HeartbrokenGuy

Hi all,

I was looking for some advice or others experiences.

I recently joined a co-ed softball team at work. I've always enjoyed playing and got away from it a few years ago.

Anyhow, the organizer just told me that they have happy hour before or after games depending on start time. In the past, before my recent exposure to alcoholism, I would have absolutely gone and hung out.

Now that I've lived this for the last couple years, I'm hesitating.

I know there are tons of "normies" out there and my fiancé just wasn't one of them. I don't want to exclude myself from people. I also am not sure how I will handle being around people drinking.

Anyone else hang out with "normies" and go to happy hour type events?

LexieCat

I don't really enjoy happy hours, since I'm an alcoholic and don't drink. I don't mind stopping by, but if they get very long I get pretty bored.

I think if I were you I'd give it a try. If you don't like it, you can skip the happy hours next time, or just arrive late/leave early (depending on whether it's before or after). Up until my own drinking got out of control, it didn't bother me to go to bars/parties. I don't like to be around sloppy drunks, but if you have no reason to think people would go overboard, no reason not to give it a try.

firebolt

I have taken a hard look at my friends in the last couple years, and I don't know that I would categorize most of them as normies. I see some problem drinking in many of the people I have bonded with (hmmm). I will go have a drink, or go hang out and not drink from time to time (and me not drinking makes one couple in particular uncomfortable and pushy.) Plus, people getting drunk and louder or repetitive at bars are a pretty big trigger for me, and I usually make a quick exit.

The ones I would call normies....well...we don't go to bars. We go on a hike, or go fishing or ride our motorcycles, or have lunch, or play cribbage, or have the rare beer I guess.

My friends threw me a big bonfire last weekend for my birthday, and many of them gave me alcohol for a gift. I have 3 bottles of wine, 2 bottles of champagne, and a bottle of whiskey now - that will sit and collect dust for a while in my apartment. It is clear that in the last 4 years that all of my statements of 'i don't really drink much,' 'I went through hell with xabfs drinking and I really don't like it anymore', and 'i want a healthier life' have fallen on deaf ears.....because of MY actions in the past. Interesting...

Anywho, you know your tolerance for hanging out over drinks...I would guess that the bar is a bit of a different experience for you now, and you only have to stay as long as you want to. Also - if we want normies for friends, I don't think most of them LOVE the bar after a certain age, ya know?

Maudcat

I would check it put at least, HB. Could be a way to add to your circle.
Don't have to do it again if you find you don't enjoy it.
There is often drinking around team stuff like softball. I think its kind of unfortunate, but then I find bars boring and always have. I was an at home drinker.

Gonnachange

I would go. If it's a before the game event then you know the time at the bar will be limited and, hopefully for the success of your team, folks won't be drinking too much. If it's an after the game event you always have the option of leaving when you want to.

Since you asked, I hang out with people who drink responsibly, but we usually gather at someone's home and not in a bar.

Smarie78

I would still go, but if you start to feel uncomfortable then just leave. I wouldn't say this to an addict now, but for a normal drinker you're not necessarily in danger of ruining anything if you went (I assume you are not an addict). I am a normal drinker and enjoy drinking and oddly enough throughout all my struggles with the addict, it never impacted my own exposure to others drinking. My habits stayed the same as well (outside of trying not drinking in front of the addict)

Sometimes being with an addict leaves us with a bit of PTSD so if you feel this outing can trigger something in you that may be painful, you can always avoid it and still play with the team. It's funny looking back because I too use to join softball clubs and it always entailed pre and definitely post-drinks at a sponsoring bar. It's amazing how much alcohol is truly everywhere. Kudos for you for joining though because it's a great hobby to keep you busy and social. I remember joining last year as a means to get out of the addiction drama. Of course it brought on other drama with the alcoholic thinking I was joining to meet guys *eye roll*
ll be doing it again.

AnvilheadII

if the happy hour is BEFORE the game, show up closer to game time.
if the happy hour is AFTER the game, set a personal time limit of say 15-30 minutes.

i think getting involved in an athletic/social activity sounds like a very good idea. it's something you've done before and enjoyed.

LexieCat

One other thing I do, personally, is avoid happy hours that don't serve food. If there's food, I can eat and drink my diet coke happily. Otherwise, I feel like I'm just watching other people drink, which is pretty dull if you don't.

HeartbrokenGuy

Thank you all.

Sound advice as always.

I don't know if I was a problem drinker or not. When I did drink it was for the purpose of getting drunk which I would say is a very significant red flag for me now.

I don't know how I'll react, but I will check it out.

I have been doing the hiking thing and have joined some Meetup groups. All my really close friends live out of state. And the acquaintances I have here are definitely the happy hour type. Other people's drinking has never really bothered me in the past. However, I hadn't been exposed to final stage alcoholism at that point either.

I am very thankful for all the wonderful people here to give me some guidance

dandylion

Heartbroken Guy....just for fun, I will tell you a story...one that I had long forgotten about.
There was a hole-in-the wall restaurant/bar on Pennsylvania avenue, s few blocks down from the White House....and, it was the exclusive gathering place for the medical community (GW Hospital and Medical School was across the street), on Friday nights, for TGIF. Of course, I was there...lol...
There was a softball league...all guys...from Capitol Hill...all lawyers...who came on Friday nights after their game to "invade" our bar! Like aliens from another planet. They were called the "Premature Adjudicators".
What a fun group, they were....who knew that lawyers could be so much fun?...lol...

HeartbrokenGuy

Ha ha Too funny

It reminds me of one of the first men's league teams I played on. We didn't have a name but had shirts printed up that said "Help, I think my drinking team has a softball problem!"

Not as funny now. But we laughed our asses off back then

atalose

I think I would look at it as a social experience as apposed to a drinking fest. At least check it out and if it doesn't fit or feel right then only show up for the game.

I think it's great you are getting out and joining groups!!!

HeartbrokenGuy

Thank you.

My life did not end because hers did. I don't want that to sound callous and uncaring. I've missed her everyday since I asked her to leave and even more since she passed away.

I know I have a lot of healing and recovery to do. I just don't want to feel like I'm sitting on the sidelines to do it.

atalose

No not at all callous or uncaring. You deserve to live your life and to be happy.

HoneyBeez

I don't think that sounds callous or uncaring at all. Your life did not end, amd you deserve to get out there and live it, at whatever pace, and in whatever manner you are happy with.

I agree with the others, go! The worst that could happen is you don't enjoy yourself and decide it's not for you, and make an early exit.

Nata1980

Yes, absolutely.

I don't drink often - primarily because of my responsibilities and the fact that I can feel alcohol the day after - even 1 beer

The only negative experience I had recently is being stuck on a boat in the middle of the lake where people got progressively more intoxicated - did not care for that.....

Lilro

Yes, go, get out .....

As long as YOU do not have a drinking issue, why not? My friends, our friends and I meet up the same night, same place every week for a weekly meet up, catch up happy hour. Of course this also includes bar bites. We are all so busy all the time so I actually look forward to it...

Ro

BTW, my friend who also just lost his girlfriend a month ago now joins us. It's good to keep busy.