happyface11112

I go to meetings at least 6 times a week. I only have a short time of sobriety. I want to drink more after a meeting than before a meeting. Why?

tomsteve

good on ya for going to meetings!
why its happening? hard sayin- what is the message thats talked about at meetings? are ya hearing the message of AA- the program?
or just drunkalogues?

are ya reading the big book? got a sponsor? start workin the steps?

ill add that this is something a drink WONT help.

CelticZebra

I experienced this several times over the last years of my addiction and have learnt that it's my Addictive Voice trying to coax me into drinking for whatever reason/excuse it can come up with.
I find ignoring it the best way. To deal with. It and distraction from those thoughts can help silence the noisy AV
Abstinence can be achieved by not drinking.
Learning how to live a sober life takes education.

Dee74

I drank when I felt uncomfortable, or when I got scared.

I think if I was a newcomer something like an AA meeting might do that to me.

It wouldn't mean that reaction was the right one tho.

Have you talked to anyone at the meetings about this Happyface?

D

chiquen81

This exact thing happened to me when I tried to go to meetings 3 years ago. After the meeting, I would reward myself with wine. (yes, messed up, I know!) In my mind, I just wasn't ready to stop and I felt like I was at least going to meetings just to try. It took a few more years until I was ready to stop. I don't think I would have stopped if I hadn't met my sponsor, though. So, that was a gift.

Anna

I agree with Dee. Going into a new situation such as a meeting, would have made me nervous and anxious, too. Maybe the fact that you are facing abstinence and sobriety has made you feel anxious too? I hope that there was something in the meeting that you connected with.

bradly22

I'm right there with ya. After meetings, I just wanted to drink.

Maybe try dropping the meetings for a few weeks to see how you feel.

Debbyjay

I had that same situation when I quit the first time, 30 years ago. I think it was because,
1. They talk all night about alcohol, often lovingly.
2. I heard stories that made me feel that I wasn't so bad after all.
3. Some of the attendees went out drinking after the meeting.

I don't go to AA, I am seeking a private counseling group.

TooMuchAlcohol

I find meetings to be hugely triggering. That's why I don't attend them. I know all the drunk stories have a similar effect on some other people, as well.

happyface11112

Thanks for all your suggestions. Yes, I have a sponsor, read the BB, and work the steps with my sponsor. I also see a therapist. I have been court ordered to go to AA. I don't have a choice of whether to attend a meeting or not. I try to choose meetings that promote the future instead of the past. It still seems to be a problem.

Dee74

Nah, avoiding the hard stuff is what I did as a drinker

I think it's a better suggestion to keep going with meetings - until you feel more comfortable or, at least, have something else in place to replace meetings with ?

I wouldn't find war stories terribly helpful either.
Did you look for other meetings?

D

grayghost1965

I was court ordered to AA after a DUI, and looking back, I'd have rather done the 30 days in jail. The group here was the most miserable bunch of complainers and the negativity was rampant. Most of them were what I would now call "dry drunks," and it seemed to me that instead of being grateful, they were resentful of themselves and each other. I remember thinking "Isn't life supposed to get better ?"

It took a few more years before I quit, but I vowed to never set foot in one of those meetings again. Fortunately I am blessed with a great group of friends and co-workers that I can (and have) talk to if need be.

I'm not advocating not going to meetings - just relating my personal experience here.

Berrybean

Have you tried some different meetings?

What does your sponsor say about it?

You say you are curt ordered to go to AA rather than it being a choice. Do you think that you have reached the stage generally where you can say that:

a) You really want long term sobriety (or are you going through the motions to get this court order off your back)

b) You want to go to AA (or is there perhaps a bit of you that resents going and doesn't really want to sit in a room full of ex-drunks talking about being sober.)

Debbyjay

Can you explain your situation to the court and ask if you could go to out'patient or individual counseling or another group instead?

DontRemember

I was also court ordered to meetings. When I first started going, I'd still have a few drinks after a meeting,hell,sometimes before. The thing,for me,was I wasn't ready/wanting to stop drinking yet.. It was however an eyeopener for me and I'm glad the judge forced me to go.

MindfulMan

I had the weirdest thing happen yesterday.

I've been in IOP and hadn't gone to a meeting in two weeks because it conflicts with my home group.

I decided to go to another group last night at 8pm. I was rushing home and all of a sudden I thought "Do I have time for a drink first?" and pictured a vodka tonic. Then I thought "That's right, I quit drinking." It was so unconscious I'm not even sure I'd classify it as a craving.

biminiblue

Good stuff, MindfulMan. I do the same thing, "Thanks for sharing, annoying voice in my head. I don't drink."

Usingthe12

Some of the stories in meetings can make you wanna cringe.

AAPJ

Wow that is perhaps the strongest condemnation of AA I have ever read.

"I'd have rather done the 30 days in jail. "

For others who have little experience with AA this one could be used as an excuse not to go. As someone who attends AA meetings regularly I would like to share some of my experiences with AA to perhaps give a more complete picture of what AA has to offer.

First let me say (and this might surprise you since I regularly attend AA meetings) that I completely understand his position. I have been to meetings that are like he described and I agree that they are toxic. If those were the only AA meetings available to me I would probably come to the same conclusion as greyghost. What is different for me is that grayghost resides in Cumberland MD. This is a rural part of the state. There are not a lot of choices for AA meetings. Down here in Gaithersburg MD there are plenty of different AA meetings to choose from because we have a much denser population than Cumberland. Thus, I was able to find an AA home group meeting that collectively has a much more positive attitude than what was described above. I know where the "miserable old grump" meetings are and I avoid them. In fact I attend a Saturday morning AA meeting that that the old grumps avoid because they don't like us. Too bad for them!

My point here is that for most people who live in city/suburban areas there are a lot of AA meeting choices and not all AA meetings are created equal so please try a few before giving up. YMMV.

tomsteve

good on ya,happy!
i was court ordered,too. but i was given a choice- meetings or jail.
but i wasnt ready-yet.
crazily, i ended up in AA about a month after i got off probation- wanting help.
it took about 6 months of hard work before i made it a full 24hrs without even thinking about a drink.
through those 6 months i kept faith in those that went before me and the program; that the mental obsession would leave and i would recover from the hopeless state of mind and body.i would recover from alcoholism.
well worth the fight.