MNVikes4life

Hey all,

I am sitting here, feeling down about my drinking habits. I never considered myself an alcoholic. I just thought I was a life of the party. I don't feel like I've ever really had a physical addiction to alcohol, however, my issue always comes down to self control. Lately, almost every time I drink it ends in a blackout. I finally hit my rock bottom last night after "waking up" (coming back from the blackout) in a hospital bed and was told I was found passed out outside of the bar I was at. I have multiple tickets (disorderly) and a huge hospital bill coming so my anxiety is worse than usual after a heavy night of drinking. I realized that looking back on my drinking habits that it was clear I had an issue, but just never admitted it. Anyhow, I guess on the bright side....I am alive I am looking for advice from everyone on the steps I should take in order to stay sober for life. Happy to be hear and look forward to getting to know everyone!

Mummyto2

Welcome, you will get lots of help and support here, keep posting

thomas11

FIrst, glad you ended up in a safe place, could have been worse. What you describe above sounds like a pretty serious wake up call. If you work hard you can achieve sobriety, and its worth it. Welcome to SR.

MNVikes4life

Thank you Mummy and Thomas. I think finding a support group like this will be key to discuss feeling and struggles that people similar to me face. Yes, it is pretty heartbreaking when your parents are worried that the emergency responder was calling to tell my parents I was dead. :/ I just need to figure out what I'm going to fill all the time that I spent drinking with....I just need to get hobbies...

Ghostlight1

Hello and welcome.
I never considered myself an alcoholic, even when having blackouts , until my drinking progressed to drinking at every possible moment. All day and night when I had a chance.
Then came the horrors of the next day, fear, crippling anxiety and remorse.
Even with all my best intentions and swearing it off, I would be back at it as soon as I felt better.
After some terrible withdrawals, I realized I was an alcoholic and addicted to alcohol.

For me, I had to take action. After many failed attempts, I finally attended an AA meeting.
The people there had little in common with me except a desire to quit drinking. That group mentality is very powerfully.
It's been six years since this drunk has had a drink, and at the end, I was about as bad as it gets.
Whatever path you choose, and you may have to take one, I wish you the best.

MNVikes4life

Thanks Ghostlight. I understand that things could easily progress to a worse addiction then even what I currently have; which it why I want to get out in front of things and stop before it gets too bad. I have to admit I do deal with bad anxiety which is probably the reason I drink so much in the first place. So with my anxiety, walking into an AA meeting seems which intimidating. Should I be intimidated? Can you just walk into any meeting?

stargazer016

Good luck MNVikes. There are a lot of great folks here with a ton of experience in battling what you are. Self awareness of the problem is step one. Time to move on from drinking and start rebuilding your life 24 hours at a time. You can do this!

MNVikes4life

Thanks Stargazer! Another question for everyone. I moved away from what I called home about 1 year ago. Do you think that being close to family would make this process easier? I am considering asking my work to allow me to relocate back to MN and work from home. I also fear that working from home would isolate me and potentially make me depressed so I'm not sure what to do

incognition

If your family is a strong support network, I would say go for it. I know I wouldn't be able to do what I have done without the help of my family. Working from home would require you to make an extra effort to go out and socialize, of course, but there's also a lot of stress you avoid from having to show up to a workplace in person.

MNVikes4life

Thanks incognition. I do have a strong support network back in MN that would be able to help me get through the hard days...here in Chicago most of the relationships I have developed are based around alcohol. I'm just nervous since I have a good job that I have worked hard for and I don't want to lose it. I guess my happiness and well-being is more important than any job...

Delilah1

Hello and welcome to SR! This site has been an amazing resource for me, and has helped me to stay sober for the past 19 months. Spend some time reading and posting. Join the August 2017 class, you will be surrounded by others who have committed or recommitted to sobriety this month, and also pop into the 24 hour thread each day, it's a great place to meet some wonderful people, commit to 24 hours of sobriety, and also for support.

Did work bring you to Chicago? Is your job one that you would be able to do at home? I know making a big decision is something not encouraged in early sobriety, however, if you feel being closer to family and friends would provide you the support system you need it might be worth a shot. Maybe you could ask to work from home on a trial basis, and see what you think.

MNVikes4life

Thank you for the recommendations Delilah! I just joined the August class.

Yes, work brought me to Chicago, I had a great job opportunity within my company that required me to relocate. I'm not really sure if my company will let me fulfill my role remotely. Is it possible? Yes. Recommended? No. I think that I might find myself depressed during the weekends around here without a strong network of friends and family. However, I think that I need to find hobbies for the weekends...probably my best bet. Not sure about moving as that alone is a stressful event. I think I need to just be sober here for a month or 2 and re-evaluate things at that point

Ghostlight1

Yes, you can just walk into any meeting. The only requirement is a desire to quit drinking.
Chicago must be full of great meetings. It's a great place to make friends, too.
You say you want a hobby to fill the void of drinking. How about meetings? You have noting to lose except a bad cup of coffee.

Anxiety? I have GAD. It took me weeks to finally get up the nerve to walk through those doors. I circled the place. I watched people go in.
Finally, I wanted to get sober more than I wanted to drink.
I didn't say anything for weeks at meetings. You don't have to.
Just listening helped me so much.
Call the AA line in the phone book and find a meeting near you.
I really hope you make the leap.
I don't think you'll regret it.

Dee74

Glad to have you join us MNVikes4life

D

MNVikes4life

Thanks Ghostlight, that makes me feel a little more comfortable. I'll keep you posted if I go to a meeting. I did a little research and there is a meeting spot right down the road from me so I have no excuse not to go. I'm also thinking about going to a therapist. I can wait to share my experiences on here. I can tell already that this site is going to be very beneficial on my road to sobriety

PhoenixJ

MNV- welcome and congrats. Having a strong awareness of booze being a life destroying habit is essential As is having a recovery plan and action and support. There is a lot of info in the sticky's about planning. Action- for me means the doing. Meetings, counselling, checkups with doc, journal, changing mentality to life (the hard one). The doing also reflects support.
As to family as a support- every family has it's breaking point. The only person who is really responsible for you- is you. I tried for years to get sober- thinking my willpower, family and time would see me successful. Well willpower was not enough and I lost my family in the most dramatic of ways. Food for thought.
Empathy and support to you.

Delilah1

That sounds like a good plan. What kind of hobbies do you enjoy? When I first moved to California I joined Team in Training and I raised money for leukemia and also trained for a marathon with them. I had always been fairly active, but was never really a runner. It turned out to be a great way to meet people, and those long runs definitely filled up a lot of weekend time. I'm sure there are many clubs/groups in Chicago you can look into.

If all else fails, spend time reading and posting on here, it really does help.

Berrybean

That is VERY sensible

I found That once I'd got the first couple of AA meetings under my belt, and got to know some faces there, that meetings really helped to punctuate my week, but especially my weekends, which were my main drinking times.

Volunteering and hobbies really help.

My family and friends might have wanted to help, but they didn't really understand why there should be any problem once I'd stopped drinking. They just saw alcohol as the issue. Thing is, even once that's removed we still need to learn how to move past our alcoholic thinking so that we don't spend the rest of our days crippled with anxiety, resentment and self-loathing. I remember feeling resentful that those who said they loved me just didn't understand - and being on the edge of things made me feel more lonely than being alone would have done I think.


BB

ReadyAtLast

Welcome MNV. This is a great place for support and strength.

SimplyFree

MNVikes, I'm glad you are here. It sounds like you are getting settled into SR nicely. I too come from the land of 10,000 lakes originally. Hobbies or keeping busy especially at first is very helpful and like others have said finding others to support your recovery is important. Find a good AA group or something like that. SR is an awesome community but having a face to face support is best. I have several activities that I pursue to keep me occupied. First I'm a clean freak so cleaning is always on the activity list, but I also run 2-4x a week, since getting sober I practice my guitar 30-60min each day and play out a few times a month. I also have fixed and flipped a couple of cars, just to keep my mind focused on something positive, I rode in a 150 mile bike ride for work, planted new flower beds this spring. Really it was about filling my time completely and going to bed to exhausted too drink. But that was just me. I too love football and we all know drinking goes with that so there are challenges coming still. Good luck and I'm glad you are here!