Amends.
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Amends.
Hello folks. I'm not a great sleeper hence the late post. Had a lot on my mind lately. Mostly my children. They were 10 and 7 when I gave up for good. They are 13 and 10 now. I had felt I'd done a good job in sobriety. Made then the real priority. But now I hear things come from thrn. It's my fault. I did it. I know it. Drinking is for when mums had a bad day. Despite not drinking for s number of years. It's still there. I did this. No other blather except to say friends where do I go from here? Aa tells me to kerp doing the next right thing. I've a sponsor and I work the program hard. Just so down tonight.
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There will be days like that Ironlady. On such days- reaffirm all the good you now achieve. I have a lot of haunted memories- the what if's and the 'if only'. My adult sons and soon to be ex do not speak to me. So I daily remind myself I am no longer that person- that I am doing well. Many in AA- follow it's edicts to the letter (including my sponsor)- gratitude lists, resentment lists...service work. All I know is it is good to remind myself of what good I do now. Also that to learn from the past- but not to live in it with the same feelings is necessary. Support and empathy to you.
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That is where mindful crap comes into play. Mem's are a life long resource of a unique set of personal experiences- good and bad. I know of some through meetings who relive their past- the successes- the eventual terrible rock-b. They seem unable to move on from that. So today- will be their regretted memory, spent in a previous life. The GOOD thing about sadness (if prolonged- see a doc, I have depression) is it a REAL emotion- not chemically amplified or distorted.
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Join Date: Aug 2017
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Just for a bit of perspective......my friends have teenagers and by God they blame their mothers for everything!
My friends were never drinkers.....some of this is just normal stuff I think. Try not to be too hard on yourself. I don't want to undermine in any way your real sadness about the past but I do think teenagers need to work out their struggles this way.
My friends were never drinkers.....some of this is just normal stuff I think. Try not to be too hard on yourself. I don't want to undermine in any way your real sadness about the past but I do think teenagers need to work out their struggles this way.
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Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
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Originally Posted by Irnldy001 
Hello folks. I'm not a great sleeper hence the late post. Had a lot on my mind lately. Mostly my children. They were 10 and 7 when I gave up for good. They are 13 and 10 now. I had felt I'd done a good job in sobriety. Made then the real priority. But now I hear things come from thrn. It's my fault. I did it. I know it. Drinking is for when mums had a bad day. Despite not drinking for s number of years. It's still there. I did this. No other blather except to say friends where do I go from here? Aa tells me to kerp doing the next right thing. I've a sponsor and I work the program hard. Just so down tonight.
all and absolutely no mention of wanting to drink over it- now THATS awesome!
when you refer to
But now I hear things come from thrn. It's my fault. I did it.
what are you referring to? things done today or in the past?
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Tomsteve
It's nothing I've done recently. Perhaps it's a wish for amnesia. Despite my somewhat longterm sobriety, there are of course reminders.
About five days ago we were at my Mother's house and she is dealing with all kinds of stress to do with my brother. She said (and she is by no means a drinker) "I need a drink". And my son replied, "Oh, yeah, Mom drinks when she's had a hard day". And it just hit me again like a ton of bricks.
I have done so much work not to be this person, but here it is. I did it. I bled it on to them.
So much guilt. To be honest I drank for much more than that - good day, bad day, meh day, all deserve a drink. But that's what he picked up.
He hasn't seen me take an alcoholic drink in years. But yet here it is.
And I get it. I deserve it. I did it.
It's nothing I've done recently. Perhaps it's a wish for amnesia. Despite my somewhat longterm sobriety, there are of course reminders.
About five days ago we were at my Mother's house and she is dealing with all kinds of stress to do with my brother. She said (and she is by no means a drinker) "I need a drink". And my son replied, "Oh, yeah, Mom drinks when she's had a hard day". And it just hit me again like a ton of bricks.
I have done so much work not to be this person, but here it is. I did it. I bled it on to them.
So much guilt. To be honest I drank for much more than that - good day, bad day, meh day, all deserve a drink. But that's what he picked up.
He hasn't seen me take an alcoholic drink in years. But yet here it is.
And I get it. I deserve it. I did it.
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Join Date: May 2012
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Alcoholism does have a way of poisoning everyone around us, especially young children. It will take some time, but keep going with your sobriety and they will eventually understand that alcohol is not something in your life anymore. It also possibly should be corrected to them that you are drinking tea, coffee, soda, etc.. especially after 3 years sober as it possibly seems like they may think you are still drinking?
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Originally Posted by Irnldy001
Tomsteve
It's nothing I've done recently. Perhaps it's a wish for amnesia. Despite my somewhat longterm sobriety, there are of course reminders.
About five days ago we were at my Mother's house and she is dealing with all kinds of stress to do with my brother. She said (and she is by no means a drinker) "I need a drink". And my son replied, "Oh, yeah, Mom drinks when she's had a hard day". And it just hit me again like a ton of bricks.
I have done so much work not to be this person, but here it is. I did it. I bled it on to them.
So much guilt. To be honest I drank for much more than that - good day, bad day, meh day, all deserve a drink. But that's what he picked up.
He hasn't seen me take an alcoholic drink in years. But yet here it is.
And I get it. I deserve it. I did it.
It's nothing I've done recently. Perhaps it's a wish for amnesia. Despite my somewhat longterm sobriety, there are of course reminders.
About five days ago we were at my Mother's house and she is dealing with all kinds of stress to do with my brother. She said (and she is by no means a drinker) "I need a drink". And my son replied, "Oh, yeah, Mom drinks when she's had a hard day". And it just hit me again like a ton of bricks.
I have done so much work not to be this person, but here it is. I did it. I bled it on to them.
So much guilt. To be honest I drank for much more than that - good day, bad day, meh day, all deserve a drink. But that's what he picked up.
He hasn't seen me take an alcoholic drink in years. But yet here it is.
And I get it. I deserve it. I did it.
yup, that WAS you. that is no longer you and you can explain that to him.
when my past can come up, i can say today,"yeah, that WAS me. i dont condone my behavior back then and am no longer that person and am very blessed for that."
have ya been through the steps?
what has your sponsor said about it?
we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
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Thanks for the replies.
Yes I am a 12 step person and have been through the steps with a sponsor a number of times.
I did speak with my sponsor about this and she feels it's very in my court in terms of if I want to speak to him directly about my past drinking - and to ensure he understands that that 'drinking' has nothing in common with the gobs of Diet Coke and coffee I drink.
I let the comment go when we were at my Mothers. Husband did raise an eyebrow.
Due to the 'type' of drinker I was, I never really thought my kids saw much of it. And I had thought that I quit it early enough that especially the younger one would not be the one to make the comment.
For the most part there has been no mention of it for the last number of years. For the poster who thinks my kids might be mistaking what I'm drinking - it's usually out of pop can or a coffee mug and there is zero alcohol in our house at all times.
I've never sat down with them and told them the full extent of the problem, which was a decision that I made with DH, and after much discussion with my sponsor and in the rooms at AA. To be clear, no one gave me direct orders not to have the 'talk'. It was a decision I made at the time. There have been times where I've been asked if I'd like a glass of wine and say no, and one or the other asks why I said no, and my answer is "I don't drink any alcohol anymore, it just doesn't agree with me" Kind of akin to people who say they have an allergy.
Again, thanks for the support as things were just feeling so bleak. I've got a bit of perspective back - which is thank goodness this kid has a sober Mother! The only thing I can continue to do for both is to continue to be the sober mom that shows up at everything, cheers them on, never misses a parent night (even when she really wants to curl up on the sofa with a blanket and binge watch the bachelor....).
I'll keep steppin'
Thanks again
Yes I am a 12 step person and have been through the steps with a sponsor a number of times.
I did speak with my sponsor about this and she feels it's very in my court in terms of if I want to speak to him directly about my past drinking - and to ensure he understands that that 'drinking' has nothing in common with the gobs of Diet Coke and coffee I drink.
I let the comment go when we were at my Mothers. Husband did raise an eyebrow.
Due to the 'type' of drinker I was, I never really thought my kids saw much of it. And I had thought that I quit it early enough that especially the younger one would not be the one to make the comment.
For the most part there has been no mention of it for the last number of years. For the poster who thinks my kids might be mistaking what I'm drinking - it's usually out of pop can or a coffee mug and there is zero alcohol in our house at all times.
I've never sat down with them and told them the full extent of the problem, which was a decision that I made with DH, and after much discussion with my sponsor and in the rooms at AA. To be clear, no one gave me direct orders not to have the 'talk'. It was a decision I made at the time. There have been times where I've been asked if I'd like a glass of wine and say no, and one or the other asks why I said no, and my answer is "I don't drink any alcohol anymore, it just doesn't agree with me" Kind of akin to people who say they have an allergy.
Again, thanks for the support as things were just feeling so bleak. I've got a bit of perspective back - which is thank goodness this kid has a sober Mother! The only thing I can continue to do for both is to continue to be the sober mom that shows up at everything, cheers them on, never misses a parent night (even when she really wants to curl up on the sofa with a blanket and binge watch the bachelor....).
I'll keep steppin'
Thanks again
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