BeanieBaby

I am officially 90 days sober and very happy I've put in the work to make this milestone. Has anyone experienced a real mood swing around this time? I was feeling particularly good for several weeks (looking forward to meetings, sharing, praying, meeting with my sponsor) and although I'm still doing those things, I've noticed thoughts of resentment and depression seeping back in.

For example, I'm wresting with the decision to hire a person to replace my former business partner. Certainly not at a partnership level - just an employee because I know I'll need help eventually. But I was so burnt by my ex-partner, I'm just not sure I have it in me to take on the stress and risk of another hire. I guess I've lost some measure of trust in people, except my AA group.

Yesterday was a tough Valentine's Day - my marriage is very lukewarm. Not awful but with all of the stress I've put him through, I know i have amends to make, although I've never been very happy in the relationship. Even typing this, I know I'm not staying grateful enough for the things I have and need to get out of this negative mind set. Any suggestions would be very helpful - I don't want to relapse!

OpioPhobe

I experienced dramatic mood swings around that time. In fact, the first 3 months were one hell of a roller coaster. It would be terrifying how much my moods would swing over the course of a day for no apparent reason. That lasted for a while, but the swings wouldn't be as dramatic. Also, the depression / resentment periods would get shorter and shorter over time.

AlaskaGirl

I read that addicts who are sober follow a fairly consistent pattern where endorphins drop dramatically making us feel cranky and out of sorts, then rebound at higher than normal levels shortly after. What I read said this happens around 30 days, 60, 90, six months, nine months and a year. I thought it was interesting that these times correlate with when people in twelve step programs get coins. The good news is the longer you are sober the longer periods you have between these flare ups.

That was a long winded way of saying... Awesome job on 90 days! Keep your head up and know you will be rewarded with a natural endorphin rush in a few days.

Lisas79

I remember this happening to me around the same time, I did everything I was supposed to do. I finally got down on my knees and prayed. It took a few days but I felt better and every time I get through it I get stronger. Hope it gets better soon.

D122y

Bb,

90 days is amazing!

It is a big deal. Your body and mind are very clean.

Now it is about getting used to normal.

I still have bouts of depression etc, but it goes away and m I feel great again.

I have activities that keep me appreciative of my sobriety...e.g. exercise and going shopping during times when I used to be drunk.

These activities make me feel alive and thankful I am clean.

We are not designed to be drunks. It is a learned behavior.

Thanks.

Dee74

Congrats on 90 days BB - I hope the way will get a little easier for you from here

D

MLD51

I experienced the same thing at about 90 days. Things were going well, I was happy being sober, I was feeling better about a lot of things. And then I was hit with some real sadness and remorse. I think part of it was physiological, but it was also about the same time I was really digging into step 4 and 5 (AA). Digging up lots of stuff from the past. I had to really lean on my sober support network to get through that. I had to pray a lot and just get through it. It got better. And it continues to get better. Now, when I have a blast of sadness or depression, it takes less time for it to lift. Sometimes it only lasts a day or two. Far cry from when I was drinking and I was depressed ALL THE TIME. So I just sit with the feelings, pray, and realize that THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

I hope you start feeling better soon. Hang in there.

growpath

90 days seems to be where I ALWAYS fall off. I'm glad you posted this because I can relate so much! The only advice I can give you is to hang in there and just keep remembering why you are getting sober. The saying "don't quit right before the miracle happens" comes to mind. You already know what is on the other side and we both know we don't want to go back there. So why not keep fighting the good fight and see what's on the other side with sobriety. You did 90 days and that is awesome. Hang in there. You can do it. Thanks for this post as I am at 37 days and already thinking about that 90 day mark where I always let myself go. Let's do this together and come out stronger on the other end remember it's all up to us if we choose to pick up or not. Plus another important thing to remember the last time I gave in around 90 days it took me a couple years to get back to 30 days! That should be enough to make us stick to our plan. Sending hugs and love. I know you can do this and so can I

PurpleKnight

Day 90 is fantastic BeanieBaby!!