tinkerbell29

My fiancé has been to his GP about his alcoholism and they recommended a medically supervised detox. Since then he has avoided making the appointment - comes up with every excuse under the sun!

I still find the hidden bottles everywhere but he is stealing from me and the amount he has been taking doesn't only cover the amount he drinks. He used to be very into drugs a long time ago when we were teenagers but I assumed that wasn't an issue these days. I really can't account for the amount of money he has been spending though and he is still so ridiculously secretive and has hiding places all over.

I am concerned that drugs are an issue but don't have enough to go on to accuse him. I have found a piece of paper today with folds in - just like powdered drugs come in. I keep finding bobby pins (not bent out of shape, just ordinary pins) sometimes they have brown residue in the hook part. He was stashing a screwdriver for a while aswell but don't know what that would have to do with anything.

I know most of the weed paraphernalia and I am sure it isn't that. If anything, it is something harder - he used to be partial to cocaine and heroin. No foil around at all though but truth be told I don't know enough about all this to know what to look out for. We have a baby due in a matter of weeks and I am supposed to be going back to work full time while he stays home with the baby the alcoholism was supposed to be sorted before then but if drugs are involved then I just don't know what to do

hopeful4

This sounds very suspicious. Please don't let your baby stay with an alcoholic and possible drug addict. The thing about kids is that once they are born, it's your responsibility to do whatever it takes to make them safe.

I don't say this unkindly as I know it's so hard.

Hugs to you.

I am sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

atalose

Stealing from you isn’t enough?

Meth, heroin or cocaine, probably by snorting is my best guess.

MicroMacro

You clearly can't leave your newborn with an active alcoholic / addict. That would be negligent.

I suggest that you offer him an ultimatum. Give him about 4 hours (anything longer is BS) to either admit himself into detox or you move out. I will add here that when we need detox - we need treatment too. So - that's some food for thought for you.

It's okay for you to acknowledge this for the emergency it is. Down playing it or acting as though it's something you "just have to work through" is horse poop.

You have to crack the whip. He's not going to do it and nothing is going to change unless you put your foot down and keep it there. I take that back - things will change from bad to unbelievably worse. I'm guessing this isn't the situation you always hoped to find yourself in, but you're in it and now it's up to you to change it. This is an opportunity for you to do something massive. Take it and run with it.

AnvilheadII

alcoholism isn't something that is "sorted" in a few weeks or months. it's not a once and done type of illness......it is a chronic disease that will NEVER be cured. at best it is put into remission.

but the alcoholic has to work hard to make that happen. detox is only the beginning, a few days, then there is the rest of his life.

trust your spidey senses - if you suspect he's using, due to his actions - being secretive, lying, spending large sums of unaccounted for $$ - then HE IS.

none of this is good FIANCE material.
and none of it is good FATHER material.
do NOT let an addict in active addiction be in charge of your child, not for five minutes. even if your AF started sobriety TODAY, he's in for a long haul, and not really suited to watching a small infant all day.

zoso77

tinkerbell...

Welcome to the Board. I'm sorry for all of this. This is supposed to be a time of joy with a baby on the way, and sadly, this time of joy has turned into a time of stress and worry.

Alcoholism on its own is pretty horrible. Even if you didn't suspect him of doing anything else, the fact that he's dragging his feet about going into treatment should tell you something. Giving up any kind of addiction is brutally difficult, and most people when faced with that simply don't want to do it because it is so difficult.

So, what to do? What do your gut and eyes tell you? Answer that question, and the hard part is done. The rest is simply paying attention to what Hopeful, Anvil and the others have shared. Keep us posted...

tinkerbell29

In my defence we started down the path of recovery about seven months ago so I thought he would be well enough to strut at with the baby when I went back to work which won't be for another 6 months or so. It is only because he has put it off for so long that nothing has been done. That sets alarm bells ringing for me right away on its own. He wasn't working before so I was having to fund his addiction (the gp said I should because he can't stop without medical supervision at this point) while I have been on maternity leave he has been doing a bit of work on and off and now is saying that he doesn't need detox because he doesn't drink when he works (I think now that it is more that he has his own money and so he can hide it better)

I will have to figure out how to put pics on because I saw something else suspicious this morning. He was up for about and hour and a half before me and there were around seven ish roll ups (he always smokes roll ups) on the side. He used a plate with absorbent paper towels on for chips last night and had put the butts on there. Three of them had stained a yellowish brown colour and where the end was resting on one of them, the paper towel had started to change colour too.

His tobacco always smells really really old too but I know he gets fresh baccy from his dad regularly. He gets a bit annoyed when I throw his butts away too but can't complain too much or it looks too suspicious. He leaves them EVERYWHERE it is really gross and I am constantly moaning about it, but he says it's because he might not have enough money to get more tobacco so he will need the butts so he can smoke them if he gets desperate.

I also remembered that I am always finding cheap toothpaste tubes all over - usually under his pillow. Looks like he is just squirting the toothpaste directly into his mouth. When he disappears off to the bedroom or bathroom on his own for a couple of hours at a time he always comes back chewing gum and wherever he has been absolutely reeks of deodorant

Ariesagain

Something is going on. No one spends hours in the bathroom and then tries to hide the evidence...what is he supposedly doing, taking a nap in there?

At the barest of bare minimums, second hand smoke is bad for you and the baby.
Being a boozer myself, I don't know much about drugs but I wonder about something they call spice? He could be mixing it in with his tobacco...

Regardless, it doesn't really matter the substance...this is not someone you can leave an infant with. Hopefully you can find an alternative quickly?

Sending you strength and a hug...

hopeful4

Your gut says this is wrong, and it is.

Trust yourself.

atalose

So what if you had concrete hard evidence that he is drinking and drugging again, then what?