hez1979

On day 3 after so many attempts... I manage 3 weeks then binge for days then manage a month then a weeks binge.... it's causing me awful anxiety. I love my kids and think I'm a good mum but not blacked out. I need to change now.
I'm a single parent and have so many regrets about being drunk in front of them and I'm not making them any empty promises I just want to log up days months years of sobriety to prove it to them.
Vodka was my drink. Feel ill at the thought of it. No real withdrawals this time... well was sweating and not sleeping but got off lightly I think... never want to be there again.
I don't recognise myself as that drunkard when I'm sober... she's a pure idiot!!!!!
I have a plan in place and I found 2 bottles of vodka which got chucked down sink... gonna keep busy throw myself into kids and work wen the wee one is away to reduce temptations in the early days. It's amazing how after a few weeks of sober AV makes you forget all this anxiety.., I hope to post here daily for accountability... thanks xxx

Dee74

Welcome back Hez- Have you thought of getting some real world support as well - like AA or another group like SMART or Lifering ?

not pushing any thing on you but that little bit of extra support could be what you need to tip the balance and help you stay sober for good?

D

decchemist

Being sober for your kids is important (guilty here so it's about my regret really). What if something had happened to them like they needed to go to A&E and I was blacked out on the sofa? Not happening again.

Wishing you the strength you need.

hez1979

I agree it's so important... need to keep that in the forefront of my mind x

ChloeRose63

Check out the thread "To Love Something More Than The Addiction Itself". Maybe it will help get your priorities in order when you decide to put a bottle of vodka above being a sober mother to your children.

hez1979

Yes I adore my kids.... it's time to shine for them xxx

hez1979

Yes I will look into that thanks D xxx

eve123

I wanted to get sober for my kids and I tried so hard. But in the end I had to want it for myself. I got to the place where I knew it would take EVERYTHING. Enough was enough. I know how hard the cycle is to break and how demoralising it is to pick up the guilt shame self hate etc. You CAN do this and never have to feel that anxiety again. Do this for you x

hez1979

Thanks everyone for replying. End of day 4 and in bed praying for sleep xxx

hez1979

Day 5

soberandhonest

Awesome job so far, Hez! Keep it up. I agree that long-term sobriety will require you to do this for YOU, but knowing how and why it will benefit your kids can still be for you. My kids are really proud to have a sober dad and I am incredibly happy and proud that I am altering the way things have been in my family for generations, where kid watches parents drink and over-drink for his/her entire childhood. Instead, while trying not to be preachy, I can talk to my kids about the dangers of alcohol and, at least to some extent, why their father no longer drinks.

Keep up the good work!

Obladi

Same here. I love my daughters more than anything or anyone in the world, but I could not manage to get/stay sober for them. I had to learn to want to work from the inside out. Becoming the "real" Obladi had to take the front seat in terms of motivation. Hard to do when I'm full of self-loathing, shame and guilt.

This is why I think Dee's suggestion is an excellent one. Talking to people in real life who understand addiction and have been there is tremendously helpful for me. It's been a lifeline, really.

I was also a vodka alcoholic and am a single mom. Feel free to PM me or take a look at/comment on my thread over in the Alcoholism forum. I'll look out for your daily updates here.

O

Steely

What a beautiful rose.

Verdantia

5 days is awesome, hez! This is an excellent place for advice, support and encouragement. Wishing you all the best on your sober journey. Your kids will be thrilled to have a sober mum.

Delilah1

I'm so glad you are here Hezz. I am also a mom, and wanted to get sober for my kids, and while they have absolutely benefited from my sobriety, I really had to get sober for me.

Check in here daily. Join us on the 24 hour thread, it is a great group, and a great place to make a commitment to remaining sober for the next 24 hours.

Also, join the September 2017 class, you will find others who have committed or recommitted to sobriety this month.

You can do this for you, and for your kids.

❤️Delilah

Obladi

How are you doing today, Hez?