Back for round 4
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Sydney NSW
Posts: 350
Back for round 4
I've come to this forum and then left a bunch of times. Its pretty embarrassing. I've had long stretches of sobriety but I always end up drinking again. Its a combination of thinking I don't really have that much of a problem (denial) and just getting sick of the sober life. I don't love sobriety and I don't like drinking either.
I've decided I want to try again. I've recently moved to a beautiful semi rural area and it seems like a good time for a fresh start. I've moved away from old haunts and old drinking friends. Sadly I brought the booze with me the first week I was here. It seems my new start is tarnished. I don't want that. I can tell you walking home from a strange bar in a strange land when it is barely above freezing (this area is in the mountains and very cold) is no fun.
Each time I have started drinking again I have been better with it than the time before. I realise this diverts from the usual pattern and that encourages my habit of denial. Stuff like.. I never bring booze home anymore. Usually stick to a max of four drinks etc... a few years ago I routinely drank a bottle of wine and couple nips spirits most nights. So now I have this illusion of control, but fact is drinking still causes problems in my life.
To get me started I've decided to list them here:
- lack of sleep. Alcohol makes me wake up too early.
-Anxiety. Some days I have bad anxiety the day after, especially if I didn't get enough sleep.
-Occasional loss of control. Sometimes I exceed my four and have to go to work or other appointments hungover. I have even called in sick on occasion recently.
-Time spent drinking and time spent recovering from alcohol or lack of sleep is time I could be productive enjoying my work and hobbies.
-People. I don't really like the people I talk to and hang out with when I'm drinking. I actually don't have much in common with them except the booze. I'd rather talk to someone else or just hang by myself.
-Lying. I lie to my parents about where I've been and how much I drank etc. Just a lot of lying in general, including to myself. I am an honest person in other areas of my life and lying does not sit well with me.
-Life seems smaller and lacking in colour and variety because I am preoccupied with when I can next drink. It just swallows up larger and larger areas of my life... even when I am not doing it that much. Taking it off the table as an option will stop me thinking about it all the time.
I'm sure there are others but those are the main ones right now.
My issues with alcohol are a little complicated as I use it as a physical pain treatment as well. I have a GI condition that docs will not prescribe pain meds for because it makes it worse in the long term. There are other meds but nothing effective. Alcohol has been the only thing i have found that helps my pain.
Last time in sobriety I became extremely thin because I could not eat enough due to the untreated GI pain I was experiencing. So I'm not sure how that side of things is going to pan out. In truth its the main thing I am dreading about sobriety right now.
Thanks for listening and I wish you all the best on your individual paths of recovery!
I've decided I want to try again. I've recently moved to a beautiful semi rural area and it seems like a good time for a fresh start. I've moved away from old haunts and old drinking friends. Sadly I brought the booze with me the first week I was here. It seems my new start is tarnished. I don't want that. I can tell you walking home from a strange bar in a strange land when it is barely above freezing (this area is in the mountains and very cold) is no fun.
Each time I have started drinking again I have been better with it than the time before. I realise this diverts from the usual pattern and that encourages my habit of denial. Stuff like.. I never bring booze home anymore. Usually stick to a max of four drinks etc... a few years ago I routinely drank a bottle of wine and couple nips spirits most nights. So now I have this illusion of control, but fact is drinking still causes problems in my life.
To get me started I've decided to list them here:
- lack of sleep. Alcohol makes me wake up too early.
-Anxiety. Some days I have bad anxiety the day after, especially if I didn't get enough sleep.
-Occasional loss of control. Sometimes I exceed my four and have to go to work or other appointments hungover. I have even called in sick on occasion recently.
-Time spent drinking and time spent recovering from alcohol or lack of sleep is time I could be productive enjoying my work and hobbies.
-People. I don't really like the people I talk to and hang out with when I'm drinking. I actually don't have much in common with them except the booze. I'd rather talk to someone else or just hang by myself.
-Lying. I lie to my parents about where I've been and how much I drank etc. Just a lot of lying in general, including to myself. I am an honest person in other areas of my life and lying does not sit well with me.
-Life seems smaller and lacking in colour and variety because I am preoccupied with when I can next drink. It just swallows up larger and larger areas of my life... even when I am not doing it that much. Taking it off the table as an option will stop me thinking about it all the time.
I'm sure there are others but those are the main ones right now.
My issues with alcohol are a little complicated as I use it as a physical pain treatment as well. I have a GI condition that docs will not prescribe pain meds for because it makes it worse in the long term. There are other meds but nothing effective. Alcohol has been the only thing i have found that helps my pain.
Last time in sobriety I became extremely thin because I could not eat enough due to the untreated GI pain I was experiencing. So I'm not sure how that side of things is going to pan out. In truth its the main thing I am dreading about sobriety right now.
Thanks for listening and I wish you all the best on your individual paths of recovery!
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Glad you're here.
Do you have a plan this time? Dee has a good thread and there are lots of other suggestions besides my chosen path, which is AA - and SR is a community of support you can stick with this time. Have you looked at the Class of July thread under newcomers?
Physical pain is very difficult to imagine handling without drinking. I do know, though, that no one will tell you it is ultimately helped by continuing to drink. I like many others found that everything- absolutely everything- was getting worse the longer I drank.
Best to you.
Do you have a plan this time? Dee has a good thread and there are lots of other suggestions besides my chosen path, which is AA - and SR is a community of support you can stick with this time. Have you looked at the Class of July thread under newcomers?
Physical pain is very difficult to imagine handling without drinking. I do know, though, that no one will tell you it is ultimately helped by continuing to drink. I like many others found that everything- absolutely everything- was getting worse the longer I drank.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome back!! 
You haven't mentioned what you're going to do differently this time, for me continuing to do the same things but hoping or wishing the results would be different never seemed to work, instead I needed to change up my actions, my routines, the people I hung out with, my activities.
You can do this!!
You haven't mentioned what you're going to do differently this time, for me continuing to do the same things but hoping or wishing the results would be different never seemed to work, instead I needed to change up my actions, my routines, the people I hung out with, my activities.
You can do this!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Welcome back
my experience is that alcohol was less and less effective as pain relief the longer I used it. After a certain point it stopped working at all.
I really urge you not to give up looking for the right treatment for you pain - but please - do stop drinking...it's not going to be helping your GI problem and it may even be exacerbating it.
D
my experience is that alcohol was less and less effective as pain relief the longer I used it. After a certain point it stopped working at all.
I really urge you not to give up looking for the right treatment for you pain - but please - do stop drinking...it's not going to be helping your GI problem and it may even be exacerbating it.
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Hi. Welcome back.
I can identify with all the items on your list. The worst part? Lying to MYSELF! (Anxiety in the middle of the night waking me from the oh-so- pleasant pass out? Very close second!) I only have 12 days sober this go around...but I'm very keen to keep at it. I do not want to go back into the abyss.
I hope you are able to find help for your GI issues. Alcohol may ease the pain for now but may cause other GI issues down the road. Having had pancreatitis caused by alcohol consumption...that was beyond excruciating pain. I was screaming/writhing in pain in the ER. 9 days in intensive care unit. The diluadid drip did little to help the first few days. No food or water for days & days. I'm very fortunate that it didn't get infected. That kills many people.
Good luck on your recovery in all aspects.
J
I can identify with all the items on your list. The worst part? Lying to MYSELF! (Anxiety in the middle of the night waking me from the oh-so- pleasant pass out? Very close second!) I only have 12 days sober this go around...but I'm very keen to keep at it. I do not want to go back into the abyss.
I hope you are able to find help for your GI issues. Alcohol may ease the pain for now but may cause other GI issues down the road. Having had pancreatitis caused by alcohol consumption...that was beyond excruciating pain. I was screaming/writhing in pain in the ER. 9 days in intensive care unit. The diluadid drip did little to help the first few days. No food or water for days & days. I'm very fortunate that it didn't get infected. That kills many people.
Good luck on your recovery in all aspects.
J
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Good to see you, sickofthis. You've never given up trying for a better life, & that's a great thing. When we're drinking, life is indeed smaller and lacking in color - that's how I felt too. I was losing my soul.
When I came here almost 10 yrs. ago I knew in my heart I had to quit - but I wasn't quite ready. So I stuck around and read everything I could to give myself courage and determination. It took me a few months, but I finally made the commitment to get free. This January I'll be sober 10 yrs. I never looked back, after a lifetime of drinking. You can do it too.
When I came here almost 10 yrs. ago I knew in my heart I had to quit - but I wasn't quite ready. So I stuck around and read everything I could to give myself courage and determination. It took me a few months, but I finally made the commitment to get free. This January I'll be sober 10 yrs. I never looked back, after a lifetime of drinking. You can do it too.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
When you can't do it on your own you might consider AA.
It offers direct leadership and guidance from folks that have been there and need to help. They don't just want to help, they need to help. It helps them.
I shouldn't be posting right now, i am in a meeting. I was bored and wanted to see some of my people.
Thanks.
It offers direct leadership and guidance from folks that have been there and need to help. They don't just want to help, they need to help. It helps them.
I shouldn't be posting right now, i am in a meeting. I was bored and wanted to see some of my people.
Thanks.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
