Melissa1217

I can't do this. I appreciate you folks here and everything you do to help, but at the end of the day I'm alone with a head full of bad memories.

Oddly, they're not from drinking.

I had a bad childhood. I survived. I had and have no one here for me. I buried my mom, my sister on 9/11...

I made it 17 days. I don't want to suffer anymore. No one is here to support me.

I had six. I just want some peace. God's going g to have to help me because I'm tired of everything being a struggle.

MsCooterBrown

God bless you...and peace to you.

Some people have horrible things that happen in their lives. And they manage without drinking. Then...there is US and the way we cope is drinking. I don't know and never will know what determines this. I do know...no matter what. I like sober better than drunk. But the struggle is real. All of the bad stuff that happens gets shoved down deep inside by the bottle. Just beware...not a safe place to be. Please try whatever works no matter how many times it takes.

I like posting and reading here. Sometimes I cry reading what people have been thru...but I never log off without learning something. Glad you are here.

biminiblue

We are here. AA is there, inpatient rehab is there, counselors, therapists, clergy. The world is full of people who want to help you heal. Ask for help before you drink.

I had a lot of self-pity too. Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink.

I have no family, either, and that fueled my drinking. My childhood was full of bad things, too. Nothing is made better by drinking at it (at them.) The only way out is to quit drinking and then work at finding your joy again. It's so much better on the sober side.

There is healing for you but you have to grab it. No one can do it for you.

God will help, but again - it's up to you. He gave us free will.

HopeandFaith1

Hi Melissa, I am sorry to read so much pain in your post. I can assure you that the struggle becomes infinitely easier when you accept the fact that you just cannot drink anymore. Like you I had a lot of trauma in my life and used that, in part, as an excuse to keep drinking. I did that for over 20 years so I can certainly understand how you feel. Looking back I wish I would have quit a lot sooner than I did, because it would have made bad situations so much less painful if I had.

I think by virtue of the fact that you are posting here, you must want to change. If it helps at all, I spent many, many years praying for relief from this affliction and just when I was about to give up, I found assistance from up above, and here on earth too. It makes me sad that you sound so alone, do you have friends or any kind of support at all? You should try going to meetings of a recovery group of your choosing, if for no other reason than to have a sense of belonging with people who understand you. SR is also a great resource and you'll find lots of support here. Please keep posting.

Anna

Melissa, I'm sorry you are feeling so low. I hope you find some peace in your life.

You are not alone. We at SR are a family. Many of us have stepped away from our families of origin, and many of us have found understand and caring people here. Fight for yourself, Melissa.

tomsteve

just my opinion,melissa, but I think God has already been helping you- he brought you here. he brought you to a place where people had been in your shoes and have given some great suggestions.
God helps us, but we also have to help ourselves.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

God gave me courage to face what I had to face to get sober.
F.E.A.R.=
****
Everything
And
Run

or

Face
Everything
And
Recover

Melissa, I find it hard to believe there is no one to support you near you.
could it be its just that not the support you want is around you?

Melissa1217

Thank you everyone and I wish you all much happiness.

I am done with this life. No more misery.

doggonecarl

If drinking worked, you wouldn't have found your way here. You would have kept on drinking. But you did come here. To get sober. Seventeen days in is too early to see massive improvement, and too early to quit.

I can understand your suffering, but the healing from it can only begin if you aren't drinking. Hope you reconsider.

bluedog97

Hope you find some peace and can quit drinking Melissa. One thing I've realized the last 33 days I've been sober is we drink to feel better, but alcohol makes everything worse. Especially our problems.

Don't give up. We're pulling for you.

saoutchik

I'm really sorry you are feeling so down Melissa, may I suggest that you phone the Samaritans as you are in a bad place. It sounds like you need someone to talk to.

17 days is something to be very proud of.

SueDenim

17 days is an achievement - well done .

Dee74

I hope you'll check in and tell us how you're doing Melissa, or at least read through this link and maybe speak to someone on a crisis line?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

D

hope0603

We are all here for u Melissa

PhoenixJ

Mel- memories cannot harm us- now. What we do with those memories now can. Stay safe, do not drink.. If you are feeling really bad- go to an ER, see your doc, post here, go to a meeting. Make an effort to live life- now, not to be trapped in a horrible past.
My support to you . PJ

Dee74

How are you Melissa?

D

BrendaChenowyth

She has another active thread, posted after this one.