how can some people be so foolish
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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how can some people be so foolish
A couple I know allowed a "friend" back into their lives and even staying overnight on the weekends in their home where their adult daughter also lived and had been staying clean for a few years. This "friend" had been in and out of incarceration for 7 years because of his drug addiction. Their adult daughter had been a recovering addict for a few years and was doing well until the "friend" came back into the picture. I cannot comprehend why a parent would risk their child's soberity by allowing a "friend" into their home when he has problems with alcohol and drugs. The only thing I can think of is the couple like having a drinking buddy around so they allowed him back into their lives instead of putting theie daughter's soberity first. I don't the dynamic of alcohol and drug addiction. There was some obvious codependency going on. It's really sad from what I've seen and heard. Eventually, it all came crashing down with the daughter using drugs again and the "friend" had been arrested again
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
We can't stop an addict from relapsing but bringing someone to the home like that is a bad idea. The daughter living at home should have had a say, or barring that, she should have had the opportunity to go some place safer while the visitor was there.
It's a sad situation but again, we are powerless over the choices of others, however bad those choices may be.
It's a sad situation but again, we are powerless over the choices of others, however bad those choices may be.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
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Originally Posted by SarahBear 
A couple I know allowed a "friend" back into their lives and even staying overnight on the weekends in their home where their adult daughter also lived and had been staying clean for a few years. This "friend" had been in and out of incarceration for 7 years because of his drug addiction. Their adult daughter had been a recovering addict for a few years and was doing well until the "friend" came back into the picture. I cannot comprehend why a parent would risk their child's soberity by allowing a "friend" into their home when he has problems with alcohol and drugs. The only thing I can think of is the couple like having a drinking buddy around so they allowed him back into their lives instead of putting theie daughter's soberity first. I don't the dynamic of alcohol and drug addiction. There was some obvious codependency going on. It's really sad from what I've seen and heard. Eventually, it all came crashing down with the daughter using drugs again and the "friend" had been arrested again
The reason why they're in denial is because they probably know deep down that allowing such a "friend" within a zip code of their home is probably a bad idea given his history. Maybe they felt if they opened up their home, the friend would behave. Maybe they felt their daughter would be OK around such a person. Either way, they didn't allow themselves to know what they know, and when that happens, bad things usually follow. It happens all the time. And it will happen again to someone else...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Either way, they didn't allow themselves to know what they know, and when that happens, bad things usually follow. It happens all the time. And it will happen again to someone else...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
It sounds like this couple had all the making of the perfect dysfunctional storm…..
The couple drinks…
Allowed a known drug addict ex con to come live in their home….
And codependency going on….
Dysfunctional people do not realize they are dysfunctional.
The couple drinks…
Allowed a known drug addict ex con to come live in their home….
And codependency going on….
Dysfunctional people do not realize they are dysfunctional.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 146
Originally Posted by zoso77
How can people be so foolish? Easy: they're in denial.
The reason why they're in denial is because they probably know deep down that allowing such a "friend" within a zip code of their home is probably a bad idea given his history. Maybe they felt if they opened up their home, the friend would behave. Maybe they felt their daughter would be OK around such a person. Either way, they didn't allow themselves to know what they know, and when that happens, bad things usually follow. It happens all the time. And it will happen again to someone else...
The reason why they're in denial is because they probably know deep down that allowing such a "friend" within a zip code of their home is probably a bad idea given his history. Maybe they felt if they opened up their home, the friend would behave. Maybe they felt their daughter would be OK around such a person. Either way, they didn't allow themselves to know what they know, and when that happens, bad things usually follow. It happens all the time. And it will happen again to someone else...
Then they want to play the "victim" when things go haywire.
Originally Posted by atalose
It sounds like this couple had all the making of the perfect dysfunctional storm…..
The couple drinks…
Allowed a known drug addict ex con to come live in their home….
And codependency going on….
Dysfunctional people do not realize they are dysfunctional.
The couple drinks…
Allowed a known drug addict ex con to come live in their home….
And codependency going on….
Dysfunctional people do not realize they are dysfunctional.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I read somewhere alcoholics seem to attract drug addics. Maybe thinking they can "save" them and they can be extremely loyal to them even when it's undeserved.
I don’t know many active alcoholics who would chose to hang out with sober none drinking people on a regular basis.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 146
Originally Posted by atalose
Or maybe they can surround themselves with like-minded people and not feel insecure or uncomfortable or judged.
I don’t know many active alcoholics who would chose to hang out with sober none drinking people on a regular basis.
I don’t know many active alcoholics who would chose to hang out with sober none drinking people on a regular basis.
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Not wise indeed.
Having said that ... I am a recovering addict myself and I would hope those around me would care about me enough to stand with me, but unfortunately that is not always the case and the reality is that it my responsibility to (at all cost) protect my recovery if it is threatened in any way. I need to stand up and speak up for my recovery. No one else can keep me clean except me. If I find myself in a sticky situation it is up to me to get out.
If I relapse I have no one to point the finger at but myself.
We live in a world where addiction exsist... drugs and the people who use them are around every corner ... Fact of life is Recovering addicts must learn have to navigate through life and keep their recovery intact regardless of what others do or don't do.
Passion
Recovering addict
Having said that ... I am a recovering addict myself and I would hope those around me would care about me enough to stand with me, but unfortunately that is not always the case and the reality is that it my responsibility to (at all cost) protect my recovery if it is threatened in any way. I need to stand up and speak up for my recovery. No one else can keep me clean except me. If I find myself in a sticky situation it is up to me to get out.
If I relapse I have no one to point the finger at but myself.
We live in a world where addiction exsist... drugs and the people who use them are around every corner ... Fact of life is Recovering addicts must learn have to navigate through life and keep their recovery intact regardless of what others do or don't do.
Passion
Recovering addict
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