Gracey

Am I reaching here or do they hate to see you happy and having a good time without them?

ASpouse

I think what they hate is not being able to control someone or something. I don't think they look at it the same way you do.

Gracey

I broke his spell didnt I.........Lastnight anyway

Lorelai

The point is that you are happy and having a good time - not what they think about it.

I had to get out of the habit of making all of my decisions based on what would make my H happy. I had to get into the habit of doing what made ME happy as long as I wasn't doing anything that I felt was morally wrong. I don't think they'll ever be happy as long as they keep doing what they're doing - no matter what we do.

L

brightlight

Take today, my husband called to explain something to me. He never takes time to call me, but today he is worried because two days ago he told me he would never go to the bar again because he acted so bad. Also, a drinking buddy told him to hang the phone up on me and said bi**h, bi**h, bi**h. He told me today that he wanted me to understand that the guy did not call me a bi**h, but said I was going on and on when I talked on the phone, so was bi***ing. He says there is a difference. He said in a real pitiful voice, well TRY to have a good day. He is hoping I am having a bad day and that I am here typing and taking care of kids while he is going to go have MORE FUN than me. He hopes that sitting in a smokey, dark building drinking his life away is more fun than me. I know he is planning on going, so I am taking the kids and going shopping. He likes to make it that I have a pitiful life and do not understand how things really are in the world. I used to say that there was no way both of us could be happy. If he was happy it meant he was doing something like drinking. If I was happy then he was depressed because either I was not home or talking on the phone to a friend. He seems to judge whether he is having a good day by how miserable I am.

Peaches04

Yes, there is something to that...not sure what it is. I think it follows along the same line of a A insulting you - to make themselves feel better. I think they are most comfortable when your misery level is commiserate with theirs... something like that anyway. Whatever the case is or the reason...it completely messes up their reward system or comfort level, when they realize we are just fine, sometimes better, without them around.
Loerelai is right though - the point is that YOU are having a good time - who cares what he thinks about it ... worrying about things like that is what got us to where we are in the first place, right!?