Terrified and looking for advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6
Terrified and looking for advice
Today is day one... again. I had been doing so well and then I messed up and started drinking. I'm tired of hiding alcohol and lying to everyone and this crippling shame that is sending me into constant panic attacks of self-doubt and hate. If anyone has advice on starting out the journey I'd be so grateful. The withdrawal symptoms have mostly gone (apart from the anxiety) but I don't want to go back to old habits as soon as I start feeling better and the old routine of "just one" means that I'll most certainly be polishing of bottles of vodka each day. Thought that enough was enough and I needed to stop living in the shadows.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Hi Ash94, welcome to SR .
If you are at the stage of being over the physical withdrawals well done . I understand how bad those feelings are . When I was at that point I needed sober people around me and lots of reading & posting on here . I also understand the mental side of how you feel and as the days go on you will improve . The early days like where you are now are a rollercoaster of emotions but please hang in there . I was told to drink plenty fluids ,get light exercise ,distract myself from thinking about how I felt . Try and read the success stories and I know there are many here . Also why not treat yourself to something nice .
If you are at the stage of being over the physical withdrawals well done . I understand how bad those feelings are . When I was at that point I needed sober people around me and lots of reading & posting on here . I also understand the mental side of how you feel and as the days go on you will improve . The early days like where you are now are a rollercoaster of emotions but please hang in there . I was told to drink plenty fluids ,get light exercise ,distract myself from thinking about how I felt . Try and read the success stories and I know there are many here . Also why not treat yourself to something nice .
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1,276
Hi Ash👋 I'm really happy to see you post. I can't offer much advice as I'm only in early sobriety myself but I totally know where you're coming from. Have you thought about seeing a doctor or maybe going to ER? That might be a good place to start.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Hi Ash, glad you posted.
Now sounds like a great time to start AA. It's my chosen recovery PROGRAM - action is key, first deciding to quit drinking permanent7ly, then choosing how we learn to live sober and in recovery- and there are other paths, too. Perhaps read around the Newcomers Daily Support Threads section, and join the Class of Sep 17 which has other folks in your same spot, this month.
You can do it. Deciding to stop drinking permanently, and finding a new life in sobriety, was the best thing I have ever done. There is lots of help IRL and on SR.
Hope to see you around here.
Now sounds like a great time to start AA. It's my chosen recovery PROGRAM - action is key, first deciding to quit drinking permanent7ly, then choosing how we learn to live sober and in recovery- and there are other paths, too. Perhaps read around the Newcomers Daily Support Threads section, and join the Class of Sep 17 which has other folks in your same spot, this month.
You can do it. Deciding to stop drinking permanently, and finding a new life in sobriety, was the best thing I have ever done. There is lots of help IRL and on SR.
Hope to see you around here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1,276
Great to read you're over the withdrawals - I should of read your post a little more closely 😔 Personally, I'm trying to make myself accountable by posting on here and by getting some professional help. Good luck, Ash.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi and welcome ash 
I really threw myself into this community - I wanted change so I made changes. When I felt weak or I needed help, I came here.
I used to be an all day everyday drinker and now I'm not. Miracles can happen on a site like this
glad to have you join us
D
I really threw myself into this community - I wanted change so I made changes. When I felt weak or I needed help, I came here.
I used to be an all day everyday drinker and now I'm not. Miracles can happen on a site like this
glad to have you join us
D
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Ash.
I second Dee that SR played a huge role in me making it so far.
Along with sticking close to those who travel the same road I also can't stress enough how important is a plan.
You need to remind yourself every day that you can't pick up that "first and just one" drink.
Imagine that your environment is pumped up with highly flammable gas. It really won't make a big difference if you strike ten matches or just one. Your surrounding will burn to the ground either way.
Would it make sense in that case?
The same is with alcohol. "Just one" will burn your life to ashes.
You surely developed some drinking patterns over time. What triggers your "I can handle just one" thoughts? What is your most dangerous time of the day? When and under which circumstances you are most vulnerable?
Make a plan how you are going to handle those dangerous moments?
Don't rely on "I'll figure it on the spot" logic. Chances are you won't.
Why? Because by that time your addiction mechanism will already be firing all cylinders, even though you don't see it. Succumbing to disastrous "just one" will be just the last link in the addiction chain.
From my experience workouts helped a lot. I'd say, the gym was my next best place to kick addiction arse. The first best was SR, of course.
Every day you have to add more and more tools to your anti-addiction box. Meditation, new or long-forgotten hobbies, etc.
It may sound like a full-time job. And in some way it is. But what can be more important than saving and rebuilding your life? The life which is worth living.
Fight for your sobriety. It will save your life, your sanity, your self-respect.
Best wishes to you.
I second Dee that SR played a huge role in me making it so far.
Along with sticking close to those who travel the same road I also can't stress enough how important is a plan.
You need to remind yourself every day that you can't pick up that "first and just one" drink.
Imagine that your environment is pumped up with highly flammable gas. It really won't make a big difference if you strike ten matches or just one. Your surrounding will burn to the ground either way.
Would it make sense in that case?
The same is with alcohol. "Just one" will burn your life to ashes.
You surely developed some drinking patterns over time. What triggers your "I can handle just one" thoughts? What is your most dangerous time of the day? When and under which circumstances you are most vulnerable?
Make a plan how you are going to handle those dangerous moments?
Don't rely on "I'll figure it on the spot" logic. Chances are you won't.
Why? Because by that time your addiction mechanism will already be firing all cylinders, even though you don't see it. Succumbing to disastrous "just one" will be just the last link in the addiction chain.
From my experience workouts helped a lot. I'd say, the gym was my next best place to kick addiction arse. The first best was SR, of course.
Every day you have to add more and more tools to your anti-addiction box. Meditation, new or long-forgotten hobbies, etc.
It may sound like a full-time job. And in some way it is. But what can be more important than saving and rebuilding your life? The life which is worth living.
Fight for your sobriety. It will save your life, your sanity, your self-respect.
Best wishes to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6
Thank you all for such great advice and support. it's my first time actually ever reaching out properly and it definitely makes a difference to know there are people here all rooting for each other.
Just have to keep at it one day at a time and make sure I'm keeping busy. Can definitely feel cravings coming back now but am determined to focus on all the great stories and posts on SR and not let that voice win.
Just have to keep at it one day at a time and make sure I'm keeping busy. Can definitely feel cravings coming back now but am determined to focus on all the great stories and posts on SR and not let that voice win.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Leduc, Ab
Posts: 758
Its great you are here Ash. I can't give you much advise as I'm only 18 day sober, but 1 thing that has really help me through rough times is coming on SR and reading all the experience strength and hope and committing to staying sober just for today. I also attend AA meetings regularly and talk with my sponsor daily. Each day I'm sober, I feel a bit better.
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