bronzie

I have over 24 hrs sober now, and I feel great about that. I don't feel like drinking anyway, me and the kiddos have the stomach flu that's been going around. Well my littlest one (almost 3) is off normal routine, waking in the middle of the night wanting to play, didn't take nap yesterday, and I'm getting super irritated. Family out of town, so nobody to help me this week. My body hurts, I have taken Tylenol for the pains and 1/2 a Benadryl for the anxiety. The anger feels physical like I'm gonna die of a heart attack and I don't like yelling at all. Hopefully I can work out tomorrow and that will help, but I will probably have to miss work and stay home with sick kiddo. I love my kids more than anything, but I can only take so much! It's driving me insane and this little stupid dog that I am keeping for my mom, randomly barking out of nowhere at nothing is causing me stress as well. I have ptsd from years of physically and emotionally abusive relationships, and can't deal with sudden loud noises. It makes my heart jumpy and I hate that feeling! I also hate yelling in general, because I know how I feel when my bf yells at me, but his yelling is way worse (he is in jail for a probation violation) right now. He will literally yell for an hour Straight. I know it sounds bad, but I'm glad he got 17 days because it's one less thing I have to deal with. It's more peaceful without him around. Anyways, the point is, I'm irritable, I hate resorting to raising my voice (even for a moment) at my kids because they are just kids, but sometimes it's the only thing that makes them listen to me! I'm reading a book called "Parenting with Love and Logic." I just want to be healthy and be a good Mom to my kids that I love more than anything in the world!
Ok, sorry for the long rant, I just had to get that off my chest! My breathing has slowed down and I feel calmer after writing this. It's 3:30am and my youngest is finally back to bed and it's QUIET in the house. I just said "it's not playtime, it's time to go back to sleep, and turned the light it and turned on the soft nighttime music, also used some calming lavender oil. I'm going to read and do some deep breathing and try to get back to sleep myself. Not feeling much like I can sleep now after being woke up by all the chaos! It takes me a lot to get myself calmed back down once the anxiety and irritability take over my body! Not a panic attack, but close.

Caramel

Wishing you some peaceful rest and sleep now

bronzie

Thank you. I'm laying her breathing and trying to be calm. My stomach is in knots, and I know it's from stress/anxiety. i'll be okay, maybe i'll get some more sleep.

totfit

Sounds about normal at 24 hours sober. It will get better. Working out WILL help if you are feeling up to it. Just hang in there.

biminiblue

It's uncomfortable. Hang on, it gets better and you only have to do this one time.

bronzie

Thank you. I am definitely feeling better this morning. Eating saltines and sipping tea is about all I can do right now. My stomach is upside down, but I don't feel any anger or irritability, I am calm. I have a little one home sick today. We will take a walk for some fresh air later. That should help.

bronzie

Thank you for response.
I have been thru this before, so you would think I wouldn't keep doing this to myself. I have a sick child at home today. My plan is to rest, take it easy, eat bland foods and have fluids for hydrating, and take a walk for fresh air. Maybe some light cleaning if I am feeling okay. I am calm now and got a little rest. I do appreciate the encouraging words.