Alcohol Abuse Disorder or Alcoholic
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Alcohol Abuse Disorder or Alcoholic
I honestly had never heard of Alcohol Abuse Disorder. My AH's sister sent me an email saying AH was diagnosed with AAD and not as an alcoholic. She also said that they have been drinking together since he moved in with her, but that he is 'thinking' about getting some help. Well I already knew they would be drinking together. No big surprise to me there! I have to honestly say my heart was broken for about 5 minutes bc in my mind I had that little glimmer of hope that he would possibly have a little remorse and not drink and seek help. Still at the beginning of my journey- but the sadness left and truthfully I feel confident in my decision making him leave.
To me- I know he is an alcoholic. He doesn't have some mild disorder. This diagnosis from his MD seems like AH will be able to use it as an excuse. Like- see- the Dr said I am not an alcoholic. I know he has not told his Dr the whole truth. I looked up the meaning and don't really see the difference between AAD and being an alcoholic. Thoughts?
Other than her emailing me- there has been no contact between AH and myself. He did go eat lunch with the younger kids at school yesterday bc they told me when I picked them up.
To me- I know he is an alcoholic. He doesn't have some mild disorder. This diagnosis from his MD seems like AH will be able to use it as an excuse. Like- see- the Dr said I am not an alcoholic. I know he has not told his Dr the whole truth. I looked up the meaning and don't really see the difference between AAD and being an alcoholic. Thoughts?
Other than her emailing me- there has been no contact between AH and myself. He did go eat lunch with the younger kids at school yesterday bc they told me when I picked them up.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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My ex does the same thing - he has recently announced that he has a "disorder" and he drinks as a coping mechanism for other problems stemming from early life. But he is NOT an alcoholic and does not want to be labelled one.
To me, the label isn't as important as the behavior. He has lost friends, career reputation, marriages, money and health because he keeps drinking. Whether he wants to call this alcoholism, alcohol disorder or three-legged circus freak disorder, he has a big, big problem with drinking.
The unfortunate thing is that if people accept that they are alcoholics, there are lots of resources out there that can help them. But if they won't associate themselves with the term, they won't connect to those resources. To me, it sounds like an excuse to keep drinking and not seek out proper help, because the thought of facing life without alcohol is too frightening.
To me, the label isn't as important as the behavior. He has lost friends, career reputation, marriages, money and health because he keeps drinking. Whether he wants to call this alcoholism, alcohol disorder or three-legged circus freak disorder, he has a big, big problem with drinking.
The unfortunate thing is that if people accept that they are alcoholics, there are lots of resources out there that can help them. But if they won't associate themselves with the term, they won't connect to those resources. To me, it sounds like an excuse to keep drinking and not seek out proper help, because the thought of facing life without alcohol is too frightening.
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The Mayo Clinic describes AAD as a disorder "which includes a level called alcoholism".... so to me this is like tomayto/tamahto situation. Same behaviors, same solutions, same spiral.In other words - they prefer the semantics of the term "Alcohol Abuse Disorder" over the "label" alcoholic.
And if she's his drinking buddy - she's defending her own drinking by identifying it like this.... this way SHE doesn't qualify as an alcoholic either, she's protecting her OWN interests, not his. Definitely not yours.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Our addiction doctor said that the number of people who are actually true alcoholics is much lower than those who fall into less severe categories of alcohol abuse. My husband was not classified as an alcoholic either. I think it does matter in terms of understanding why a person drinks, what treatments will be most beneficial, and can even be an indicator for future problems. I have to admit I found it all interesting to learn about. But the main issue I think to remember is that if drinking is causing problems then a person just needs to get to the bottom of why, and what can be done to correct it. And we as family are affected by the behaviors associated regardless of the diagnosis. If I was to respond it would be in terms of how the behaviors are unacceptable to me regardless of the diagnosis.
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AH was diagnosed with AAD and not as an alcoholic.
I am not going to reply to her email. I am going to continue to put my energy towards healing my own heart and my sweet children.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
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Alcohol use disorder = alcoholism to me. Same difference
If his drinking is a problem for your relationship - it is a problem for your relationship, whether you classify it as alcoholism or heavy drinking or any sort of "disorder".
If his drinking is a problem for your relationship - it is a problem for your relationship, whether you classify it as alcoholism or heavy drinking or any sort of "disorder".
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"Alcoholism" isn't really a recognized medical term. AA's Big Book defines "alcoholism" as a condition that causes the alcoholic to obsess over drinking when not drinking, and to crave more once any is taken in. That's a good, workable definition as far as I'm concerned. The goal of the AA program is to create a "spiritual awakening" (which involves no religion and no hocus-pocus) that is defined as "a change in personality sufficient to recover." It isn't "cured" but as long as that spiritual condition is maintained, the alcoholic gets a "daily reprieve" from the effects of alcoholism.
It works for me, and for tens of thousands of other people. And, in my own experience and observation, most people who recover without the help of AA do so by making similar types of changes in themselves, even if not through a formal 12-Step program.
AA DOES believe there are certain heavy drinkers who are able to stop or moderate on their own if they have sufficient reason to do so. They don't consider those people alcoholics. I know that would have described me at one point. Other people, like my first husband, were alcoholics from virtually the first drink. The only progression was from bad to worse. Mine was much later in life and more gradual, but I wound up in a pretty similar place. I have no desire to experiment with trying to drink again. As far as I'm concerned I've recovered. I can't take that for granted, and I continue to work to maintain my spiritual condition to ensure that I don't.
The point is, there is a medical aspect to this, but medicine doesn't know a whole lot more about how alcoholism works than it did 80 years ago when the Big Book was written. There is research being done, and theories floated, but they're not much closer to getting to the bottom of what makes some people continue to drink even when they are destroying their entire lives and those of the people around them.
But for purposes of friends and family, the most important thing is to understand how powerless WE are over someone else's drinking, and to protect ourselves and our families from the effects of that. Waiting around for an alcoholic to "see the light" when he or she has expressed no interest in recovery is a big waste of OUR lives.
It works for me, and for tens of thousands of other people. And, in my own experience and observation, most people who recover without the help of AA do so by making similar types of changes in themselves, even if not through a formal 12-Step program.
AA DOES believe there are certain heavy drinkers who are able to stop or moderate on their own if they have sufficient reason to do so. They don't consider those people alcoholics. I know that would have described me at one point. Other people, like my first husband, were alcoholics from virtually the first drink. The only progression was from bad to worse. Mine was much later in life and more gradual, but I wound up in a pretty similar place. I have no desire to experiment with trying to drink again. As far as I'm concerned I've recovered. I can't take that for granted, and I continue to work to maintain my spiritual condition to ensure that I don't.
The point is, there is a medical aspect to this, but medicine doesn't know a whole lot more about how alcoholism works than it did 80 years ago when the Big Book was written. There is research being done, and theories floated, but they're not much closer to getting to the bottom of what makes some people continue to drink even when they are destroying their entire lives and those of the people around them.
But for purposes of friends and family, the most important thing is to understand how powerless WE are over someone else's drinking, and to protect ourselves and our families from the effects of that. Waiting around for an alcoholic to "see the light" when he or she has expressed no interest in recovery is a big waste of OUR lives.
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Location: Pa
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I spent so many years trying to give my exah a diagnosis for why he behaved the way that he did. I now ask myself "WHY?" He was/is an abusive ahole who treated me like chit. Was I supposed to wait years and years to see if he might have treated me better, when he made no moves to do anything to better himself, instead I was the one that was blamed. I got tired of giving excuses and listening to excuses. If it quacks, it's a duck.
(((((hugs))))
amy
(((((hugs))))
amy
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
"Alcoholism" isn't really a recognized medical term. AA's Big Book defines "alcoholism" as a condition that causes the alcoholic to obsess over drinking when not drinking, and to crave more once any is taken in. That's a good, workable definition as far as I'm concerned. The goal of the AA program is to create a "spiritual awakening" (which involves no religion and no hocus-pocus) that is defined as "a change in personality sufficient to recover." It isn't "cured" but as long as that spiritual condition is maintained, the alcoholic gets a "daily reprieve" from the effects of alcoholism.
It works for me, and for tens of thousands of other people. And, in my own experience and observation, most people who recover without the help of AA do so by making similar types of changes in themselves, even if not through a formal 12-Step program.
AA DOES believe there are certain heavy drinkers who are able to stop or moderate on their own if they have sufficient reason to do so. They don't consider those people alcoholics. I know that would have described me at one point. Other people, like my first husband, were alcoholics from virtually the first drink. The only progression was from bad to worse. Mine was much later in life and more gradual, but I wound up in a pretty similar place. I have no desire to experiment with trying to drink again. As far as I'm concerned I've recovered. I can't take that for granted, and I continue to work to maintain my spiritual condition to ensure that I don't.
The point is, there is a medical aspect to this, but medicine doesn't know a whole lot more about how alcoholism works than it did 80 years ago when the Big Book was written. There is research being done, and theories floated, but they're not much closer to getting to the bottom of what makes some people continue to drink even when they are destroying their entire lives and those of the people around them.
But for purposes of friends and family, the most important thing is to understand how powerless WE are over someone else's drinking, and to protect ourselves and our families from the effects of that. Waiting around for an alcoholic to "see the light" when he or she has expressed no interest in recovery is a big waste of OUR lives.
It works for me, and for tens of thousands of other people. And, in my own experience and observation, most people who recover without the help of AA do so by making similar types of changes in themselves, even if not through a formal 12-Step program.
AA DOES believe there are certain heavy drinkers who are able to stop or moderate on their own if they have sufficient reason to do so. They don't consider those people alcoholics. I know that would have described me at one point. Other people, like my first husband, were alcoholics from virtually the first drink. The only progression was from bad to worse. Mine was much later in life and more gradual, but I wound up in a pretty similar place. I have no desire to experiment with trying to drink again. As far as I'm concerned I've recovered. I can't take that for granted, and I continue to work to maintain my spiritual condition to ensure that I don't.
The point is, there is a medical aspect to this, but medicine doesn't know a whole lot more about how alcoholism works than it did 80 years ago when the Big Book was written. There is research being done, and theories floated, but they're not much closer to getting to the bottom of what makes some people continue to drink even when they are destroying their entire lives and those of the people around them.
But for purposes of friends and family, the most important thing is to understand how powerless WE are over someone else's drinking, and to protect ourselves and our families from the effects of that. Waiting around for an alcoholic to "see the light" when he or she has expressed no interest in recovery is a big waste of OUR lives.
The doctor used this as an example and said Often people with alcohol abuse disorders dont report a compulsion to drink even though the use of alcohol has had a negative effect. Some are however physically and/or emotionally dependent, and need treatment for these issues.
I think family should be encouraged to learn about alcohol abuse and the different classifications and treatments because for me at least its played a part in my understanding, perception, and has helped me make better educated decisions for myself. When in Alanon the only education that came through to me was that from AA and its focus on the spiritual concept to dealing with addiction. It took working with an actual medical doctor and therapist who specialize in substance abuse to help me get a broader perspective. While I have spent most of my time working on my own issues and healing, the educational parts have been important too, so I would always encourage people to learn more if they have an interest. It didnt interfere with my own self care, mental or emotional health. Quite the opposite.
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Alcohol Abuse Disorder - Alcoholic - Drunk - Abuser. What's in a name? I think she's protecting her own addiction.
Whatever you call it, it makes no difference to what you and the children experienced.
Whatever you call it, it makes no difference to what you and the children experienced.
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As others have echoed, it doesn't really matter at the end of the day what it is called - the only fact that remains is that alcohol and his use of it is destroying you and your relationship to him. Whether he is an addict or has a disorder or just likes to use it whether or not he feels compulsion to do so, is irrelevant. His drinking is impacting you. That's all there really is. And who knows what he told the doctor, and who knows what the doctor's knowledge even is regarding addiction. If it's his general practitioner he went to and said "hey I really like to drink sometimes but I never miss work or anything and I stop whenever I want to", anyone can say "oh ok your not an addict".
Try and continue to bring the focus back to you. I realized myself that it didn't matter why the drinker in my life drank, or what he was labeled. I just knew that his compulsive drinking episodes were impacting me negatively.
Try and continue to bring the focus back to you. I realized myself that it didn't matter why the drinker in my life drank, or what he was labeled. I just knew that his compulsive drinking episodes were impacting me negatively.
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