may never meet in person, I know in my heart that your words kept me sane and guided me through what has been the most difficult and rewarding part of my life.
As I think of other things, I will add them to this thread. Also if anyone else has things to add, certainly feel free.
HBG
Encouragement/Hope
- You are stronger than you give yourself credit for
- It is ok to cry, even if you are a "manly man" who was taught that crying means you are weak
- Progress comes from persistence not perfect execution. Do a little better every day than you did the day before
- You may feel like your world is ending. That's because it is. But that's ok because a new much better one awaits.
Brutal Honesty
- You are not unique. They are not unique. And "your love" is certainly not special, one of a kind, or unique.
- The alcoholic in your life is not as close to "figuring it out" as you believe they are. Truth be told, you probably are wishing/perceiving them much closer to getting help than they actually are
- You are an addict yourself. You have created a co-dependency on your "drug"- Saving your alcoholic
- You are making excuses for your bad behavior just like the alcoholics make excuses for their bad behavior.
- You are not strong enough, smart enough, or love deeply enough to get someone to stop drinking.
- You barely have control over changing yourself
- You likely got into and stay in this relationship because there is an issue somewhere within yourself.
- You stay because focusing on the alcoholics problem is easier than identifying and correcting your own shortcomings.
- The alcoholic in your life will lie to you. But not nearly as often or nearly as effectively as you will lie to yourself.
Yesterday marked the 6 month anniversary of my fiancée passing away due to alcoholism.
The journey of grief and self discovery has been something that I never could have imagined myself doing.
I feel much better and stronger now than I did then or ever in my life. And just like many of you said time takes time.
I thought I might share a few things I learned from my experience that may help others.
I'm going to group them into two categories. Encouragement/Hope and Brutal Honesty. For those who are still hurting, the brutal honesty section may be an area to avoid.
Finally, thank all of you who supported and encouraged me through this difficult time. While we have and may never meet in person, I know in my heart that your words kept me sane and guided me through what has been the most difficult and rewarding part of my life.
As I think of other things, I will add them to this thread. Also if anyone else has things to add, certainly feel free.
HBG
Encouragement/Hope
- You are stronger than you give yourself credit for
- It is ok to cry, even if you are a "manly man" who was taught that crying means you are weak
- Progress comes from persistence not perfect execution. Do a little better every day than you did the day before
- You may feel like your world is ending. That's because it is. But that's ok because a new much better one awaits.
Brutal Honesty
- You are not unique. They are not unique. And "your love" is certainly not special, one of a kind, or unique.
- The alcoholic in your life is not as close to "figuring it out" as you believe they are. Truth be told, you probably are wishing/perceiving them much closer to getting help than they actually are
- You are an addict yourself. You have created a co-dependency on your "drug"- Saving your alcoholic
- You are making excuses for your bad behavior just like the alcoholics make excuses for their bad behavior.
- You are not strong enough, smart enough, or love deeply enough to get someone to stop drinking.
- You barely have control over changing yourself
- You likely got into and stay in this relationship because there is an issue somewhere within yourself.
- You stay because focusing on the alcoholics problem is easier than identifying and correcting your own shortcomings.
- The alcoholic in your life will lie to you. But not nearly as often or nearly as effectively as you will lie to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 88
Thank you for the thoughtful post.
I feel that posting questions and answers not only helps the people typing it out but also the anonymous person reading it and going through the very same. So it makes a single difference somewhere in the world ( what I think anyway lol)
I feel that posting questions and answers not only helps the people typing it out but also the anonymous person reading it and going through the very same. So it makes a single difference somewhere in the world ( what I think anyway lol)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Love the brutal honesty section. I was nodding as I read each point. Yes, my hand is up. Those are all traits I had.
Thank you. Good to see them so clearly set out.
All best wishes to you. Sorry for your loss.
Thank you. Good to see them so clearly set out.
All best wishes to you. Sorry for your loss.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
HBG, you have made some gigantic strides! Thanks so much for coming back to post some of the things you've learned.
Your "Brutal Honesty" section is all the stuff that people here tell newcomers, who don't want to hear any of it. It IS hard to hear, but so true--and no progress can be made w/o listening and understanding to this part.
And your "Encouragement/Hope" section details what can happen once the "Brutal Honesty" part has been accepted and understood.
Great post. Great work. Thanks again.
Your "Brutal Honesty" section is all the stuff that people here tell newcomers, who don't want to hear any of it. It IS hard to hear, but so true--and no progress can be made w/o listening and understanding to this part.
And your "Encouragement/Hope" section details what can happen once the "Brutal Honesty" part has been accepted and understood.
Great post. Great work. Thanks again.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
