He dumped me for an alcoholic woman.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2
He dumped me for an alcoholic woman.
Hi all. I've been reading some of the posts in here and I decided to join the site so I could share my own story with you all, and perhaps get some help and support.
I was with my alcoholic partner for 5 years on and off. I know, everyone told me it was stupid to get back together with him, but I just couldn't listen... He was the most intelligent and interesting person I had ever met... He would drink heavily for at least 2 days each week, but for the past months he started to drink 4 or 5 days a week. We didn't live together so I wasn't sure about the extent of his issue, he once said he peed his pants one time that he blacked out but he also stated that was a one time thing and that he does not blackout regularly, and that in general he was a "very nice drunk".
This last time around we were together for 9 months. The last couple of weeks I would notice he was less interested in me, and would easily get angry. I didn't suspected anything, until one day he went to a trip with his friends for 4 days. I don't mind him having his own space but it felt weird to me that when he came back he was even more withdrawn. Finally, I decided to break up with him. He did not seem to care. I did not deleted him from my social media, and a few days later he started to make posts about how he loves that the girl he likes is a drunk. I don't even know who the girl is, but I feel very hurt and replaced, rejected... He didn't even care.
I was with my alcoholic partner for 5 years on and off. I know, everyone told me it was stupid to get back together with him, but I just couldn't listen... He was the most intelligent and interesting person I had ever met... He would drink heavily for at least 2 days each week, but for the past months he started to drink 4 or 5 days a week. We didn't live together so I wasn't sure about the extent of his issue, he once said he peed his pants one time that he blacked out but he also stated that was a one time thing and that he does not blackout regularly, and that in general he was a "very nice drunk".
This last time around we were together for 9 months. The last couple of weeks I would notice he was less interested in me, and would easily get angry. I didn't suspected anything, until one day he went to a trip with his friends for 4 days. I don't mind him having his own space but it felt weird to me that when he came back he was even more withdrawn. Finally, I decided to break up with him. He did not seem to care. I did not deleted him from my social media, and a few days later he started to make posts about how he loves that the girl he likes is a drunk. I don't even know who the girl is, but I feel very hurt and replaced, rejected... He didn't even care.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
There's a saying around here...codependents mourn, addicts replace. He just found himself a drinking buddy to circle the drain with...it really has nothing to do with love. It's very typical alcoholic behavior.
I'm really sorry this has happened to you. Some day you will look back and understand to be freed from his chaos is a gift, but I know it hurts terribly right now.
Block him. You really don't need to see that nonsense. Get on with your own precious life. Better days lie ahead.
Sending you a hug.
I'm really sorry this has happened to you. Some day you will look back and understand to be freed from his chaos is a gift, but I know it hurts terribly right now.
Block him. You really don't need to see that nonsense. Get on with your own precious life. Better days lie ahead.
Sending you a hug.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
S,
I am so sorry you are hurting. Addicts love one thing and it's not us. He has gifted you this opportunity; run. Don't look back, block hI'm everywhere.
Long term relationships with an addict are so painful, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Chances of his new relationship working, with a drunk, is slim to none. You will get the last laugh. Hugs!!
I am so sorry you are hurting. Addicts love one thing and it's not us. He has gifted you this opportunity; run. Don't look back, block hI'm everywhere.
Long term relationships with an addict are so painful, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Chances of his new relationship working, with a drunk, is slim to none. You will get the last laugh. Hugs!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I'd like to share a post made by another member here at SR who was in a similar situation to yours. Like you, she saw her X on FB, apparently "so happy" with his "wonderful new life" and "wonderful new GF." Here's what the member had to say about it:
I try to think of it this way- If I threw a moldy sandwich in a Dumpster, would I really be jealous of the person who was so starved for crumbs that they would dive in the Dumpster to pick it up?
I know you're feeling rejected and your pride is hurt right now. But if you can remove that part of it and think about things a little more clearly--did you REALLY want that moldy sandwich? I'm betting the answer is no. It's mostly just injured pride. Block him from contacting you and don't go checking up on him on FB or any other way. Who needs a guy who pees his pants even ONCE? Your instincts were right when you dumped him the first time.
I try to think of it this way- If I threw a moldy sandwich in a Dumpster, would I really be jealous of the person who was so starved for crumbs that they would dive in the Dumpster to pick it up?
I know you're feeling rejected and your pride is hurt right now. But if you can remove that part of it and think about things a little more clearly--did you REALLY want that moldy sandwich? I'm betting the answer is no. It's mostly just injured pride. Block him from contacting you and don't go checking up on him on FB or any other way. Who needs a guy who pees his pants even ONCE? Your instincts were right when you dumped him the first time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,144
he loves that the girl he likes is a drunk.
His idea of an ideal relationship is a drunk. That's not a healthy relationship. He didn't choose the person. It sounds like he chose the bottle at the end of her hand.
There's so much more to a relationship.
His idea of an ideal relationship is a drunk. That's not a healthy relationship. He didn't choose the person. It sounds like he chose the bottle at the end of her hand.
There's so much more to a relationship.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Yes it's hurtful, but would you really want to be in her shoes. If all he can write is he loves that she's a drunk then you know you could never supply what he needs; a drunkard who will not try to stop him.
They're in a sad situation, so please believe this is the best thing for you. If she ever stops drinking she'll be out the door too. You've had a lucky escape. Delete him on FB and other social media and it will be so much easier for you.
They're in a sad situation, so please believe this is the best thing for you. If she ever stops drinking she'll be out the door too. You've had a lucky escape. Delete him on FB and other social media and it will be so much easier for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,548
codependents mourn, addicts replace.
He just found himself a drinking buddy to circle the drain with.. Well, of course. What better way to convince yourself that what you do is normal and okay ? Pedophiles swap pictures, gang members limit their social circle to others with the same moral code, addicts look at their friends and say, "We're okay, everyone else has their knickers in a twist."
He just found himself a drinking buddy to circle the drain with.. Well, of course. What better way to convince yourself that what you do is normal and okay ? Pedophiles swap pictures, gang members limit their social circle to others with the same moral code, addicts look at their friends and say, "We're okay, everyone else has their knickers in a twist."
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 367
One thing I've learned is that addicts have a radar for codependents and other addicts. In my case, I was working on making myself better. The "other woman" is a better enabler than I was, plus rumor has it that she's an alcoholic, too. The affair was basically inevitable.
But he gave me a gift by leaving. I still have to deal with him b/c we have 3 children together, but I'm feeling better about things after a LOT of work on myself and the passing of some time.
But he gave me a gift by leaving. I still have to deal with him b/c we have 3 children together, but I'm feeling better about things after a LOT of work on myself and the passing of some time.
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