Flyin' Dry
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 8
Flyin' Dry
Here it goes. Hi everyone!
I am brand new here but have been sober for 250 days. I find myself in a bit of an odd situation I think compared to most. Although I had many times during my drinking life to consider cutting back or quitting, it never took until December 2016. I am not sure if it could be considered luck or fate but what brought me to sobriety was a romantic interest. I had met a very unique and lovely girl who happened to be sober. This was a first for me and I was intrigued. We had similar backgrounds in that we are both in professional fields that do not tolerate chemical dependencies. And yet in both of our fields, substance abuse was rampant. Through her, I learned that I was a high functioning alcohol abuser. Like so many of my colleagues, I worked hard but played harder.
It took a few weeks of convincing, but using her as a role model I realized that it was possible to actually break the cycle and quit. I dove into reading and learning about the science of drinking and alcohol abuse as well as the personality traits that lead to addiction. Needless to say, I had many of those traits as I had been drinking for over two decades. In my case, what had started as occasional drinking migrated to social drinking. This pattern gave way to any/every occasion to drink and then habitual and almost daily drinking at times. Constant poor moods consisting mostly of depression and anger (which I later learned were largely alcohol induced) began a social shut down and led to drinking alone.
This was the time in my life when she walked in. She gave me a much needed kick in the rear. And here I am 250 days later…still sober!
I guess you could say that she was my sponsor or similar. Although neither of us had ever participated in a formalized program. We both used science, education, and leaning on the support of like-minded sober friends. Which is what brings me to my current status of tonight. I am here looking for new and more support. She and I have parted ways romantically and at the moment (likely permanent) we have ceased communications. Unfortunately she was the only person I had to lean on for sobriety. I did not pursue additional support before as she was always available and I didn’t see the end of our relationship coming so fast.
So here I am. Looking for support and friendship in sobriety. I don’t have that support at work as sobriety is considered very out of place. Now it’s time for me to find a new place and new friends.
Empathy is appreciated, encouragement is required. Who’s in?
I am brand new here but have been sober for 250 days. I find myself in a bit of an odd situation I think compared to most. Although I had many times during my drinking life to consider cutting back or quitting, it never took until December 2016. I am not sure if it could be considered luck or fate but what brought me to sobriety was a romantic interest. I had met a very unique and lovely girl who happened to be sober. This was a first for me and I was intrigued. We had similar backgrounds in that we are both in professional fields that do not tolerate chemical dependencies. And yet in both of our fields, substance abuse was rampant. Through her, I learned that I was a high functioning alcohol abuser. Like so many of my colleagues, I worked hard but played harder.
It took a few weeks of convincing, but using her as a role model I realized that it was possible to actually break the cycle and quit. I dove into reading and learning about the science of drinking and alcohol abuse as well as the personality traits that lead to addiction. Needless to say, I had many of those traits as I had been drinking for over two decades. In my case, what had started as occasional drinking migrated to social drinking. This pattern gave way to any/every occasion to drink and then habitual and almost daily drinking at times. Constant poor moods consisting mostly of depression and anger (which I later learned were largely alcohol induced) began a social shut down and led to drinking alone.
This was the time in my life when she walked in. She gave me a much needed kick in the rear. And here I am 250 days later…still sober!
I guess you could say that she was my sponsor or similar. Although neither of us had ever participated in a formalized program. We both used science, education, and leaning on the support of like-minded sober friends. Which is what brings me to my current status of tonight. I am here looking for new and more support. She and I have parted ways romantically and at the moment (likely permanent) we have ceased communications. Unfortunately she was the only person I had to lean on for sobriety. I did not pursue additional support before as she was always available and I didn’t see the end of our relationship coming so fast.
So here I am. Looking for support and friendship in sobriety. I don’t have that support at work as sobriety is considered very out of place. Now it’s time for me to find a new place and new friends.
Empathy is appreciated, encouragement is required. Who’s in?
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Welcome aboard!
Actually your situation sounds fairly common. You seem to be questioning your ability to remain abstinent, why do you think that is?
I know I questioned mine, until I realized I didn't need to question it, just the idea that I needed to question it
What's your plan for future alcohol consumption?
Actually your situation sounds fairly common. You seem to be questioning your ability to remain abstinent, why do you think that is?
I know I questioned mine, until I realized I didn't need to question it, just the idea that I needed to question it
What's your plan for future alcohol consumption?
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I use this place for support.
I get tons of it. Sometimes i get feedback i don't like, and it hurts. But, if i could drink for 40 years plus...i am tough enough to take it.
I also go to AA meetings sometimes. I usually find someone after the meeting to talk f2f about my addiction.
Thanks.
I get tons of it. Sometimes i get feedback i don't like, and it hurts. But, if i could drink for 40 years plus...i am tough enough to take it.
I also go to AA meetings sometimes. I usually find someone after the meeting to talk f2f about my addiction.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 611
Way to go on 250 days! I'm a month or so away from that milestone, but it's the best decision I've made in a while. Also, congratulations on keeping the sobriety through the breakup. SR has a wealth of info; I also rely a lot on exercise, diet and routine.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 8
Perhaps the only unique aspect of my path to sobriety (so I thought) was that it was initiated in a sense by my previous girlfriend who also became my only go-to person. While dealing with my obstacles to maintain sobriety I realized that communication and peer support level was paramount to success. So far so good.
All of that said, this safety feature is now removed from my life and likely permanently. There are too many feelings involved between us at this point which are causing too much pain on my part to remain interacting as friends or sobriety support for each other.
My concern is that emotions running high in the low spectrum are easily my largest trigger. This was always a predictable pattern for me in the past as I would turn to alcohol as an escape mechanism. Such activity, of course, never helped anything and only exacerbated the problem. Often resulting in my emotions "circling the drain".
As to my plan for sobriety going forward, I intend to completely abstain forever if possible. I have done enough reading to realize that a relapse could be dangerous and I want no part of that. I am trying to keep myself in check with reading, reflecting, writing, and realizing that my emotions and ego do not define me. I just am realistic enough to also realize that they are very powerful forces.
As I mentioned, my profession is far from a supportive environment for sobriety either in a workplace or social aspect. Likewise, due to the nature of my work, access to local support is quite limited. That's what brings me here and elsewhere on the interwebs for support and encouragement. If I knew how to change the more conventional aspects of my professional and social circles I would gladly do so.
Thank you very much for your reply!
All of that said, this safety feature is now removed from my life and likely permanently. There are too many feelings involved between us at this point which are causing too much pain on my part to remain interacting as friends or sobriety support for each other.
My concern is that emotions running high in the low spectrum are easily my largest trigger. This was always a predictable pattern for me in the past as I would turn to alcohol as an escape mechanism. Such activity, of course, never helped anything and only exacerbated the problem. Often resulting in my emotions "circling the drain".
As to my plan for sobriety going forward, I intend to completely abstain forever if possible. I have done enough reading to realize that a relapse could be dangerous and I want no part of that. I am trying to keep myself in check with reading, reflecting, writing, and realizing that my emotions and ego do not define me. I just am realistic enough to also realize that they are very powerful forces.
As I mentioned, my profession is far from a supportive environment for sobriety either in a workplace or social aspect. Likewise, due to the nature of my work, access to local support is quite limited. That's what brings me here and elsewhere on the interwebs for support and encouragement. If I knew how to change the more conventional aspects of my professional and social circles I would gladly do so.
Thank you very much for your reply!
Originally Posted by dwtbd 
Welcome aboard!
Actually your situation sounds fairly common. You seem to be questioning your ability to remain abstinent, why do you think that is?
I know I questioned mine, until I realized I didn't need to question it, just the idea that I needed to question it
What's your plan for future alcohol consumption?
Actually your situation sounds fairly common. You seem to be questioning your ability to remain abstinent, why do you think that is?
I know I questioned mine, until I realized I didn't need to question it, just the idea that I needed to question it
What's your plan for future alcohol consumption?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 8
I did try a local AA meeting and quickly discovered that it just is not for me. No offense intended to those who are part of the program.
I have tried a few SMART meetings with some mixed results which were better than nothing but did not seem as though they might yield the sort of connections I am looking for. Perhaps that was just my luck of the particular f2f meetings I have been able to attend so far.
Meeting like-minded people online seems to have the highest potential from purely a numbers perspective, but then lacks the actual personal connection.
I guess I am seeking support through whatever combination of sources I can find.
Thank you for your reply.
I have tried a few SMART meetings with some mixed results which were better than nothing but did not seem as though they might yield the sort of connections I am looking for. Perhaps that was just my luck of the particular f2f meetings I have been able to attend so far.
Meeting like-minded people online seems to have the highest potential from purely a numbers perspective, but then lacks the actual personal connection.
I guess I am seeking support through whatever combination of sources I can find.
Thank you for your reply.
Originally Posted by D122y
I use this place for support.
I get tons of it. Sometimes i get feedback i don't like, and it hurts. But, if i could drink for 40 years plus...i am tough enough to take it.
I also go to AA meetings sometimes. I usually find someone after the meeting to talk f2f about my addiction.
Thanks.
I get tons of it. Sometimes i get feedback i don't like, and it hurts. But, if i could drink for 40 years plus...i am tough enough to take it.
I also go to AA meetings sometimes. I usually find someone after the meeting to talk f2f about my addiction.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 8
Thank you for your reply RW and I wish you well on hitting 250 and many more!
I know that diet, exercise, routine would be helpful. I am doing what I can in these areas but they are a challenge on all fronts due to the nature of my work. It is anything but consistent from a schedule aspect and is counter-productive to building helpful routines.
I know that diet, exercise, routine would be helpful. I am doing what I can in these areas but they are a challenge on all fronts due to the nature of my work. It is anything but consistent from a schedule aspect and is counter-productive to building helpful routines.
Originally Posted by rascalwhiteoak
Way to go on 250 days! I'm a month or so away from that milestone, but it's the best decision I've made in a while. Also, congratulations on keeping the sobriety through the breakup. SR has a wealth of info; I also rely a lot on exercise, diet and routine.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
"As to my plan for sobriety going forward, I intend to completely abstain forever (if possible.)"
This is the commonality I was referring to, the questioning of our ability to remain abstinent.
When I came to SR I was introduced to AVRT/RR, learning about those ideas turned my perspective on addiction around 180 degrees, there are great threads on these ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections sub-forum. I think they would be valuable additions to your research.
wish you well and hope to see you around
This is the commonality I was referring to, the questioning of our ability to remain abstinent.
When I came to SR I was introduced to AVRT/RR, learning about those ideas turned my perspective on addiction around 180 degrees, there are great threads on these ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections sub-forum. I think they would be valuable additions to your research.
wish you well and hope to see you around
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
I was really inspired reading your post. Thank you for sharing it. I'm only on day 3 but think my drinking patterns were similar to what you described above. There are loads of folks here who have been sober for a long time and really know their stuff. You will get great advice and friendship here. Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
You are now probably realizing that sobriety can't be achieved for someone else' benefit. You have to do it because you want it for yourself. I'm creeping up on five years sober- next month will actually be my five year anniversary of quitting- and I have used AVRT and this forum to keep it up.
You already have some good momentum, having nine months or so of sober time. So you have the skills to do it!
You already have some good momentum, having nine months or so of sober time. So you have the skills to do it!
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