lovespell

It's been a while since I've posted here. While I have many legal problems still pending and don't know the outcome quite yet..I am pretty sure I am totally screwed. I am currently on house arrest with work release. I do t have a car and am relying on friends for rides. It has been more maneageable than I thought. The anxiety of my pending charges in relation to another DUI are still pending and I am losing my mind. In the interim my Father has passed away and I have been deeply depressed. I am not drinking and have not been. I have been seeing a counselor weekly. I just thought I'd reach out on here because I'm restless and scared. I feel like my life has been ruined by alcohol. I can't believe I let this happen. My job, My education will be worthless with a felony on my record I will be let go for sure with no hope of finding another. My second child is going to travel abroad and off to college and I can't be here for him. I have missed all of my youngest sons wrestling tournaments. My family needs me in the aftermath of my Fathers death and here I sit. I most certainly am facing jail time. I have no spouse or partner..I was a great Mom. Great at my job and in helping my friends and family. I am losing and have lost it all because of drinking and driving. I am alive and no one has ever been hurt. That's the only good thing I can think of right now. I hate what I've done to my beautiful life and family. Please tell me this will get better.

Grymt

'there but for the grace of god go I' Apart from going to jail it's my story and yes, it gets better. Stay off the booze and keep working your program. Wish you all the best.

suki44883

It will get better, lovespell. It won't happen quickly, but if you keep doing the next right thing, it will get better...however, you will have to face the consequences of your past bad acts.

I remember when I got my DUI (it's been a little over 10 years now). I really felt like my life was totally screwed and nothing would ever be good again. I was wrong. It took time, and it took a lot of hard work on my part, but I am happier and more content than I have ever been. It can happen for you, too.

I say this in the kindest way possible, but I notice you have been a member here since 2006, yet you only have 17 posts. Maybe it would help you if you stick around more often. Read often and post when you need to. SR is a GREAT source of support.

Glad you posted and please, come back often.

MsCooterBrown

This is the aftermath of "What is the worst thing that could happen" that comes from this horrid addiction to alcohol. The only way it can go is to get better. I don't know how many DUIs you have had but maybe it won't be a felony? Have you talked to an attorney? I feel like you will need someone to represent you in court if this is not your first one.
So sorry for the loss of your dad.
You may not have a spouse or partner but do you have any friends that can stand by you and help you through this? I wonder if it would help your case if you checked into rehab. This is a lot for anyone to deal with. My heart goes out to you. It is addiction...not something you thought of doing. No one wants their life in such turmoil. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

lovespell

It will be my third...pending this recent case. The counselor I see specializes in the specific mental illness I have which correlates to my random binges. I could be ordered to rehab which is fine..I go extremely long periods of time without alcohol. I never drank at home. Drinking was purely a social thing for me and intermittent at that as I was always busy with kids and life. But..every time I finally had time for a weekend bender something bad happened. Sometimes nothing more than a bad hangover. As I got older it got worse. I might overdo it only once every six months but hence...the situation I am in. Actually..with my Father passing away I am thankful to be on house arrest because I am sure I would be out and about distracting myself. I do have an attorney I can't afford but I have one. I don't even care or crave drinking since I have no choice but to be home all the time. Lesson learned..the hardest way. Now to try and clean this mess up..that's the part I am petrified of. I will also have to take a ton of classes and attend AA. Without transportation. I have good friends and they have been very supportive and came to visit me etc. I'm just scared this can't be repaired this time. I have not drank anything since November.

suki44883

As long as you are drawing breath, it can be repaired. No, things won't go back to how they were before, but you can have a good life again. Do what you have to do to get the consequences taken care of; then, continue doing it. If you do, I can promise that you will one day be happy again.

MsCooterBrown

I feel like if you never drink again, your life will be repaired. Takes a whole lot of time...but we can all be a better person by getting back on track and not drink. If you click around you will see some true horror stories of what people go thru to get to the sober side. The hard part is keeping your sanity and moving forward. None of us get take backs. We can do the best we can. We can be the best we can.

Forward12

This sounds like a really rough situation. I would start going to AA meetings now and get signatures showing your attendance. This may save you from jail and the judge to show leniency that you are actively seeking help. Most all AA's have a hotline you can call and often times someone can help you with transportation.

lovespell

Thank you. It's nice to come here and have people that can relate. I read a ton of posts here and that helps my anxiety. I love stories of hope. I just guess..this isn't me. This isn't how it was supposed to be for me-the responsible one. I know I can't drink at all ever and I haven't. I know I don't have an off switch. I know I have a problem because alcohol has caused me problems. I give in fully to that realization. I have never been in any trouble my whole life until this and it all happened within one tumultuous year. I am working on my coping skills without going out and drinking and partying. Which was always my only way to cope. Being forced to accept that I really had a problem helped because I would have never done it myself. True story.