brightlight

Friday he stayed out till midnight and by the bank records he spent $30. Pitchers of beer cost around $3. I think he was paying back his buddies. Then Sat. he was very sorry Then Sun. he took the credit card and not sure what spent, but was out till 3. Monday very sorry. Went to AA and I asked how it went. He said he does not understand everything. They kept reading out of a book. They would stand up and say I am an alcoholic, but then when they talked again they would say it again. He said I guess that is okay, but do not see the point in saying it over and over. Most of them were sent there because of DUI's. He says it was okay and he is going to maybe one more meeting. He had called a couple of preachers yesterday and one called back and he has an appointment to see one in the morning. Now all of a sudden he is in a big hurry to go see this town I want to move to. I have about given up on moving there, but now he wants to go. He does not want to buy a house in this town and this town is growing, so I found this town and think we could move there and make a new start, but he has not been to interested till now. I had told him I would never move from here and he would have to keep his job to afford a house here. Very expensive here. He knows he has to quit drinkiing before I will move. I told him he has to quit drinking for at least six months before I would do it. I do not think he has a drinking problem. I think he has a socializing problem. If I bought tons of alcohol and had it in the house, he would walk right by it and say he is going across the street. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT! He does not want to drink with me? Around the kids? He wants to drink with his friends?

smoke gets in my eyes

My Dad did all his drinking in pubs. There was never any alcohol in our home. I think he liked hanging out with the guys and I also think deep down he knew it was a lousy example to set. (As if we didn't know. )

Have you guys tried marriage counseling?

Hugs,
Smoke

daycareorg

My husband used to say.. you can't hang out with the guys if you don't drink with them.. So they would go to the bar.. get drunk and come home. Over the years, he has accepted the fact he is an alcoholic and tries to hide the drinking from everyone.. Only drinks alone.

He has started to go to AA also, but doesn't like it. He doesn't go as much as I think he should, but he does go 2 times a week. I think they repeat what the addiction is over and over to get over the shame and embarrassment they feel for admitting it. Once the true is out there, you can deal with it. If you are always keeping the skeleton in the closet no one knows.. Or at least that is what they think..

When my husband was in rehab earlier this year, the counselors used to say, you can run, hide the alcohol, pick up and move, but that isn't going to change the fact that the person is an alcoholic..

Good luck and try and do what you need to do for yourself.. I know it is hard. Some days easier than others.. but your own happiness and your kids happiness is the ultimate goal..

brightlight

Today he told me is not like those other guys there. They are a bunch of loosers and he almost laughted at them. My brother thinks he goes the bar because he thinks he is better than them. It is a little hole in the wall place and these guys do not have much money. My husband has a good job and then this truck he has makes him feel good. One day I asked him what he talked about over there and he said his job. I think he drove me nuts with talkng about that job and had to find somebody else to drive nuts. Now I wish I never complained. It was 24 hours a day. He will say thinks like we have to buy a new freezer or we have to pay for the repairs on this and that. I got mad and said we do not have to pay anything - THEY DO. You do not own the place and you get a paycheck. He actually was drunk one night when they had some event going on there and he saw a man urinating on the fence. My husband had a fit and told this guy he was p***ing on his grass and to get out. The guy said this is not your grass you are just an employee here. You are not wearing a suit and this is not your grass. My husband had a fit saying it was and got the security people to get the guy out. He is proud of where he works, but our house and yard are falling apart.

JT

Ward used to do that kind of stuff when he was younger and now he drinks at home. Not one word I ever said made him do that..he just got older. And he never quit drinking.

JT

best

Doesn't have a drinking problem?
If his drinking is causing problems it is a drinking problem.
The saying I am an alcoholic over and over... Admitting to self who I am. reinforcing to self who I am. Saying it in public to others to prove to self that I know who I am. Accepting who I am and that I can't drink.
Alcohol does not seek out any one class of people. You can be Donald trump or a homeless person... if alcohol is a problem, where you live or how much money you have doesn't matter. His comment of "them" being a looser. Denial. Lack of acceptance of where he could end up if not already there. The same person he would call a looser just may be the same person he sits beside in the bar. Denial on his part.
Quack Quack Quack seem to be his words as you tell them.
Denial of the problem on his part and he is trying to set your thoughts to the same. Detatch and let go. he needs fix his own issues.
Work the steps for yourself. Take care of self. He needs to work things out for himself. You can't fix his problem, only he can.