Here we go again!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 175
Here we go again!
Here I go again...this time I'm sticking to it, sobriety that is.
I'm almost 50 y/o and the last 10-12 years have been dominated by alcohol.
I've been able to stop for a week or two with no problems, my longest stretch was about 4 months.
The last two years have been the worst, lost a great job with benefits, bonuses, great pay etc because I would skip work to spend days locked up with my good buddy Al Cohol. My boss finally confronted me about my constantly missing work and of course I would lie about having a death in the family, car trouble etc.
I dried up for a few days, went to work and finally told my boss I had a drinking problem, he helped me find a rehab center that was covered by my insurance so off I went to a 5 day detox, my sobriety ended on my way home from the rehab center, I had to celebrate my sobriety and the fact that I was given a second chance at work!
I managed to cut waaaaay back on the booze but two months later I found myself skipping work again to hang out with my buddy Al.
When I decided to go back to work my security badge no longer worked on the front door, ten minuets later the boss calls and informs me I'm no longer needed, I just drove home knowing I got what I deserved.
A friend of mine gave me a part time job, which allowed for more drinking time, some days it would be 20 beers or a fifth of wiskey, some days I would slow down and told my self "only a pint of wiskey today and you gotta wait till 5pm" So I would waste my day staring at the clock waiting for 5pm.
The last two months have been really bad, I even managed to miss work at a part time job.
I have nothing or no one to blame and I never really made excuses for why I drank the way I did I just did, I do have some depression and have had anxiety issues for years that booze always managed to cure, for a while anyway.
I've never had "violent" hangovers no matter how much I drank, I would wake up foggy but no nausea, headaches or vomiting even for as much as I binged my withdrawals were always minor, just anxiety and cravings.
Went to the doctor last month for a check up including a thorough blood work and was given a clean bill of health, cept for high blood pressure, so I celebrated with some good booze not the usual cheap stuff, I celebrated for a week!
So about 10 days ago I jump into my truck to go grab a bottle and for some strange reason I stopped in the middle of my drive way and thought about all the days I pissed away sitting here drinking, the jobs, I've lost, the lies I told and the vacations I've ruined over booze.
I finally realized I don't "have" to stop drinking but I "want" to stop .
I haven't had a drop in 10 days, I'm taking something for the anxiety and my blood pressure, which was crazy high even on meds is now about normal.
I discovered SR about a week ago and it has REALLY helped! The folks on here are a great and caring bunch of people!
I still haven't been sleeping worth a darn but thats OK, the first thing I tell myself when I get out of bed is "You'er not drinking today, so forget about"!
I'm almost 50 y/o and the last 10-12 years have been dominated by alcohol.
I've been able to stop for a week or two with no problems, my longest stretch was about 4 months.
The last two years have been the worst, lost a great job with benefits, bonuses, great pay etc because I would skip work to spend days locked up with my good buddy Al Cohol. My boss finally confronted me about my constantly missing work and of course I would lie about having a death in the family, car trouble etc.
I dried up for a few days, went to work and finally told my boss I had a drinking problem, he helped me find a rehab center that was covered by my insurance so off I went to a 5 day detox, my sobriety ended on my way home from the rehab center, I had to celebrate my sobriety and the fact that I was given a second chance at work!
I managed to cut waaaaay back on the booze but two months later I found myself skipping work again to hang out with my buddy Al.
When I decided to go back to work my security badge no longer worked on the front door, ten minuets later the boss calls and informs me I'm no longer needed, I just drove home knowing I got what I deserved.
A friend of mine gave me a part time job, which allowed for more drinking time, some days it would be 20 beers or a fifth of wiskey, some days I would slow down and told my self "only a pint of wiskey today and you gotta wait till 5pm" So I would waste my day staring at the clock waiting for 5pm.
The last two months have been really bad, I even managed to miss work at a part time job.
I have nothing or no one to blame and I never really made excuses for why I drank the way I did I just did, I do have some depression and have had anxiety issues for years that booze always managed to cure, for a while anyway.
I've never had "violent" hangovers no matter how much I drank, I would wake up foggy but no nausea, headaches or vomiting even for as much as I binged my withdrawals were always minor, just anxiety and cravings.
Went to the doctor last month for a check up including a thorough blood work and was given a clean bill of health, cept for high blood pressure, so I celebrated with some good booze not the usual cheap stuff, I celebrated for a week!
So about 10 days ago I jump into my truck to go grab a bottle and for some strange reason I stopped in the middle of my drive way and thought about all the days I pissed away sitting here drinking, the jobs, I've lost, the lies I told and the vacations I've ruined over booze.
I finally realized I don't "have" to stop drinking but I "want" to stop .
I haven't had a drop in 10 days, I'm taking something for the anxiety and my blood pressure, which was crazy high even on meds is now about normal.
I discovered SR about a week ago and it has REALLY helped! The folks on here are a great and caring bunch of people!
I still haven't been sleeping worth a darn but thats OK, the first thing I tell myself when I get out of bed is "You'er not drinking today, so forget about"!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Welcom J, I can relate to your post a lot. Very similar to my story except I lost control earlier in life. Both of us managed to stop at times. I think anyone can stop. I did it for three months on one occasion.
The big challenge, the thing I had found impossible, was to stay stopped. For me, a life without alcohol was a miserable affair, almost a miserable as lfe drinking. To stay stopped, it had to be better, I had to find a better way to live, and that took effort, commitment, and a good plan.
Being fresh out of ideas myself, I did not have the capacity to create a plan, so I pinched someone elses, one with a proven record of success and followed that. Never needed to drink again.
What an amazing boss you had too. I had an employer like that. He probably saved my life.
The big challenge, the thing I had found impossible, was to stay stopped. For me, a life without alcohol was a miserable affair, almost a miserable as lfe drinking. To stay stopped, it had to be better, I had to find a better way to live, and that took effort, commitment, and a good plan.
Being fresh out of ideas myself, I did not have the capacity to create a plan, so I pinched someone elses, one with a proven record of success and followed that. Never needed to drink again.
What an amazing boss you had too. I had an employer like that. He probably saved my life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 175
Originally Posted by ananda 
I'm so glad you are here! Since you've been reading some here, maybe you will find some plan for sobriety that will work for you.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Two threads you could post on every day are the Class of May (in Newcomers) and the 24 hour Recovery Connection thread (in Daily Support).
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-two.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-250-a.html
Take advantage of all the support here.
Read and post as much as you like. You can do this. 
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-two.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-250-a.html
Take advantage of all the support here.
Read and post as much as you like. You can do this. Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: North Georgia Mountains
Posts: 588
Welcome JS. Great post and congrats on 10 days. The people here have made all the difference in the world to me in who knows how many attempts at sobriety I have had. This time I too want to stop forever.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 175
Originally Posted by RetiredGuy
Welcome JS. Great post and congrats on 10 days. The people here have made all the difference in the world to me in who knows how many attempts at sobriety I have had. This time I too want to stop forever.
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