sectownkid

Relapsed Christmas Eve after forty five days of recovery. Had one beer. A week later I was slamming two to three beers in the morning before work and railing 50-150 mg of morphine every day. A few days ago I knew the party was over. After drinking all day at work and railing 8 percocets to fill that black void of addiction, which is insatiable, I was throwing up out of the car window and the first thought I had was great now I can finally drink my beer now that the nausea is gone. That was my last beer, I said, after spending hundreds of dollars on pain pills and six packs it all came down to that last beer. I was broke and couldn't get anymore and I would get sober again. I still had change in my pocket the next day and bought a tall can and slammed it with a half bottle of wine. No more pain pills, my guy was out, and I was broke so that would be it. Nah. Tonight at work I slammed the nastiest 90 proof liquer in the restauarant kitchen I work at. And a shift drink after work. I couldn't stand the pain of not having those pills and as nasty as it was it got me through the night. Jesus Christ what have I become. Treating my wife and animals like **** while in a constant state of withdrawal. Chain smoking. Can't sleep. Body aches and cold sweats. God I hope I sleep tonight. Taking tomorrow off to really kick this. This addiction is so real and I have been here so many times. Can god really salvage me and make me into the human being I truly yearn to be? Can I be forgiven of these sins and really make a huge come back? Some times I just think death is a sweet answer. But I'm only 28 and I got so much potential and **** to live for plus I got kids. Man...

Dee74

I think you could turn it around at 28 and have a great future., sectownkid
I was 40 when I quit.

Sounds like you really need help though, man.
Is rehab/detox an option at all?

even just seeing your Dr?
AA?

D

Michael66

I would say very much 'yes' to God's willingness to forgive and salvage.

But I would probably say 'no' to thinking taking a day off will 'really kick this'.

It sounds like you have a had a long term problem. And that needs a long term solution.

As Dee asks, is an inpatient stay an option? And what about AA/NA?

Good luck mate. Stick with us here, but get medical help if the withdrawals get bad.

sectownkid

Going to a DAA meeting tomorrow. Inpatient is out of question rent is too high I can't just not work. 3 month old baby six animals and wife is not working. So much..

Dee74

You can only do what you can reasonably do....but I'd work the heck out of whatever you feel can do right now for your recovery.

There's a ton of support and good ideas here

D