i cant believe im in my 12th week!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 110
i cant believe im in my 12th week!
I stopped counting in days now, and am mid 12th week and I honestly cant believe I am this far from where I was this time last year. For all those wondering if they can really do it, yes you can. You really can. I don't have a huge sober streak, but for me it is amazing. Its been a rollercoaster, Ive gone through the anxiety, the shame of past behaviour, the guilt of being a less than mediocre parent to my kid. The anger at not being 'normal', the cravings, the frustration....and its all worth it. At one point due to a misunderstanding I lost my relationship to my history of drinking, and I was so lucky to be able to gain it back by proving with my actions that this time I mean it.
Not every day is easy, some days I crave red wine...which is odd as it was never my drink of choice, I put a little weight on because I satisfied my evening craving with chocolate and icecream. Nothing to worry about though fortunately. But I feel happy, so totally calm, at peace and happy. Last night my partner brought up the fact he missed having beer now the days are warming up and the evenings are lighter, and I realised, I don't anymore. Not when I have my evening plan and a few sweet treats I enjoy instead. Evening drinking was my downfall, it was my company and activity when I was bored when kids were in bed, and it spiralled quicker than I can explain, but you all know that. I was soon drinking a bottle of wine every night, and then very soon, wine and beers on top. waking up feeling like crap and dreading getting through the day ahead, and seeing my kids and the shame I felt, or panic incase whilst black out drunk they needed me and I was passed out asleep.
I'm just coming back here to say that although I don't feel the need to be here everyday anymore, today I felt like coming and reading through. Maybe just to realise how far ive come, and where ive been and don't want to be again. To also let people know that we might have a ton of day 1s all over again, but if you truly keep working at it, one day something switches and it sticks. And its not easy and a walk in the park, but it finally begings to feel better and worth it compared to the life you had whilst drinking.Then you really don't understand what it was that kept you drinking in the first place, I haved asked myself many times in the last couple of weeks, why?? Why did I waste so many months and so much money, time and happiness into something so pointless, that made me feel almost subhuman most days.
Keep going. It is worth it! Having CBT is working well for me personally and been as crucial as this site in my sobriety. There is a reason we drink to oblivion, other than just being simple useless addicts. I found once I knew why, I could tackle it head on. Good luck to you all in your journeys, and for everyone that is here and sober today, or here and planning to make tomorrow their day 1....
Not every day is easy, some days I crave red wine...which is odd as it was never my drink of choice, I put a little weight on because I satisfied my evening craving with chocolate and icecream. Nothing to worry about though fortunately. But I feel happy, so totally calm, at peace and happy. Last night my partner brought up the fact he missed having beer now the days are warming up and the evenings are lighter, and I realised, I don't anymore. Not when I have my evening plan and a few sweet treats I enjoy instead. Evening drinking was my downfall, it was my company and activity when I was bored when kids were in bed, and it spiralled quicker than I can explain, but you all know that. I was soon drinking a bottle of wine every night, and then very soon, wine and beers on top. waking up feeling like crap and dreading getting through the day ahead, and seeing my kids and the shame I felt, or panic incase whilst black out drunk they needed me and I was passed out asleep.
I'm just coming back here to say that although I don't feel the need to be here everyday anymore, today I felt like coming and reading through. Maybe just to realise how far ive come, and where ive been and don't want to be again. To also let people know that we might have a ton of day 1s all over again, but if you truly keep working at it, one day something switches and it sticks. And its not easy and a walk in the park, but it finally begings to feel better and worth it compared to the life you had whilst drinking.Then you really don't understand what it was that kept you drinking in the first place, I haved asked myself many times in the last couple of weeks, why?? Why did I waste so many months and so much money, time and happiness into something so pointless, that made me feel almost subhuman most days.
Keep going. It is worth it! Having CBT is working well for me personally and been as crucial as this site in my sobriety. There is a reason we drink to oblivion, other than just being simple useless addicts. I found once I knew why, I could tackle it head on. Good luck to you all in your journeys, and for everyone that is here and sober today, or here and planning to make tomorrow their day 1....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 110
thank you everyone! Its just so much more than I could expect most days, on the bad days I just grit my teeth and get through.
Ive just bought some annual passes for me and my 2 kids for zoos and other attractions, I'm going to make the most of weekends and the holidays with them, after always being too hungover or too over the limit to drive, for the past 2 years. We are going to have such a great summer and be the parent that I always hoped I could be and make some wonderful memories to replace the awful ones. I would never have had the money if I was still drinking to do that, as I used the money I saved from quitting towards them. I really wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for this site, I'm eternally grateful to you all!
oh and another positive.... my social anxiety is beginning to ease up too, so much so I even joined a gym (to balance out the chocolate)!! Its making everyday that little bit easier to tackle, and not needing that drink to cope. Its amazing the snowball effect getting alcohol out my life is having.
Ive just bought some annual passes for me and my 2 kids for zoos and other attractions, I'm going to make the most of weekends and the holidays with them, after always being too hungover or too over the limit to drive, for the past 2 years. We are going to have such a great summer and be the parent that I always hoped I could be and make some wonderful memories to replace the awful ones. I would never have had the money if I was still drinking to do that, as I used the money I saved from quitting towards them. I really wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for this site, I'm eternally grateful to you all!
oh and another positive.... my social anxiety is beginning to ease up too, so much so I even joined a gym (to balance out the chocolate)!! Its making everyday that little bit easier to tackle, and not needing that drink to cope. Its amazing the snowball effect getting alcohol out my life is having.
Keep going, it gets better. 
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