1964GAL

So hi everyone! I am sitting here distraught as heck, feeling empty once again and need to talk to someone!
See I am not a first time user, I know how to get clean, I have done it before, but I recently fell off the wagon. Yes, I screwed up again I tell myself, beating myself up more than anyone else could ever do, I am my worst enemy. But my issues here today lie that I have 2 adult children that live about 4 hours away. I miss them horribly. When they found out I fell off the wagon, my daughter told me not to be calling her for months until she could trust me. So this is the issue. Yes, she has been thru hell as a child while I used, but I did get better for years, like 12 years clean until recently.

I lost my job due to something I did (not using at the time), got unemployment and still am, but health issues have been getting worse over time and now I have had to file for disability. In the mornings I text my daughter "good morning". I ask her to talk to me. Well today, she text me back saying she does not want to talk to me, to leave her alone for a few MONTHS until she feels she can trust me. I fell off the fricken wagon for Gods sake, and yes, I regret it, and yes I am seeking help, and yes I am not using but I am hurt, I feel anxious, I feel angry, this is a trigger, one of my triggers, not being able to talk to my daughter. It feels like I have lost a child.
Am I to just be okay with this, I am not. All I asked from my daughter is to support me, support in means of just talking to me, being able to discuss this, us talking and moving forward but the support I feel I need to move forward and stay clean is talking about why I fell off the wagon, things I learned on the way down and up, things she needs to know. Yeah, I feel so unwanted. I don't want to feel the same way I did a few weeks ago, asking myself why I am even alive. So here I am. Lost, sad, confused, angry.....bipolar too, so many mixed feelings here!

Dee74

Hi and welcome 1964gal

You posted in our chat admin thread so I moved your post here to Newcomers for more response

I think, however hard it is for us to go in and out of recovery it's just as hard on your loved ones.

It may even be harder for them because they really have no control over anything that happens with us, their loved one/alcoholic/addict.

Sometimes they get overwhelmed and ask for space.

I know it's hard not to take it personally - but try not to be angry.

Maybe this is a good chance for you both - give your daughter the space she wants, and give yourself the space & time to find recovery again and, this time, find the tools to stay there?

I think you being secure in your recovery is the best chance of both you and your daughter getting what you want

You're not alone - you'll find a ton of support here

D

Anna

I'm sorry you relapsed, but listen to your daughter's request and give her the space. Your daughter may feel overwhelmed that you want her to support you. She is probably disappointed and angry. Allow her to have those feelings.

This is your time to focus on you. Come here and seek support because we do understand. Stay sober and move forward with your life. Allow your daughter to see that you are sober and stable in your life.

Obladi

Hi 1964gal,

I can relate. My youngest daughter actually hates me, calls me names, and rants every chance she can get. It's very hurtful, knowing I did the best I could at the time I was raising her. But the fact for me is that with space away from her, I've been able to fully focus on my recovery and also have been able to face my own shortcomings and poor behavior which hurt her deeply. I'm not sure if some of this might apply to you, but I am sure that Anna's advice to respect your daughter's wishes is dead on. Chasing her will only push her further away at this time.

Is this a saying, "Get busy getting busy"? I think it is and that's my advice to you. If you don't have a program yet, build one. If you do, shore it up. If you've been seeing a therapist, talk this out. If not, get one. If you're not taking your meds, take them. Last but not least, keep yourself busy from morning til night doing things that you enjoy and/or give you a sense of accomplishment. I suspect you know all of this, as did I. Taking action is what is carrying me this time and I know in my heart that continuing on this path is what will ultimately help me to heal that relationship AND make me a happier person.

I'm sorry for your pain and wish you the best.

O

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum 1964gal!!

Berrybean

Welcome.

Hopefully there will be people here you can talk to. Also I'm sure there's plenty of folk you could talk to at AA if you go along to some meetings. Its not necessarily something our families are capable of understanding.

You say you have been seeking help. What has that looked like so far? Inpatient or outpatient intervention or similar? Or meetings?

I know you're hurting right now, but it seems to me that the actual problem is the drinking. Family cutting contact is a consequence, not a cause. And they are not able to stop you drinking - only you can do that. I suppose they're just protecting themselves from returning to the pain of previous experiences - can you understand why they might do that? In their eyes you are choosing the booze over them. Putting drinking ahead of that relationship. We are emotionally unavailable to others while active in our addiction.

Anyway - seems like you don't have much choice other than to accept their decision. They've made it. What you DO have a choice about is whether to carry on drinking or resolve to get sober again so that when they're ready to talk in a few months you can tell them that you're sober and working on your recovery.

I hope that you make the decision to get sober and try to earn back their trust. There's plenty of support if you choose to reach out for it in the right places.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB