hurtin, please make it stop
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((((daisy))))))
You are at a place I was at once. I chased my H down and got him back in my life. I wonder how it would have been had I just let him go. The pain was so intense.
I believe that this relationship that your Husband is in with ow will be very simular to the one you had with him. I encourage you to do everything you can to detach,let go....move forward.....
I could have let my H go and I wish I had because he is still strung out on crack and nothing has changed. I am so stuck and miserable. My pride was on my sleeve and I am paying a big price. I wish I had the courage to get him out of my life and I hope you have the courage to move forward
You are at a place I was at once. I chased my H down and got him back in my life. I wonder how it would have been had I just let him go. The pain was so intense.
I believe that this relationship that your Husband is in with ow will be very simular to the one you had with him. I encourage you to do everything you can to detach,let go....move forward.....
I could have let my H go and I wish I had because he is still strung out on crack and nothing has changed. I am so stuck and miserable. My pride was on my sleeve and I am paying a big price. I wish I had the courage to get him out of my life and I hope you have the courage to move forward
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Imagine for a moment, that your counselor was right. What if you are your his addiction? Or look at it from the opposite direction, what if he is your addiction?
In my opinion, there is no healthy addictions. Whether it be the "high" you get from a drug or the "high" you get from another person.
Yes, It's normal to experience those feelings with someone - but not when it comes obsessive and becomes an unhealthy addiction.
I'm not sure that dating other people would be in your best interest as I think you may find that you are trying to replace those feelings.
Do you get what I'm saying? We cannot replace an addiction with something else. It's just not healthy for our recovery.
Focus on you. Join a gym or a club of some kind. Pick up some hobbies. Make some new friends, etc. Fill your life with things that make you happy and accomplish things that will make you feel good about you.
Recovery is a process. It won't happen overnight. But in order to recovery, we have to be willing to move forward - even when we don't always really want too.
In my opinion, there is no healthy addictions. Whether it be the "high" you get from a drug or the "high" you get from another person.
Yes, It's normal to experience those feelings with someone - but not when it comes obsessive and becomes an unhealthy addiction.
I'm not sure that dating other people would be in your best interest as I think you may find that you are trying to replace those feelings.
Do you get what I'm saying? We cannot replace an addiction with something else. It's just not healthy for our recovery.
Focus on you. Join a gym or a club of some kind. Pick up some hobbies. Make some new friends, etc. Fill your life with things that make you happy and accomplish things that will make you feel good about you.
Recovery is a process. It won't happen overnight. But in order to recovery, we have to be willing to move forward - even when we don't always really want too.
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Hi Daisy,
Looks like he's moved on. You're doing so very well with your program. I'm so proud of you to have gone through your addictions and get back up on your feet. You can't let anyone destroy that peace and serenity you've gotten from working your program.
Seeing other people might help you to forget him; or at least to put him in the background. You've got to look out for yourself. You're the best and you're #1 in your life. Be good to yourself. Love yourself.
Grace and Blessings, Kathy
Looks like he's moved on. You're doing so very well with your program. I'm so proud of you to have gone through your addictions and get back up on your feet. You can't let anyone destroy that peace and serenity you've gotten from working your program.
Seeing other people might help you to forget him; or at least to put him in the background. You've got to look out for yourself. You're the best and you're #1 in your life. Be good to yourself. Love yourself.
Grace and Blessings, Kathy
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Hi Daisy,
I can hear how much anguish this relationship is bringing you. Someone told me today that love isn't supposed to be this hard or this painful. Love should just happen. Love should lift us up, not bring us down.
I agree that you are addicted to him and your best bet is to keep him out of your life. Counseling might be good for you as well and you should hold off on any new relationships for a while. He will be back, so you need to find a way to protect yourself from him when he does come back. Change your number, move, or go to different places so you don't run into him and the ow. Try to focus your life on getting him out of it. He's not good for you or your recovery.
The pain will eventually go away. You will get through this.
Take care of you,
JG
I can hear how much anguish this relationship is bringing you. Someone told me today that love isn't supposed to be this hard or this painful. Love should just happen. Love should lift us up, not bring us down.
I agree that you are addicted to him and your best bet is to keep him out of your life. Counseling might be good for you as well and you should hold off on any new relationships for a while. He will be back, so you need to find a way to protect yourself from him when he does come back. Change your number, move, or go to different places so you don't run into him and the ow. Try to focus your life on getting him out of it. He's not good for you or your recovery.
The pain will eventually go away. You will get through this.
Take care of you,
JG
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Daisy
It sounds like you are working a good program and getting your life back. Meeting new friends can be tricky for me, sometimes. I am codependent and the mother of an addict, and so much of my life has revolved around that I find that I do not have a lot in common with many people, and those who haven't been where I am just wouldn't get it if I explained for a week.
But there are lots of ways to find people you CAN relate to. At meetings, you may meet friends who would like to go to dinner or a movie or just get together somewhere sociable. If you have any special interests or hobbies or would like to take something up, you may meet people there that share your interest. I volunteer at a Womens Home, and have made friends there who also volunteer, have some understanding of addiction and codependency and who like to do things that I also like to do, so the friendship can extend beyond where we volunteer.
People who have never been where we are, sometimes have trouble making friends too, because not everyone has interests in common. But just getting out, taking a course, joining an interest group, volunteeering...all can lead to friendships with people who share common interests.
The important thing is to fill the hole in your life with good people and good fun. It beats the hell out of sitting home and obsessing about our problems.
Hugs
Ann
It sounds like you are working a good program and getting your life back. Meeting new friends can be tricky for me, sometimes. I am codependent and the mother of an addict, and so much of my life has revolved around that I find that I do not have a lot in common with many people, and those who haven't been where I am just wouldn't get it if I explained for a week.
But there are lots of ways to find people you CAN relate to. At meetings, you may meet friends who would like to go to dinner or a movie or just get together somewhere sociable. If you have any special interests or hobbies or would like to take something up, you may meet people there that share your interest. I volunteer at a Womens Home, and have made friends there who also volunteer, have some understanding of addiction and codependency and who like to do things that I also like to do, so the friendship can extend beyond where we volunteer.
People who have never been where we are, sometimes have trouble making friends too, because not everyone has interests in common. But just getting out, taking a course, joining an interest group, volunteeering...all can lead to friendships with people who share common interests.
The important thing is to fill the hole in your life with good people and good fun. It beats the hell out of sitting home and obsessing about our problems.
Hugs
Ann
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