BLo72

Hi all, first poster here and I’d like to share my experience with all of you and hopefully inspire at least one person make the life choice of change and get to a better place. Keep in mind this all happened to me, so even when I mention ‘you may feel…’ means me, all day.

A couple of months ago I decided my drinking was going to cost me my job if I didn’t make a change (insert irony here) so I decided that I will embark on that hellish ride that is detox. One week I came down with a flu so I thought this is my chance to do it – with a few days off and doctor’s note in hand – I began, and OMG. The nightmare was begun. I knew what to expect from previous attempts but it’s brutal. I got the typical night sweats, shivers, constant vomiting, nausea (you will loath anything food related – even cooking shows, as I found out), eyeballs in an inferno, difficulty sleeping (mostly due conditions), and just general feeling like death-warmed-over.

For this one I was attempting a ‘taper-down’ which seemed to work from at least a half bottle of gin/vodka a night to one shot of single malt before bed. Once the God-awful symptom’s subsided, I was able to maintain this regimen for 15 days, a marked improvement in my opinion.

Day 16, go to work – get fired. Fantastic, the very thing I was trying prevent just got handed to me. So, you ask yourself ‘what does anyone who’s just gone through hell and back do to beat this thing?’ Well, on the way home you stop off to see if either Charles or Mr. Smirnoff want to hang out. So, there we begun undoing all of the goodness that I had enjoyed for the past 15 days and begin a new downward spiral.

Week and a half or so of binging and eventually the guilt, anger, depression crept up so I made a revelation – I’m not going to FIND a job if I keep this up, so for the second time in as many months I decided to enter Dante’s Inferno again. This time (I suppose because in the weeks previous, I was going harder than normal) there were a couple new spices thrown in the mix. All the usual ones listed above were most certainly there but the new additions were Vertigo! WTH is vertigo? I’d read a lot of people get it when detoxing but I’d never experienced it. Very weird indeed. On day 3, I wanted to grab soda from the store like 5 mins from home (more on why later) and as soon as I stepped outside I swore my legs had become rubber bands and my feet were small logs attached the same way! I actually had to inch up to a curb and assess the landing zones for both feet to ensure a safe accent and that I don’t bail and take my chicklets home in my pocket. The 3 minute walk to the store, private-ish, brand new sidewalk and to passersby’s I must have looked like I was traversing a crevasse on Everest with a 30mph wind at my….well, at my every-side. Got my soda and gingerly stepped down, thinking ‘great’ no I have a couple of extra pounds to deal with….think ‘Sherpa on my back’. Very odd sensation – trying to manoeuver feeling like someone poured rum in my ear and sent me off with broken roller-skates! The evening shower was fun also. Kinda bent over, one hand on the little soap-tray, alternating sides, wee bit awkward. Then it came time for the dismount – ‘how the hell am I going to get out without breaking my neck?’ Option A – determine if any towel racks look like they would stay moored in place when I reach for them or B – sit on the edge of the tub and just spin around? B it was. Perfect 10, cross the board. So lesson here is if you feel a little light headed, stay home and horizontal. Safer. The reason for the soda water, my usual drink was that with a shot of berry and then the booze, now same minus the booze – kinda tricks me thinking it’s the same drink.

The second new thing was Hallucinations. Nothing crazy – just super weird. I guess that’s why they’re called hallucinations – mind makes stuff up. At night, lying in bed praying to the Almighty for even 1hr sleep, a little plant appeared on my side-table, so when I was waiting to see if the Sandman would ever show, I could appreciate its beauty, and play with its little imaginary leaves. So weird. But having ‘experimented’ in high school, I know that by morning the greenhouse will have moved on.

Couple things that I found helped me through the worst days: fever reducer, melatonin to help slow the brain, eye drops (tonnes of eye drops), beach towels bedside for when you sleep on one and it gets drenched, you can have a nice dry one to replace, same with change of PJ’s, lots of vitamins and mostly water/electrolytes by the gallon. You will be SO thirsty and need the hydration.

I’m writing this at 6am on morning of day 5, so goes to show you get a tonne of energy back, yes – love to sleep but also enjoying a beautiful sunrise that I haven’t seen in forever. With a clear head too.

So that’s it folks, I hope I’ve brought a little humour to an otherwise absolutely hellish ordeal for those of us that choose to go through it. It’s not easy that’s for sure but you’re so much better off making it through. You CAN slay this dragon, only this time – wielding a kitchen knife.

Now when tonight rolls around, I’ll be faced with a decision…do I have my 1 shot of single malt, or don’t I? And you know what – I can honestly say ‘I couldn't care less’.

And that ..................... is something.

Courage and Love to everyone.

bimbott

Welcome BLo. Thanks for posting.

PhoenixJ

welcome- good one, do you have a plan for the long haul?
Support to you.

soberandhonest

Great post BLo72! I do appreciate the humor mixed in too! It certainly is healthy to maintain a sense of humor through all of this. Thanks for sharing.

I'm a little confused as to whether you have kept up the "one shot a night" thing through the last five days? I think so. I would definitely give that up. It seems like you are going through all of the pains of detox without the pleasure of starting to count up sober days. You may as well rid yourself of the booze completely.

Good luck on the job hunt and thanks again for sharing your story. Keep posting!

poolside

Thanks, BLo, that was awesome! 😂 I can definitely identify with the leg issues. Wth is that all about? There I was, a fit, grown man shuffling across the parking lot like an old man. It was (is) hard. Good luck with your continued recovery.

Dee74

Welcome to the gang Blo

D

D122y

B72,

Totally had many of your wd symptoms.

I had kindled for about 10 years, so pulling out of my paws has taken the betters part of 2 years.

I still have anxiety every day that has dissipated from hellish suffering. Pitted out, weat palm, 140 bpm..agoraphobia.

Made it drug free w arguably mild ptsd.

I don't drink anymore.

Thanks.

charlzwinter

Great post I can relate. I could drink 750 ml of Scotch from 8-11pm and be right as rain the next day for years. Gym 5x a week not a lb of fat on me.

Detox was much much worse than my worst hangover and it lasted weeks. I was in and out of the hospital 2x dealing with heart issues.

Its a good sign that you don't care about your next drink stay in that space, build new habbits and avoid triggers. Good luck on the job hunt!

poolside

That was my schedule for years. I don't know how I did it. Towards the end I was drinking less in the evening, mainly using it to relax and fall asleep.

Recovery has been fairly challenging, physically, and I'm still dealing with it now 4 months in. But relapsing is not an option.