SadEx

So a week and 2 days later I still feel awful. Not a word from ex but I have a feeling he will contact me at some point.

Now I have been asked out on a date. The guy is really nice. Thoughtful. He is so nice to me telling me about places he plans to bring me, wanting to collect me and take me out. Thing is I have realised that my relationship with my ex was so far from the norm in that in years he never did anything nice for me. He was extremely selfish. So why the hell do I still miss him and want him?

So I will go out on this date but I will not mess this decent guy about. I know U should probably take some time to myself but I find that only results in me over thinking stuff.

PuzzledHeart

Define "overthinking stuff"?

kwinner2

I find myself missing and wanting not who he became and what the relationship was but what they were, could have been, should have been without the drugs. I think we easily overlook the dysfunction it really was because its so hard to reconcile the fact we accepted what we did from the addiction. I hope time helps us both. have fun on your date. just dont take thungs too seriously. give yourself time to heal. hugs

OpheliaKatz

Sadex, have fun on your date but take things slowly. It's easy when we're sad to attract the wrong type of person. People who deliberately look for someone with vulnerabilities might target you. I hate to put it that way, but my STBXAH was this sort of person. It might be possible that he wanted someone to commiserate with because of his own issues, but it also meant that he was not interested in pursuing a relationship with a happy healthy person. He once said, "I have nothing in common with those people". Strangely, it was difficult for me to ever get him to talk about his feelings... so he also had nothing much in common with me. I am probably being paranoid, but if your date tries to rush you into anything, and the relationship progresses too fast, step back and really ask yourself how much you know about the person you are dating.

It's great you got a date. I'm terrible at dating, it's always so awkward.