Soapbubbles

My dad is such a awful person. All he ever cares about is drinking and visiting with his girlfriend that I hate, because she causes so many problems too. The past few days I've been dealing with a health issue and I'm in a lot of pain but my dad left me home alone all night to be with his girlfriend. Then I confront him about it and he just acts like he cares but he really doesn't at all. I asked him to not drink for the night because I might need him to take me to the hospital. Ambulances cost money where I live and I know he'd have a meltdown if he had to pay for it too. I was in severe pain all night and I had to deal with it alone because he was drunk. I confronted him and told him he never cares about me, all he wants to do is drink and be with his stupid girlfriend. I told him if it were her kids that were sick, she'd stay with them but when it's me nobody ever cares. Which is the truth, that's always how it is. He told me not to guilt him into staying with me because it's his birthday tomorrow and he wants to go have fun. I bought him some presents and I got so angry I ripped up the card and threw them in the garbage in front of his face and it felt really good. Why should I give him anything when he can't manage to not drink or leave me for one night. It feels great knowing all he cares about is himself and his girlfriend while I'm curling up in pain. This post isn't too much about alcohol or anything, but all my posts have been about my dad and his addiction so I felt that I needed to share this since I'm very upset.

LexieCat

Well, it actually IS about alcohol--alcoholics are incapable, for the most part, of seeing beyond their immediate gratification. I don't know your dad personally, but I know lots of alcoholics who actually do love their families but treat them in appalling ways because the alcohol simply takes over their lives. I'm not suggesting what he is doing is in any way OK. I'm just suggesting that because he's not in a position to care for you right now you need to care for yourself and to rely on other people who care about you.

He's financially responsible for you until you are an adult. If you are in pain, call the ambulance. If it costs him money, oh WELL. He's the one too drunk to take you to the hospital.

I assume you're still in school? Is there a teacher or counselor there that you could talk to? This is a terrible situation for you to be in, and it would be great if you could find an adult who could advocate for you and help get you the support that you need.

Bob4x4

You love your dad and want to be seen and heard and loved back but it's a really harsh potatoe to accept the fact that your dad really doesn't give two craps about you, although his words he may sometimes say he does, actions speak louder than words.
Booze magnifies the narcissim and selfishness of people, maybe you think that if he didn't drink for a while then you'd get the 'good' kind and caring dad back? and that is what you long for. that is not in your control.
the serenity prayer, repeat often and let it sink in.
It's cheaper in Toronto to take a taxi to any emerg dept. by far. otherwise it is $45 billed a few months later. and unless you are bleeding or having a heart attack your wait to be seen will not be immediate, an ambulance ride just gets you a seat to sit in the tirage area. so don't do it, call a taxi instead if you must.

You may be close to a walk in clinic which will see you much faster than any hospital emerg, go first thing in the morning if you can.

Your dad is an a$$, but you may also be stuck in a child / parent immature relationship that will never progress to a respectful adult relationship... the love and relationship that you want will likely never come, and that really hurts. ( it's hard to see when you are in this relationship situation and proximity ) get away if you can, live your own life, don't be an appendage to your dad and live as his footnote. advice I remind myself of... take care

PhoenixJ

I agree about the school counsellor/youth counsellor idea.

Soapbubbles

Thank you for your reply. I do talk to a counseller about this and I talk to my close friend who understands. Sometimes it's just frustrating because I'm the type of person who cares a lot about people who don't care for me. I probably should learn to get over that.

honeypig

Investigating why this happens consistently is definitely a good idea. Anyone can get burned once or twice. If it's a pattern, it's better you deal with it NOW, as it will likely continue on into your life and set you up for continued unhealthy relationships w/others, be they friends, partners, co-workers, bosses or anyone else you are close to.

dandylion

Soapbubbles....it sounds like you might be in high school.....
May I ask---is it a school counselor or a private counselor that you talk to?
Have you been completely open with them about the conditions at your home?
LOL...I live in Virginia...in the states, so I don't know the Canadian system, very well (not at all...lol)...
I assume that you have a medical doctor for your medical condition?....if so, perhaps you could talk to the doctor or one of the doctor's staff...and ask for them to find you a social worker. Social workers can be very helpful in getting your help of various kinds in situations such as this....
I am glad that you have a friend to talk to.....do keep talking to people about your home situation.... and ask for help....
You sound too young to have all of this on your shoulders...this is the time that you should be free to attend to your studies and future plans for your own adult life....
You should be having dreams and goals for your future and not having to worry about an alcoholic parent.....

amy55

Hi Soapbubbles,

I'm concerned about you. Do you feel any better now, or did you need to go to the hospital?

I did read your other posts and I saw that you just turned 16. It must be really hard for you dealing with this. I'm sorry. Do you have any adult relatives that you feel safe talking to? I understand that you are seeing a counselor. I was just wondering about any other adults that could also be active and supporting in your life.

I'm sure you gathered from all the replies here so far, that alcoholics tend to think more about drinking then as to how they are messing up their own families life.

If you are feeling OK, maybe we can talk a little about you. How are you doing in school? Do you have any after school activities? Are there any groups that you can join in school?

I just wanted to let you know that I really care about you, and I want to be supportive to you.

Let us know how you are doing? OK?

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy

dandylion

Soapbubbles.....given your age....there is a group where you could find understanding others that also are dealing with some of the same things that you are.....
It is Alateen. It is for teenagers who are dealing with alcoholism within their family. You can google it and find the number to call. You could ask them about transportation (rides) to get to the meetings. You might find some friends your own age, there....it would probably be fun for you!

Feel free to keep posting, here.....
We know how hard this is for you to deal with....