Its All in My Mind
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
Its All in My Mind
So I received the following from STBXAH
"I'm I a alcoholic just because you say so? No because I go to work EVERYDAY just like you do"
"I'm I a alcoholic because you found a FEW empty vodka bottles under the sink? No , so what I didn't throw them away "
"I'm I a alcoholic because I like to have a few cups of vodka every night. No, not everyone is a saint like you"
There is about 6 more( I'm I a alcoholic because ) questions he sent me...
Now is he defending himself or justifying his daily drinking?
"I'm I a alcoholic just because you say so? No because I go to work EVERYDAY just like you do"
"I'm I a alcoholic because you found a FEW empty vodka bottles under the sink? No , so what I didn't throw them away "
"I'm I a alcoholic because I like to have a few cups of vodka every night. No, not everyone is a saint like you"
There is about 6 more( I'm I a alcoholic because ) questions he sent me...
Now is he defending himself or justifying his daily drinking?
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
He is doing both. In his mind, he likely really believes this. Step #1 is ADMITTING, and let's face it, many never get to Step #1.
I got this while I was married and after. That I try to act like a perfect person just so I can make him look bad, he's not an alcoholic (although has admitted it to me, even to a therapist in front of me), he has it under control now because he only drank before because I caused him to do it (even though he still drinks around our children that he is court ordered not to drink around).
The quacks...I mean the list....goes on and on.
Hugs to you to have to endure it, because I know it gets REALLY old!
I got this while I was married and after. That I try to act like a perfect person just so I can make him look bad, he's not an alcoholic (although has admitted it to me, even to a therapist in front of me), he has it under control now because he only drank before because I caused him to do it (even though he still drinks around our children that he is court ordered not to drink around).
The quacks...I mean the list....goes on and on.
Hugs to you to have to endure it, because I know it gets REALLY old!
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Posts: 123
Originally Posted by Maudcat 
Maybe it's me. Yah, it's probably me.
But, in what world is having a few cups of vodka every night considered normal?
Hugs.
But, in what world is having a few cups of vodka every night considered normal?
Hugs.
I felt it was totally NOT normal but STBXAH says I ruined our marriage because I wasn't happy / normal
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am willing to bet that there are a HUGE number of us on this board who have hear the same thing. They blame everyone but...themselves, for their own bad choices. At some point, you have to stop caring what they believe because it's their own toxic thinking, not yours.
Originally Posted by savingmein2017
it must be me too
I felt it was totally NOT normal but STBXAH says I ruined our marriage because I wasn't happy / normal
I felt it was totally NOT normal but STBXAH says I ruined our marriage because I wasn't happy / normal
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Join Date: Dec 2016
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Originally Posted by Kboys
Yeah that's what I was thinking...
Quackity quack quack
Hugs to you savingme!!!
Quackity quack quack
Hugs to you savingme!!!
its enough to drive me mad(crazy) .... I honestly found myself thinking at one point it WAS me
(STBXAH logic is he doesn't hit me ... that's what true alcoholic's do they hit you) someone on the couch every night with a red cup is just relaxing in his home......)
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
Dude, if you have a bunch of empty vodka bottles under the sink, you've got a problem. Normal people don't have that.
And what on earth is a "cup of vodka"? Like a measuring cup? Normal people don't drink a few of those every night!
Anybody who gets so angry and defensive over their drinking habits has a problem, whatever label anyone puts on it. I wouldn't bother responding.
And what on earth is a "cup of vodka"? Like a measuring cup? Normal people don't drink a few of those every night!
Anybody who gets so angry and defensive over their drinking habits has a problem, whatever label anyone puts on it. I wouldn't bother responding.
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Location: uk
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
I am willing to bet that there are a HUGE number of us on this board who have hear the same thing. They blame everyone but...themselves, for their own bad choices. At some point, you have to stop caring what they believe because it's their own toxic thinking, not yours.
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by Westexy
The "A" word certainly is a trigger for them, so I don't use it anymore. Problem solved. ; )
I talk about his severe and destructive drinking problem.
I talk about his severe and destructive drinking problem.
That would have been a good idea for me to use " severe and destructive drinking problem" if were allowed to complete my sentence. The minute I tried to have a civil conversation STBXAH reply is " Bae , Bae I don't feel like talking right now ; I'm stressed" or he yells what he wants to say and slams the room door like a little child.
Those were the options for conversation with him
But he was stressed then what was I chopped liver
through it all I wish< I could say I don't love him < I don't care < I don't worry about him ... because I do
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Here's how it sounds to me:
"So I'm a duck because I have webbed feet? NO, because I might be a swan."
"So I'm a duck because I have a bill? NO, because I might be a platypus."
"So I'm a duck because I can dive? NO, because dolphins dive, too."
"So I'm a duck because I waddle when I walk? NO, because I have a hip condition that bothers me and makes me walk funny."
"So I'm a duck because I have feathers? NO, because plenty of ostriches have feathers, too."
"So I'm a duck because I QUACK? NO, because I might be a... oh, wait. Never mind."
In short, do any ONE of those characteristics make one a duck? No, but when it looks like one, walks like one, acts like one, and QUACKS like one, chances are it's a duck. Or an alcoholic.
"So I'm a duck because I have webbed feet? NO, because I might be a swan."
"So I'm a duck because I have a bill? NO, because I might be a platypus."
"So I'm a duck because I can dive? NO, because dolphins dive, too."
"So I'm a duck because I waddle when I walk? NO, because I have a hip condition that bothers me and makes me walk funny."
"So I'm a duck because I have feathers? NO, because plenty of ostriches have feathers, too."
"So I'm a duck because I QUACK? NO, because I might be a... oh, wait. Never mind."
In short, do any ONE of those characteristics make one a duck? No, but when it looks like one, walks like one, acts like one, and QUACKS like one, chances are it's a duck. Or an alcoholic.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
The "cups of Vodka" remind me of the following recipe: (WARNING:the spell check on your computer will go crazy!!!)
Ingredients:
1 or 2 quarts rum
1 tsp. baking powder (not gun)
4 C flour
1 tsp. favorite essence
1 C butter
1 tsp. baking soda (unflavored)
1 C sugar
lemon juice
2 large eggs
brown sugar
1 C dried fruit & nuts (no bolts)
Directions:
1.Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. Good, isn’t it? Now go ahead.
2.Select a mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc., Check the rum again; it must be just right.
3.To be sure the rum is of the highest quality, pour 1 level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat this step.
4.Then with an electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter into a large fluffy bowl.
5.Slowly add 1 cup thugar and beat well.
6.Meanwhile, make sure the rum is still of the highest quality. Try another cup.
7.Open 2nd qt. if necessary.
8.Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups of our, and 1 cup of fried druit and beat until high.
9.If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
10.Sample the rum again, testing for tonscisticity.
11.Next, sift 3 cups of pepper or salt (it really doesn’t matter). Sample the rum again.
12.Sift 1/2 pt. lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts.
13.Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar or whatever color you can find. Wix mel.
14.Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees.
15.Now pour the whole mess into the oven and ake.
16.Check the rum again and bo to ged.
~ Unknown
(as modified by Auntie)
Ingredients:
1 or 2 quarts rum
1 tsp. baking powder (not gun)
4 C flour
1 tsp. favorite essence
1 C butter
1 tsp. baking soda (unflavored)
1 C sugar
lemon juice
2 large eggs
brown sugar
1 C dried fruit & nuts (no bolts)
Directions:
1.Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. Good, isn’t it? Now go ahead.
2.Select a mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc., Check the rum again; it must be just right.
3.To be sure the rum is of the highest quality, pour 1 level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat this step.
4.Then with an electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter into a large fluffy bowl.
5.Slowly add 1 cup thugar and beat well.
6.Meanwhile, make sure the rum is still of the highest quality. Try another cup.
7.Open 2nd qt. if necessary.
8.Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups of our, and 1 cup of fried druit and beat until high.
9.If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
10.Sample the rum again, testing for tonscisticity.
11.Next, sift 3 cups of pepper or salt (it really doesn’t matter). Sample the rum again.
12.Sift 1/2 pt. lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts.
13.Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar or whatever color you can find. Wix mel.
14.Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees.
15.Now pour the whole mess into the oven and ake.
16.Check the rum again and bo to ged.
~ Unknown
(as modified by Auntie)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 350
I believe that denial is the greatest weapon of the disease. I drink because you make me mad. I drink cause I'm stressed. I drink cause I want to relax.
If I don't fit one small sliver of all possible alcoholics by keeping my job, spouse, lack of duis, drink only a few each day, blah, blah, blah.
The disease is crafty and just plain awesome at blinding the person.
It's like a giant mosquito on their back sucking away.
Wait...I hear something. Bug covers their ears.
Wait...I feel something. Here comes more of the numbing juice.
Wait...I see something. Bug covers their eyes.
Etc.
It's like a giant wall in the way of recovery.
It's not logic. It's the disease.
Like in the usual suspects, "the greatest thing the devil did was to convince the world that he did not exist" -- it is the great feat of the disease of alcoholism. Keeps our loved ones from going to a doctor for help. Talking to other people that have been there to provide good suggestions. Getting support from others and kicking some disease ass.
"hey, you feeling a little stressed about drinking me too much?...ya know...a drink can help with that."
"ummm...OK"
The disease is cunning, baffling, powerful.
Take good care of you.
If I don't fit one small sliver of all possible alcoholics by keeping my job, spouse, lack of duis, drink only a few each day, blah, blah, blah.
The disease is crafty and just plain awesome at blinding the person.
It's like a giant mosquito on their back sucking away.
Wait...I hear something. Bug covers their ears.
Wait...I feel something. Here comes more of the numbing juice.
Wait...I see something. Bug covers their eyes.
Etc.
It's like a giant wall in the way of recovery.
It's not logic. It's the disease.
Like in the usual suspects, "the greatest thing the devil did was to convince the world that he did not exist" -- it is the great feat of the disease of alcoholism. Keeps our loved ones from going to a doctor for help. Talking to other people that have been there to provide good suggestions. Getting support from others and kicking some disease ass.
"hey, you feeling a little stressed about drinking me too much?...ya know...a drink can help with that."
"ummm...OK"
The disease is cunning, baffling, powerful.
Take good care of you.
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