Tryingin2016

It's been 3 months since I asked AH to move out. He's been going to meetings. A lot of meetings. I know he is still drinking but I don't know if it's every day or it was just a short relapse. My original plan was to immediately file for divorce but I didn't. I'm not sure I want a divorce. But I do know for sure I don't want him back in my house now. There is a peaceful feeling in the house with him gone. The stress immediately left with him. I took advice from here & I am not checking up on him nor helping him get his life in order. I only know he was drinking because I had to call him about something with the kids & I heard it in his voice. We actually get along better than we have in years. Probably because I don't really have to deal with his drinking anymore. We are very cordial & speak kindly to each other. We see each other a couple times a week for kids events or family get togethers. He's been sober each time.

AH is staying with a relative now but plans on buying his own home. He is still working & he is being very generous with giving me money so I can stay in this house with the kids. I'm planning on selling this house sometime in the near future. Maybe we will end up back together in a year or so. I don't know.

Anyway, you would think everything is going great but it's not. I can't quite figure it out. But I think I'm just lonely & bored. I need to find new friends (I kinda lost most of my friends over the years),I need a hobby, I need something. I never realized how much time & energy I spent dealing with AH. With not just his alcoholism but trying to "fix" his life. We have been together for over 30 years & now I feel like I have no purpose in life. I don't like my job anymore, I don't like my neighborhood, I don't like my house. But I feel that moving really isn't the answer. There's just a void somewhere. Am I looking for companionship? I think that is it. I'm not sure.

I'm trying to apply just baby steps on getting myself more social, more active. It seems to help a little.

I'm also enjoying time alone. I try to do something every week alone that I would never have done before. I'm telling myself that it's ok to be alone for some things.

I'll post more updates soon.

LexieCat

For only three months out, sounds to me like you're doing GREAT. It takes time to get used to being on your own, but you're on the right track with making new friends and rekindling old interests or finding new ones. When I left my last relationship, I realized I had no idea who *I* was anymore. I didn't know what I liked. I just started doing stuff. Some of it I loved and I'm still involved with. Others, meh, no fun, dropped them. It takes time, but that's something you've got plenty of.

Don't be in too big a hurry to get back with him. When he's been REALLY sober, for a good long time, then maybe you can revisit it. As it is, he's still drinking. Don't be thinking about "maybe in a year" until you've detected ZERO drinking for a good, long time.

And hey, there are worse things than a cordial divorce. It doesn't mean you couldn't someday reconcile, but it does free you from hanging on, wondering whether he will finally "get it."

Maudcat

Hi, Trying. Good to hear from you.
We don't realize how much time and energy the alcoholics in our lives take from us until...
We don't have to do it anymore.
This thought comes up frequently here, from both sides of the aisle. Drinkers, now non-drinkers, question how to fill the time formerly spent drinking, and loved ones wonder what to do now that they are not spending so much time working around the alcoholic.
Three months isn't very long. You are still finding your way. Also, now that you are not in the midst of alcoholic-fueled chaos, you can turn your attention to other things, like your job, your house, your neighborhood. Maybe you like what you see, maybe you don't. Change what you don't like. You have that option now. Peace.

LynCM

I'm sure this must sound like a broken record here in SR, but have you thought about Al-Anon groups/meetings? I'm new in my own recovery (my RAH is 2 months sober), but in the three meetings I've been to, I've started to reach out and make friends, ask other members out for coffee, and I'm starting my search for a sponsor. Being able to have a network of acquaintances that may turn into friends that can UNDERSTAND and share in your struggles is SUCH a powerful thing!

hopeful4

I am just going to throw this out here. Don't expect him to just keep being so generous with the funds. I hope you are hoping for the best and yet preparing for the worst.

It breaks my heart when I see people who think their X will continue to support them financially then they are left shell shocked and unable to live because they are unprepared.

Just throwing that out there.

Now is a perfect time for you to try out doing some things for YOU. Reconnect with old friends, meet new friends, try new things. It seems you are in a slump and only one person can get you out, you.

Hugs.