Margie57

So it finally happened, he is at the rehab. Not sure how I feel about it, but I know he feels betrayed, lost, angry and probably hates me even more. Silently I am hoping he will come out as a new man and we will live happily ever after, but the realistic ME kicks in and I know he will come back with the same attitude and eventually will pick up another drink, and then another...and MY family will again tell me its my fault. I dont know who to be mad at more, them or him. I am loosing control of my own feelings, I am confused, I cant tell the difference between angry, hurt, dissappointed or just plainly mad. I decided to cut any contact with my family since they mostly upset me and I cant deal with them right now. I know this is probably a good thing for him, for us..why then do I feel so miserable?

Gabe

Hey Margie,
When you've lived with disappointment after disappointment, it's hard to think that the outcome will be any different this time. But it can be. That's up to him and how much he's willing to dedicate himself to recovery. That remains to be seen. When he wants it bad enough, recovery is right there waiting for him.
Good for you for shutting your family down for a while if they are making things worse. That is the last thing you need.
Now is the time to focus on you.
This disease has affected your life just as much as it has affected his.
What are you going to do to make your life better?
Welcome to Sober Recovery, I'm glad you're here.
Gabe

Ann

Margie

His recovery may be a matter of life or death, so let's hope he grabs on and hangs on tight.

While he is there, why not try some meetings for yourself, and work on your recovery, so that when he gets out, you will be better prepared to look after what matters most to you, your own serenity.

The way I see it is that you can spend this time worrying about his addiction and his recovery and tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, OR you can enjoy the peace and beauty in today and start healing.

Sure this may all lead to disappointment...there are no guarantees of anything in life. But it may be the beginning of a new life for him and for you. We don't get to see tomorrow until it comes, and second guessing it will not change the outcome. Live in today, be glad he is trying and in a good place, and take this time to regain your balance and heal.

Hugs
Ann

Magichappens

Hey Margie,
Whether or not he "gets" it, you can find some peace, serenity, and support. There are a lot of people going through the same situations, and learning how to make their life better, despite what others choose to do.

Reaching out is a great first step. This forum is full of people who have been victims of the disease of addiction. There is hope and help.

I have found that the Al-Anon support has helped me to learn to take care of and like me, and stop blaming myself for other peoples' unhappiness. Our life doesn't have to be a depressing mess because others blame us. We don't have to be responsible for everyone else's happiness. But we can learn how to take responsibility for our own.

You can find some happiness. You don't have to stay down. It takes time, and reaching out, but there is hope. If you are interested in finding an Al-Anon meeting in your area, http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/english.html and select "How to locate a meeting."

Keep coming here. Browse the forum, post or vent. You will find that there are many here who understand and have found better, healthier ways to cope and live. Don't miss the powerposts at the top of the forum. There is a great book list there. You don't have to go through this alone, and you don't have to stay unhappy. Hugs, Magic

jalacola

I am all too familiar with your situation. My husband went to rehab in August for 15 days. He self-admitted himself after a bad weekend and a little bit of intervention with the help of his sister. It was a very tough decision for him b/c he has a great job and was on his way "up the ladder." He felt that going to rehab would jeopardize his future there. His company was shocked that he had such a problem, but they were very supportive. For two weeks after he was out, things were great. But then he stopped working the program. Once he started making excuses and not going to meetings, not calling his sponsor, he became the same person that he was before. I was afraid that he was going to be bitter about being in rehab, but he wasn't. It made him see that this disease can happen to anyone and that it doesn't discriminate. He is currently back at day 5 sober (though I suspect he drank last night behind my back). It is very difficult. Try to get some counseling and attend some al-anon meetings. Does his rehab have a family day or family sessions or family counseling? My AH's did and they were terrific. It really helped alot to be able to talk openly and for my AH to not be in a place where he could blame me for everything, particularly his drinking. Not only were the counselors quick to call him "out" on it, but the other addicts would jump on him as well. It was great! Hang in there. I am hanging by a frayed thread by my pinky, but I am hanging, nevertheless!