Filled Out An Application!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 134
Filled Out An Application!
Hi Everyone,
I've spent the entire morning reading over all of my posts...I should have done that a long time ago...Sheesh...I bored myself even. I said the same things over and over. Complained over and over. Never really took a step to change anything. Oh...I talked a big game and said I was going to change but only made token efforts and let him change my mind...even though he didn't even put too much effort into that. I used every excuse in the book to avoid having to go through the difficult task of leaving.
Well, something changed in me this weekend. I've taken further steps to get out. I went out on Sunday, found a house that I like, and put in the application. I actually put in the application! In all the years that I've been on here telling you about looking for houses, I've never put in an application. I have my finances in order and have enough to pay for anything I need for a few months until we get the house sold. I have to wait to see if I'm accepted, but I'm hopeful.
I'm not denying that I'm a little wobbly here and there, but I'm determined to keep looking forward and quit looking back. Reading what I wrote is helping me....it's like a journal. He's away now, which is when I get weak and forget the crappy situation I'm in. I know that this is just the eye of the hurricane and that back wall is going to slam into me as soon as he gets home. He's been in a hotel for 5 days getting his drunk on (who lives like this???) and I'm packing up items and trying to get myself ready.
I'm going to need you guys to encourage me when that guilt starts creeping up or I start getting wishy washy. I'm giving you full permission to kick my a** when I feel bad for him, k?
I've spent the entire morning reading over all of my posts...I should have done that a long time ago...Sheesh...I bored myself even. I said the same things over and over. Complained over and over. Never really took a step to change anything. Oh...I talked a big game and said I was going to change but only made token efforts and let him change my mind...even though he didn't even put too much effort into that. I used every excuse in the book to avoid having to go through the difficult task of leaving.
Well, something changed in me this weekend. I've taken further steps to get out. I went out on Sunday, found a house that I like, and put in the application. I actually put in the application! In all the years that I've been on here telling you about looking for houses, I've never put in an application. I have my finances in order and have enough to pay for anything I need for a few months until we get the house sold. I have to wait to see if I'm accepted, but I'm hopeful.
I'm not denying that I'm a little wobbly here and there, but I'm determined to keep looking forward and quit looking back. Reading what I wrote is helping me....it's like a journal. He's away now, which is when I get weak and forget the crappy situation I'm in. I know that this is just the eye of the hurricane and that back wall is going to slam into me as soon as he gets home. He's been in a hotel for 5 days getting his drunk on (who lives like this???) and I'm packing up items and trying to get myself ready.
I'm going to need you guys to encourage me when that guilt starts creeping up or I start getting wishy washy. I'm giving you full permission to kick my a** when I feel bad for him, k?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 110
I was posting this weekend looking for support signing a lease for an apartment. It was brutal. I cried an awkward amount in front of the landlady (who is divorced and got it sooo she kindly just said, I get it). Anyways, I cried publically, I felt faint most of the day leading up to signing and nearly was ill when I made my deposit. All this to say, none of this is easy, you're amazing for filling out the application, and you're gonna feel better as you continue. I'm lazy and come on here intermittently, but you can survive the push back, you got this!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 134
Originally Posted by fml23 
I was posting this weekend looking for support signing a lease for an apartment. It was brutal. I cried an awkward amount in front of the landlady (who is divorced and got it sooo she kindly just said, I get it). Anyways, I cried publically, I felt faint most of the day leading up to signing and nearly was ill when I made my deposit. All this to say, none of this is easy, you're amazing for filling out the application, and you're gonna feel better as you continue. I'm lazy and come on here intermittently, but you can survive the push back, you got this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 134
Originally Posted by fml23
I was posting this weekend looking for support signing a lease for an apartment. It was brutal. I cried an awkward amount in front of the landlady (who is divorced and got it sooo she kindly just said, I get it). Anyways, I cried publically, I felt faint most of the day leading up to signing and nearly was ill when I made my deposit. All this to say, none of this is easy, you're amazing for filling out the application, and you're gonna feel better as you continue. I'm lazy and come on here intermittently, but you can survive the push back, you got this!
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