Being tested seriously now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: France
Posts: 3,040
Being tested seriously now
BBQ tonight, just found out hubby has to work away next week RED flag for me, but I must stay strong, I am not falling at the first hurdle no blooming way, sod off you devil voice grrrrrr
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: France
Posts: 3,040
My plan is too play with the kids in the pool, dont care if its antisocial towards the adults, as its me fighting this and I need to do everything in my power to not pick up that first drink, I keep fast forwarding to the morning, when I get up fresh and basically they dont as harsh as that sounds
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 185
I am hardly one to offer perspective, as I am pretty new to this, but I am sure you can do it. Sit back and observe everyone else getting sloshed and, as the minutes pass, you'll feel better and better about yourself and the decisions you are making for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
my first cookout sober was hard. I was really uncomfortable and I didn't stay long. I think it is a great idea to be in the pool with the kids. 
Make sure to eat good too and stay hydrated. As far as the weekend you have coming up alone make sure to make some plans! Something that you can look forward too. like the movies, nature hike, shopping, hair or nails done...etc.
Make sure to eat good too and stay hydrated. As far as the weekend you have coming up alone make sure to make some plans! Something that you can look forward too. like the movies, nature hike, shopping, hair or nails done...etc.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
In addition to the plan you've settled on, I might suggest giving yourself permission to leave if (when) you start to feel uncomfortable , playing with the kids and such isn't "enough".....I still leave any event or place I stop enjoying (I focus now on my emotional sobriety rather than physical - 17 mo in) with a polite good bye. If that upsets anyone, that's their business and tells me something (negative) about them.
It's early days, so it's great you're being protective of yourself. Just keep that mindset, no matter what happens.
It's early days, so it's great you're being protective of yourself. Just keep that mindset, no matter what happens.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
That was a huge trigger for me, too. I was a secret drinker so it was especially hard to not drink when my husband travelled. It might help you to plan a lot of different things, meet friends for coffee, walk/hike, start reading a new book, go to a movie, anything that will keep you busy and take your mind off drinking. You can do this and you will be stronger for it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Something I noticed in social situations like this, is that many people actually don't drink as much as I thought they did. They may sip at one drink and even leave it after a while. The more practice you get of Not Drinking, being a Non Drinker, the easier it becomes. And no one else cares.
I became a secret drinker at home, so that was my last danger zone. But once I finally decided to embrace sobriety, and CHOOSE to not drink, it became easier. It wasn't so much DENYING myself or being "strong". It was just a black and white choice. I didn't buy it, I didn't have it in the house. It became something I don't want in my life.
Hang in there! I think you are doing great!
I became a secret drinker at home, so that was my last danger zone. But once I finally decided to embrace sobriety, and CHOOSE to not drink, it became easier. It wasn't so much DENYING myself or being "strong". It was just a black and white choice. I didn't buy it, I didn't have it in the house. It became something I don't want in my life.
Hang in there! I think you are doing great!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
I know it's too late now to not have the BBQ, but while you are in early days it may help to lay low and not have people around you drinking. Maybe cut back on social events.. I found it helped me tremendously to not have any alcohol in my house. I won't buy it, I won't put it in my car to come home.
This is a vulnerable time for you. I like your idea of slipping away to another room.
Is your husband drinking still? Have you had a heart to heart talk with him? Mine was willing to help me by stopping buying wine for himself. He drinks some beer, but that doesn't tempt me the way wine does.
You may need to create some new habits and routines in your household, or it will just be a constant struggle. Your home should be your sanctuary and safe place!
This is a vulnerable time for you. I like your idea of slipping away to another room.
Is your husband drinking still? Have you had a heart to heart talk with him? Mine was willing to help me by stopping buying wine for himself. He drinks some beer, but that doesn't tempt me the way wine does.
You may need to create some new habits and routines in your household, or it will just be a constant struggle. Your home should be your sanctuary and safe place!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Planet Earth (most days)
Posts: 1,596
You know what I've discovered? Life in and of itself is a test to my sobriety. So many things are "triggers" for me, that if I were to avoid them all I'd be avoiding life completely and that's no way to live! As much as I would love to, I cannot hide from the world as I know it.
I surely do not purposely put myself in situations that could disrupt my sobriety. Instead, when something comes up that may be a trigger but I have no other choice but to attend, I look at it as a challenge. Like, "I can do this! I may not like it, but I will survive this without drinking."
Case in point, once a month my coworkers go out after work on what they've dubbed "Thirsty Thursday." It's not obligatory and in 9 months I've only gone one time (that was for a going away party). I ended up going last night simply because we decided to use the occasion to give my boss a little birthday surprise party.
They decided to meet at a local brewery, so you can imagine the smell of the place! I can promise you that I was not looking forward to going AT ALL. That being said, I only stayed for about an hour and then I was ready to jump ship. I made an appearance and (considering the occasion) it was sort of necessary and that was all that mattered.
I can honestly tell you that the hot weather and tall, cool glasses of beer and white wine were killing me! The swilling, the light-hearted silliness of my coworkers, the TALKING about the alcohol was enough to do me in. As I left, I called my husband to say I was on my way home and soooo glad that I don't have to do those kinds of things all the time.
I surely do not purposely put myself in situations that could disrupt my sobriety. Instead, when something comes up that may be a trigger but I have no other choice but to attend, I look at it as a challenge. Like, "I can do this! I may not like it, but I will survive this without drinking."
Case in point, once a month my coworkers go out after work on what they've dubbed "Thirsty Thursday." It's not obligatory and in 9 months I've only gone one time (that was for a going away party). I ended up going last night simply because we decided to use the occasion to give my boss a little birthday surprise party.
They decided to meet at a local brewery, so you can imagine the smell of the place! I can promise you that I was not looking forward to going AT ALL. That being said, I only stayed for about an hour and then I was ready to jump ship. I made an appearance and (considering the occasion) it was sort of necessary and that was all that mattered.
I can honestly tell you that the hot weather and tall, cool glasses of beer and white wine were killing me! The swilling, the light-hearted silliness of my coworkers, the TALKING about the alcohol was enough to do me in. As I left, I called my husband to say I was on my way home and soooo glad that I don't have to do those kinds of things all the time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 185
Originally Posted by tealily 
Something I noticed in social situations like this, is that many people actually don't drink as much as I thought they did. They may sip at one drink and even leave it after a while. The more practice you get of Not Drinking, being a Non Drinker, the easier it becomes. And no one else cares.
I became a secret drinker at home, so that was my last danger zone. But once I finally decided to embrace sobriety, and CHOOSE to not drink, it became easier. It wasn't so much DENYING myself or being "strong". It was just a black and white choice. I didn't buy it, I didn't have it in the house. It became something I don't want in my life.
Hang in there! I think you are doing great!
I became a secret drinker at home, so that was my last danger zone. But once I finally decided to embrace sobriety, and CHOOSE to not drink, it became easier. It wasn't so much DENYING myself or being "strong". It was just a black and white choice. I didn't buy it, I didn't have it in the house. It became something I don't want in my life.
Hang in there! I think you are doing great!
At some point, two things dawned on me: in social situations, many people just sip slowly and don't actually consume much... OR they drink to mortifying sloppiness. I could see which one I was headed toward-- but alone, in secret, with only myself to see my messiness. Sobering realization. (See what I did there?)
*also... "And no one else cares." TRUTH.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 30
Hey Mummy,
I know you can do this and you are going to be so pleased with yourself when you do. You have been an amazing support to me over the last couple of days, I'm so thankful for what you have done for me....and you deserve to treat yourself with the same care that you gave to me. I really want you to get through this and I am going to be looking forward to hearing from you after. I hope you enjoy the food and have fun in the pool aswell
I know you can do this and you are going to be so pleased with yourself when you do. You have been an amazing support to me over the last couple of days, I'm so thankful for what you have done for me....and you deserve to treat yourself with the same care that you gave to me. I really want you to get through this and I am going to be looking forward to hearing from you after. I hope you enjoy the food and have fun in the pool aswell
I have had a good day today
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
