Blown it got to start all over again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 63
Blown it got to start all over again
So 4 1/2 weeks into separation from AH and no contact( he has tried to contact me as phone-bill shows it) my texts have been only concerning our daughter and him getting his stuff ETC
Last night I posted I am aware he has been telling people hes divorcing me and basically saying he doesn't want the marriage anymore. I text him saying that had been a surprise to learn from someone else. He did not reply. Then today I sent 3 more texts and now I have given my power away again and feel crappy and desperate. I think hes not replying to punish me for my no contact of 4 weeks. Please talk some sense into my crazy head. I was really trying to move on for good but just caved in somehow.
My texts said: (hellishly sad and embarrassing)
so you said you wanted for 4 weeks to sort yourself out. I've left you alone completely so you could commence that process. 4 weeks has now gone, are you any closer to sorting yourself out? (I know hes not)
or is time for me to let go completely?
I waited 10 minutes and got no reply (cringe) I then wrote.
Ok I see its time. I do love you and I did hope you'd choose us, but its your choice and I respect that.
No reply again. I then sent this last text:
I waited for a reply so for my own sanity i'm blocking your number again. I cant get your texts and calls now after this text so know i'm not ignoring you if you do decide to reply at a later time, I'm just piecing my life back together again as Im sure your trying to do. Be happy I hope you make it.
Why on earth did I do this? I think ive lost my mind. Ive now got to start all over again and I feel so weak and broken again.
Why am I doing this? After everything I have read on here and learned and also know deep down. Im gutted at my sad self.How can I start again Please help?
I am going to an Alanon meeting tonight
Last night I posted I am aware he has been telling people hes divorcing me and basically saying he doesn't want the marriage anymore. I text him saying that had been a surprise to learn from someone else. He did not reply. Then today I sent 3 more texts and now I have given my power away again and feel crappy and desperate. I think hes not replying to punish me for my no contact of 4 weeks. Please talk some sense into my crazy head. I was really trying to move on for good but just caved in somehow.
My texts said: (hellishly sad and embarrassing)
so you said you wanted for 4 weeks to sort yourself out. I've left you alone completely so you could commence that process. 4 weeks has now gone, are you any closer to sorting yourself out? (I know hes not)
or is time for me to let go completely?
I waited 10 minutes and got no reply (cringe) I then wrote.
Ok I see its time. I do love you and I did hope you'd choose us, but its your choice and I respect that.
No reply again. I then sent this last text:
I waited for a reply so for my own sanity i'm blocking your number again. I cant get your texts and calls now after this text so know i'm not ignoring you if you do decide to reply at a later time, I'm just piecing my life back together again as Im sure your trying to do. Be happy I hope you make it.
Why on earth did I do this? I think ive lost my mind. Ive now got to start all over again and I feel so weak and broken again.
Why am I doing this? After everything I have read on here and learned and also know deep down. Im gutted at my sad self.How can I start again Please help?
I am going to an Alanon meeting tonight
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
You relapsed. Hey, it happens.
Maybe part of you has been unconsciously believing that if you did all this, it would finally get the reaction you wanted and he would snap to and magically address his problems?
Then...nothing. So you poked him again.
It's completely human, but now you know. Go to a meeting and don't contact him anymore, because you already have your answer, yes?
Maybe part of you has been unconsciously believing that if you did all this, it would finally get the reaction you wanted and he would snap to and magically address his problems?
Then...nothing. So you poked him again.
It's completely human, but now you know. Go to a meeting and don't contact him anymore, because you already have your answer, yes?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 14
Please dont beat yourself up over this! At the end of the day,it was 3 text messages,so what?! No one died honey.
We all have days where we wanna say things,sometimes anything. Sometimes we do and sometimes we dont,it doesnt make you weak and it certainly does not make you broken.
i also broke no contact last night before blocking messages,lost my sh!t and told him to eff off. Was mad at myself for about a nanosecond and then thought,nope,not doing this
Dust yourself off and start again,you got this girl!
We all have days where we wanna say things,sometimes anything. Sometimes we do and sometimes we dont,it doesnt make you weak and it certainly does not make you broken.
i also broke no contact last night before blocking messages,lost my sh!t and told him to eff off. Was mad at myself for about a nanosecond and then thought,nope,not doing this
Dust yourself off and start again,you got this girl!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 75
Suzy...Don't be so hard on yourself. It happens.
I found myself talking/texting/messaging at times that I had promised myself that I would stay no contact with my AH. And I, too, would be disappointed in my weak moments. I found it most difficult to remain no contact while still sharing a home with him.
Since I left on the 13th and put 7 hours of driving between us, I have been ok. There have been a few necessary texts pass between us (finances, mostly). Then I decided to go to email only. I let him know my decision and then blocked him on my phone. He emailed the other night. I felt a slight weakness about responding, came here for support, have it 24 hours, and stayed no contact.
Anyway, my point is that I did the same things as you at one point. It wasn't just the distance that changed my behaviour. At some point, something inside me just had enough. Of him, of the situation. I wanted my life back. I wanted a happy future for the kids and I.
So I let go. And everything started working better. My kids and I relaxed for the first time in years. Finances started running smoothly. I'm happy and looking forward to life rather than dreading it. It's amazing. I care about AH but I knew he was dragging us down and it would only get worse.
Anyway, hugs and best wishes. Be kind to yourself. This is a process. And nothing about it is easy. But you can do it. I have faith in you, Suzy. ❤
I found myself talking/texting/messaging at times that I had promised myself that I would stay no contact with my AH. And I, too, would be disappointed in my weak moments. I found it most difficult to remain no contact while still sharing a home with him.
Since I left on the 13th and put 7 hours of driving between us, I have been ok. There have been a few necessary texts pass between us (finances, mostly). Then I decided to go to email only. I let him know my decision and then blocked him on my phone. He emailed the other night. I felt a slight weakness about responding, came here for support, have it 24 hours, and stayed no contact.
Anyway, my point is that I did the same things as you at one point. It wasn't just the distance that changed my behaviour. At some point, something inside me just had enough. Of him, of the situation. I wanted my life back. I wanted a happy future for the kids and I.
So I let go. And everything started working better. My kids and I relaxed for the first time in years. Finances started running smoothly. I'm happy and looking forward to life rather than dreading it. It's amazing. I care about AH but I knew he was dragging us down and it would only get worse.
Anyway, hugs and best wishes. Be kind to yourself. This is a process. And nothing about it is easy. But you can do it. I have faith in you, Suzy. ❤
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
suzy.....as a practical tool....and, one that I leaned o n heavily.....is the one that is oft recommended....
Make a list of the top and most compelling reasons for the separation, in the first place....
Carry it with you at all times, and read it when you start to feel weak in the knees. You may have to read it every hour, sometimes, !
I did that....and it helped pull me back from the ledge....
Make a list of the top and most compelling reasons for the separation, in the first place....
Carry it with you at all times, and read it when you start to feel weak in the knees. You may have to read it every hour, sometimes, !
I did that....and it helped pull me back from the ledge....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
Blocking his number is the right thing to do. Focus on that - you took some action that will move you forward in breaking the ties with an unhealthy and destructive person - and try to let go of the three texts that you sent. You have some mixed feelings about coming to the end of the road with this person, and that's completely understandable (and human). Just keep reminding yourself that you have chosen not to have contact with him for very good reasons.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
you are just barely ONE MONTH out of the marriage. and while you strive to be healed and have had some incredible insights, you are still in VERY early "recovery" from everything.
you tried to go from the bunny slopes to the double black diamond without finishing the beginner's class. and the moguls got you. THEY won't change, but YOU will. you will gain strength and skill, and slowly progress.
you tried to go from the bunny slopes to the double black diamond without finishing the beginner's class. and the moguls got you. THEY won't change, but YOU will. you will gain strength and skill, and slowly progress.
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