same behavior
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same behavior
I am new to this site.....although not new to this disease.My mother is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict.She just recently celebrated six years clean.I am very proud of her.I feel guilty because I feel some resentment toward her.I mean she's clean and her life is going well for her, but here I am feeling all these awful feelings.I know that I am wrong.I should be able to pick back up with my life.But I can't.I don't know why.Half of the time I feel tired of life and the other half I don't know what I feel..only that I don't like the feelings I have.
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April
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April
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi April!
Welcome to the forum. Have you thought about going to an alanon group? That could help you sort out your feelings some. I know it's hard to let go of the resentments an addict has created in your mind. It doesn't seem quite fair that they get to recover and we're supposed to just get over all the rotten things they did. But, we need to find a way to do that. Our anger doesn't punish them for us. It punishes us.
If you need to get things off your chest, this is the place. Rant, grumble, kvetch and just basically unload all you want to! It's good to communicate with people who have been just where you are.
Keep posting!
Smoke
Welcome to the forum. Have you thought about going to an alanon group? That could help you sort out your feelings some. I know it's hard to let go of the resentments an addict has created in your mind. It doesn't seem quite fair that they get to recover and we're supposed to just get over all the rotten things they did. But, we need to find a way to do that. Our anger doesn't punish them for us. It punishes us.
If you need to get things off your chest, this is the place. Rant, grumble, kvetch and just basically unload all you want to! It's good to communicate with people who have been just where you are.
Keep posting!
Smoke
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Posts: n/a
Smoke,
Thanks for your reply and input. I have just recently started attending Al-Anon meetings with a woman that I work with. I plan on trying to make a lot more meetings in the future. I know that's about the only thing that can help to restore my sanity.
I am 22 yrs old separated with two children. My life seems like it keeps going downhill. I know I am the only one to blame for the shape my life is in. I can't blame the alcoholic/addict in my life. Even though it would make it a lot easier on my conscience if I could blame all of my mistakes on the people around me.
My new problem lies with the fact that after getting 6 years clean time and being alone for the last 7 years my mother has gotten herself a new man in her life. She calls me all the time with the problems that they are having and tells me she wants him gone, but nothing ever comes out of it.
Part of me wants to tell her not to call me with their crap anymore. I have enough to deal with without having to hear about her problems, but I know that's the selfish way out. After all she is my mom.
I am tired of feeling all of these ill feelings toward people. It's not only my mother that I feel this way toward. It's anyone and everyone. Sometimes I just snap and go off on the people around me. I tried one of the things they told me in Al-Anon. Ask myself how important is it.......and it worked for a while but now it's no use. I just fly off and think about the consquences later.
I would welcome any imput that anyone would care to give.
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April
Thanks for your reply and input. I have just recently started attending Al-Anon meetings with a woman that I work with. I plan on trying to make a lot more meetings in the future. I know that's about the only thing that can help to restore my sanity.
I am 22 yrs old separated with two children. My life seems like it keeps going downhill. I know I am the only one to blame for the shape my life is in. I can't blame the alcoholic/addict in my life. Even though it would make it a lot easier on my conscience if I could blame all of my mistakes on the people around me.
My new problem lies with the fact that after getting 6 years clean time and being alone for the last 7 years my mother has gotten herself a new man in her life. She calls me all the time with the problems that they are having and tells me she wants him gone, but nothing ever comes out of it.
Part of me wants to tell her not to call me with their crap anymore. I have enough to deal with without having to hear about her problems, but I know that's the selfish way out. After all she is my mom.
I am tired of feeling all of these ill feelings toward people. It's not only my mother that I feel this way toward. It's anyone and everyone. Sometimes I just snap and go off on the people around me. I tried one of the things they told me in Al-Anon. Ask myself how important is it.......and it worked for a while but now it's no use. I just fly off and think about the consquences later.
I would welcome any imput that anyone would care to give.
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April
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
hi again April...
Selfish? Who's selfish, dumper or the dumped upon? Maybe you could tell your mom that nothing changes if nothing changes and you'll be happy to listen to the results when she's made some changes. Maybe you could make a pact with her to each give one tiding of glad news per conversation. Then you'd both have to look for a rose in your day. It's good exercise.
Smoke
Selfish? Who's selfish, dumper or the dumped upon? Maybe you could tell your mom that nothing changes if nothing changes and you'll be happy to listen to the results when she's made some changes. Maybe you could make a pact with her to each give one tiding of glad news per conversation. Then you'd both have to look for a rose in your day. It's good exercise.
Smoke
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Posts: n/a
Well, I had a conversation with my mother today and it wasn't half bad actually. When she got on the problems she's having with her new b/f, I told her that I love her and love talking to her but that I really don't care to hear the same ole thing again.
Now onto my new problem. I am newly separated from my husband. We have been together 3 years and separated for 8 months and now I think it's time to move on with my life. I am thinking of dating. That's something I have never done before. So I am not sure how to do it.
The guy that I am interested in dating I have known for 4 years. He's also an alcoholic and addict. He's in my mothers home group. Like I was saying I have known him for a long while. He and I have always been interested in each other just never acted on it because we were both involved. Now we are both single.
I have a lot of hang-ups about dating a recovering alcoholic/addict (although he does have about 5 yrs clean time). One of the major hang-ups is the fact that he has a reputation of being a player. I am not interested in a one night stand. And I dont want to ruin a good friendship either.
Another thing is....if I have all of these resentments toward my mother who is an alcoholic .... will I start having them against him too?
I would appreciate any help with this matter.
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April
Now onto my new problem. I am newly separated from my husband. We have been together 3 years and separated for 8 months and now I think it's time to move on with my life. I am thinking of dating. That's something I have never done before. So I am not sure how to do it.
The guy that I am interested in dating I have known for 4 years. He's also an alcoholic and addict. He's in my mothers home group. Like I was saying I have known him for a long while. He and I have always been interested in each other just never acted on it because we were both involved. Now we are both single.
I have a lot of hang-ups about dating a recovering alcoholic/addict (although he does have about 5 yrs clean time). One of the major hang-ups is the fact that he has a reputation of being a player. I am not interested in a one night stand. And I dont want to ruin a good friendship either.
Another thing is....if I have all of these resentments toward my mother who is an alcoholic .... will I start having them against him too?
I would appreciate any help with this matter.
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April
Guest
Posts: n/a
April-----I have sent you an email to your email address listed---it isn't junk mail, and is entitled Al-'Anon help-please read and respond if you so desire. Until then---don't jump into something you may have just gotten out of.. Take care of YOUR healing first.
Nilla
Nilla
Guest
Posts: n/a
Hi TiredLonelyAfraid
i know exactly how you feel. Why do
we the sober one have to just forget all the hurt that the drunks/addicts put us through when they get better. So much resurfaces and they we get accused of drudging up the past and when will we let it go.
With regard to that new friend your seeing. I'd stay clear of any recovering or not
addict whether alachol, drugs, gambling or anything. Your asking for trouble getting right back into the situation you had with your mother. I know I had both alcholic parents and married an addictive personality in my husband. You tend to go to what you know. Learn something new!!! For your own sake and the sake of your children. Get away from the negative!!!!
i know exactly how you feel. Why do
we the sober one have to just forget all the hurt that the drunks/addicts put us through when they get better. So much resurfaces and they we get accused of drudging up the past and when will we let it go.
With regard to that new friend your seeing. I'd stay clear of any recovering or not
addict whether alachol, drugs, gambling or anything. Your asking for trouble getting right back into the situation you had with your mother. I know I had both alcholic parents and married an addictive personality in my husband. You tend to go to what you know. Learn something new!!! For your own sake and the sake of your children. Get away from the negative!!!!
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