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Join Date: Jan 2017
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New to this
I'm really not sure how to begin my introduction. My last drink was Dec 30, 2016.
Part of me feels like I do not belong here. I have not been a heavy drinker for long (6 months). I haven't hit what I would imagine would be my rock bottom. I haven't had to face many major consequences because of my drinking.
BUT
I am starting to feel loss of control. I am riding a bike down a steep hill and my brakes are failing. I've hit some minor bumps and had some discomfort, but I just know, that if I don't find a way to slow down, I am going to wipe out soon.
I had gastric bypass surgery in January 2016, and have lost 115 lbs.
Pre-surgery, I enjoyed wine very much, but always responsibly. I would drink pretty much every night, but only a glass or two. Never had a desire or craving to drink anything else but wine. And only to the point that I felt that warm happy buzz. It was my relaxing treat after the kids went to bed. Even at social occasions, I could never understand how people could drink to the point of black out. I couldn't comprehend how someone could actually forget huge chunks of an evening.
I had to give up all alcohol 2 weeks before my surgery and for 6 months afterward. I did this without problem, worry or anxiety. It didn't bother me to do this.
6 months post op, I asked if it was ok to resume having a glass of wine in the evening. Yes, it was fine.
I don't know when it happened, but somewhere after this, I turned a corner. It was like a light switch. There was no warm happy buzz in the evening (well, if there was, it was very very short). I would go from sober, to *maybe* flushed, to downright plastered. It would hit me like a ton of bricks.
I don't even know how many drinks it takes me to get to this point. I don't know because I don't count. All I know is it's more than two but less than 10. There is no stopping me once I get going. I cannot just have "one or two".
All of a sudden, I am getting black out drunk every night. I don't remember going to bed most nights. I don't remember the last thing I've done. I've gotten in the habit of checking Facebook first thing in the morning to see if I've posted anything I don't remember. I go to work fuzzy headed and glassy eyed. In a fog until about 3pm when I can't wait to come home and have a glass of wine. A box of wine used to last me close to a week. Now it lasts me 2.5 days. I tried managing my intake by only buying one bottle of wine. But once I ran out I'd just supplement with vodka & water.
I know I need to do something. What worries me is knowing that I am in these early stages.... I am afraid of needing to get through the later stages of alcoholism before actually succeeding at beating it... if that makes sense. I feel like I'm able to acknowledge my problem, but still in some shadow of denial that I maybe I only need to "take a break" (I know this is usually untrue and unsafe thinking for an alcoholic....). But, I am new to identifying myself as one.... Where do I begin???
There is more to my story, but I feel like I've said a lot.
Thank you to anyone who has read this far.
Part of me feels like I do not belong here. I have not been a heavy drinker for long (6 months). I haven't hit what I would imagine would be my rock bottom. I haven't had to face many major consequences because of my drinking.
BUT
I am starting to feel loss of control. I am riding a bike down a steep hill and my brakes are failing. I've hit some minor bumps and had some discomfort, but I just know, that if I don't find a way to slow down, I am going to wipe out soon.
I had gastric bypass surgery in January 2016, and have lost 115 lbs.
Pre-surgery, I enjoyed wine very much, but always responsibly. I would drink pretty much every night, but only a glass or two. Never had a desire or craving to drink anything else but wine. And only to the point that I felt that warm happy buzz. It was my relaxing treat after the kids went to bed. Even at social occasions, I could never understand how people could drink to the point of black out. I couldn't comprehend how someone could actually forget huge chunks of an evening.
I had to give up all alcohol 2 weeks before my surgery and for 6 months afterward. I did this without problem, worry or anxiety. It didn't bother me to do this.
6 months post op, I asked if it was ok to resume having a glass of wine in the evening. Yes, it was fine.
I don't know when it happened, but somewhere after this, I turned a corner. It was like a light switch. There was no warm happy buzz in the evening (well, if there was, it was very very short). I would go from sober, to *maybe* flushed, to downright plastered. It would hit me like a ton of bricks.
I don't even know how many drinks it takes me to get to this point. I don't know because I don't count. All I know is it's more than two but less than 10. There is no stopping me once I get going. I cannot just have "one or two".
All of a sudden, I am getting black out drunk every night. I don't remember going to bed most nights. I don't remember the last thing I've done. I've gotten in the habit of checking Facebook first thing in the morning to see if I've posted anything I don't remember. I go to work fuzzy headed and glassy eyed. In a fog until about 3pm when I can't wait to come home and have a glass of wine. A box of wine used to last me close to a week. Now it lasts me 2.5 days. I tried managing my intake by only buying one bottle of wine. But once I ran out I'd just supplement with vodka & water.
I know I need to do something. What worries me is knowing that I am in these early stages.... I am afraid of needing to get through the later stages of alcoholism before actually succeeding at beating it... if that makes sense. I feel like I'm able to acknowledge my problem, but still in some shadow of denial that I maybe I only need to "take a break" (I know this is usually untrue and unsafe thinking for an alcoholic....). But, I am new to identifying myself as one.... Where do I begin???
There is more to my story, but I feel like I've said a lot.
Thank you to anyone who has read this far.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
The only thing you need to be a member here, is to want to get clean and sober. 
I don't think it matters much what you drank or how much or when or for how long. I think it matters more what it does to you. If you are blacking out a lot, that's a big red flag.
I hope our support can help you get sober for good before you do hit your 'rock bottom'.
I don't think it matters much what you drank or how much or when or for how long. I think it matters more what it does to you. If you are blacking out a lot, that's a big red flag.
I hope our support can help you get sober for good before you do hit your 'rock bottom'.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: North East
Posts: 621
Originally Posted by lilarose 
I'm really not sure how to begin my introduction. My last drink was Dec 30, 2016.
Part of me feels like I do not belong here. I have not been a heavy drinker for long (6 months). I haven't hit what I would imagine would be my rock bottom. I haven't had to face many major consequences because of my drinking.
BUT
I am starting to feel loss of control. I am riding a bike down a steep hill and my brakes are failing. I've hit some minor bumps and had some discomfort, but I just know, that if I don't find a way to slow down, I am going to wipe out soon.
I had gastric bypass surgery in January 2016, and have lost 115 lbs.
Pre-surgery, I enjoyed wine very much, but always responsibly. I would drink pretty much every night, but only a glass or two. Never had a desire or craving to drink anything else but wine. And only to the point that I felt that warm happy buzz. It was my relaxing treat after the kids went to bed. Even at social occasions, I could never understand how people could drink to the point of black out. I couldn't comprehend how someone could actually forget huge chunks of an evening.
I had to give up all alcohol 2 weeks before my surgery and for 6 months afterward. I did this without problem, worry or anxiety. It didn't bother me to do this.
6 months post op, I asked if it was ok to resume having a glass of wine in the evening. Yes, it was fine.
I don't know when it happened, but somewhere after this, I turned a corner. It was like a light switch. There was no warm happy buzz in the evening (well, if there was, it was very very short). I would go from sober, to *maybe* flushed, to downright plastered. It would hit me like a ton of bricks.
I don't even know how many drinks it takes me to get to this point. I don't know because I don't count. All I know is it's more than two but less than 10. There is no stopping me once I get going. I cannot just have "one or two".
All of a sudden, I am getting black out drunk every night. I don't remember going to bed most nights. I don't remember the last thing I've done. I've gotten in the habit of checking Facebook first thing in the morning to see if I've posted anything I don't remember. I go to work fuzzy headed and glassy eyed. In a fog until about 3pm when I can't wait to come home and have a glass of wine. A box of wine used to last me close to a week. Now it lasts me 2.5 days. I tried managing my intake by only buying one bottle of wine. But once I ran out I'd just supplement with vodka & water.
I know I need to do something. What worries me is knowing that I am in these early stages.... I am afraid of needing to get through the later stages of alcoholism before actually succeeding at beating it... if that makes sense. I feel like I'm able to acknowledge my problem, but still in some shadow of denial that I maybe I only need to "take a break" (I know this is usually untrue and unsafe thinking for an alcoholic....). But, I am new to identifying myself as one.... Where do I begin???
There is more to my story, but I feel like I've said a lot.
Thank you to anyone who has read this far.
Part of me feels like I do not belong here. I have not been a heavy drinker for long (6 months). I haven't hit what I would imagine would be my rock bottom. I haven't had to face many major consequences because of my drinking.
BUT
I am starting to feel loss of control. I am riding a bike down a steep hill and my brakes are failing. I've hit some minor bumps and had some discomfort, but I just know, that if I don't find a way to slow down, I am going to wipe out soon.
I had gastric bypass surgery in January 2016, and have lost 115 lbs.
Pre-surgery, I enjoyed wine very much, but always responsibly. I would drink pretty much every night, but only a glass or two. Never had a desire or craving to drink anything else but wine. And only to the point that I felt that warm happy buzz. It was my relaxing treat after the kids went to bed. Even at social occasions, I could never understand how people could drink to the point of black out. I couldn't comprehend how someone could actually forget huge chunks of an evening.
I had to give up all alcohol 2 weeks before my surgery and for 6 months afterward. I did this without problem, worry or anxiety. It didn't bother me to do this.
6 months post op, I asked if it was ok to resume having a glass of wine in the evening. Yes, it was fine.
I don't know when it happened, but somewhere after this, I turned a corner. It was like a light switch. There was no warm happy buzz in the evening (well, if there was, it was very very short). I would go from sober, to *maybe* flushed, to downright plastered. It would hit me like a ton of bricks.
I don't even know how many drinks it takes me to get to this point. I don't know because I don't count. All I know is it's more than two but less than 10. There is no stopping me once I get going. I cannot just have "one or two".
All of a sudden, I am getting black out drunk every night. I don't remember going to bed most nights. I don't remember the last thing I've done. I've gotten in the habit of checking Facebook first thing in the morning to see if I've posted anything I don't remember. I go to work fuzzy headed and glassy eyed. In a fog until about 3pm when I can't wait to come home and have a glass of wine. A box of wine used to last me close to a week. Now it lasts me 2.5 days. I tried managing my intake by only buying one bottle of wine. But once I ran out I'd just supplement with vodka & water.
I know I need to do something. What worries me is knowing that I am in these early stages.... I am afraid of needing to get through the later stages of alcoholism before actually succeeding at beating it... if that makes sense. I feel like I'm able to acknowledge my problem, but still in some shadow of denial that I maybe I only need to "take a break" (I know this is usually untrue and unsafe thinking for an alcoholic....). But, I am new to identifying myself as one.... Where do I begin???
There is more to my story, but I feel like I've said a lot.
Thank you to anyone who has read this far.
I feel like you just wrote about me......your story mirrors mine almost entirely.
I also had a gastric bypass surgery in 2001 and my drinking of wine had escalated out of control last summer i also was drinking the box wine and also finished it in 2.5 days ....i was becoming tired run down bloated ......i quit on November 3rd and feel so much better.....just take it one day at a time and fill your time with other activities to keep your mind off of drinking.....you may experience some withdrawal like wanting to sleep diarrhea.....these were some side effects i had but it will get better.....
Don't give up.....i will be here for support as well as everyone else here.....you will get lots of support here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 130
You are doing the right thing stopping, the only way your drinking is going to go is to get worse if you keep doing it. Moving to spirits will accelerate it and it sounds like you know you are getting into trouble already. I'm certain if you asked any of the long time sufferers here if they could have started their recovery earlier before they really trashed their lives or their problems got worse they would say," Hell, yes!"; why wait?
I moved on from wine to mostly spirits and wine wish I had not, this is a great opportunity take it while you can.
I moved on from wine to mostly spirits and wine wish I had not, this is a great opportunity take it while you can.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Well, once we see that the slide we're on is heading into a cess-pit, it makes sense to get off asap. My bottom wasn't as 'low' as many people's, but ut was low enough to scare me, and was also hard enough to get out of. As I thought my alcoholism hasn't been allowed to get as out of hand as some people,might thought that I didn't really need to do all that Recovery malarkey. I was wrong. Sobriety without recovery is not a comfortable place to be. I would suggest making a plan and doing the ongoing work to keep yourself sane and serene in sobriety.
And congratulations on one of the best decisions of your life. BB
And congratulations on one of the best decisions of your life. BB
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,671
Follow your head in this. Do not get to the stage of reaching a rock bottom. People seldom come to such an awareness of yours so early in the journey- well done. Have you thought of going to an AA meeting?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
welcome lilarose
There are all kinds of people with all kinds of problems here- I'm sure you'll fit in
For me, hitting bottom wasn't so much an event, as a decision - I decided I didn't want to live that way anymore for one more second.
I believe you can make that decision any time you want to
D
There are all kinds of people with all kinds of problems here- I'm sure you'll fit in
For me, hitting bottom wasn't so much an event, as a decision - I decided I didn't want to live that way anymore for one more second.
I believe you can make that decision any time you want to
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Welcome. Don't know if someone already said this but there is a huge link between gastric bypass patients and alcoholism. I have read numbers like 60% develop alcoholism but that is anecdotal. Google it, its interesting. Maybe a shift from food addiction to booze addiction?
I remember watching a show about a very obese man and the efforts of those around him to help him. It was so similar to alcohol addiction. I thought to myself 'why does everyone believe that surgery is the 'fix' here?'. To me it just looked exactly like addiction to any other substance. While surgery was certainly a 'tool' to save his life, his solution seemed like a program of recovery to me.
I use substances to fill a void internal to me. I take external stuff (booze, food, people etc) and pour them in hoping to fill the void. Works for a while....until it doesn't and that void is still there, usually deeper than ever.
I remember watching a show about a very obese man and the efforts of those around him to help him. It was so similar to alcohol addiction. I thought to myself 'why does everyone believe that surgery is the 'fix' here?'. To me it just looked exactly like addiction to any other substance. While surgery was certainly a 'tool' to save his life, his solution seemed like a program of recovery to me.
I use substances to fill a void internal to me. I take external stuff (booze, food, people etc) and pour them in hoping to fill the void. Works for a while....until it doesn't and that void is still there, usually deeper than ever.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 701
"Works for a while....until it doesn't and that void is still there, usually deeper than ever. "
That's the heck of it, isn't it? That which you use to fill the inner void ends up making it even deeper, wider, uglier, emptier. But it's all you know so you keep trying it until one day you realize you are trapped, unable to get out.
That's the heck of it, isn't it? That which you use to fill the inner void ends up making it even deeper, wider, uglier, emptier. But it's all you know so you keep trying it until one day you realize you are trapped, unable to get out.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: North East
Posts: 621
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
Welcome. Don't know if someone already said this but there is a huge link between gastric bypass patients and alcoholism. I have read numbers like 60% develop alcoholism but that is anecdotal. Google it, its interesting. Maybe a shift from food addiction to booze addiction?
I remember watching a show about a very obese man and the efforts of those around him to help him. It was so similar to alcohol addiction. I thought to myself 'why does everyone believe that surgery is the 'fix' here?'. To me it just looked exactly like addiction to any other substance. While surgery was certainly a 'tool' to save his life, his solution seemed like a program of recovery to me.
I use substances to fill a void internal to me. I take external stuff (booze, food, people etc) and pour them in hoping to fill the void. Works for a while....until it doesn't and that void is still there, usually deeper than ever.
I remember watching a show about a very obese man and the efforts of those around him to help him. It was so similar to alcohol addiction. I thought to myself 'why does everyone believe that surgery is the 'fix' here?'. To me it just looked exactly like addiction to any other substance. While surgery was certainly a 'tool' to save his life, his solution seemed like a program of recovery to me.
I use substances to fill a void internal to me. I take external stuff (booze, food, people etc) and pour them in hoping to fill the void. Works for a while....until it doesn't and that void is still there, usually deeper than ever.
Very interesting im going to Google that
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
Welcome. Don't know if someone already said this but there is a huge link between gastric bypass patients and alcoholism. I have read numbers like 60% develop alcoholism but that is anecdotal. Google it, its interesting. Maybe a shift from food addiction to booze addiction?
I remember watching a show about a very obese man and the efforts of those around him to help him. It was so similar to alcohol addiction. I thought to myself 'why does everyone believe that surgery is the 'fix' here?'. To me it just looked exactly like addiction to any other substance. While surgery was certainly a 'tool' to save his life, his solution seemed like a program of recovery to me.
I use substances to fill a void internal to me. I take external stuff (booze, food, people etc) and pour them in hoping to fill the void. Works for a while....until it doesn't and that void is still there, usually deeper than ever.
I remember watching a show about a very obese man and the efforts of those around him to help him. It was so similar to alcohol addiction. I thought to myself 'why does everyone believe that surgery is the 'fix' here?'. To me it just looked exactly like addiction to any other substance. While surgery was certainly a 'tool' to save his life, his solution seemed like a program of recovery to me.
I use substances to fill a void internal to me. I take external stuff (booze, food, people etc) and pour them in hoping to fill the void. Works for a while....until it doesn't and that void is still there, usually deeper than ever.
I don't feel that I drink to fill a void, or to solve problems, or even forget about them. I can honestly say that my only motivation for drinking in the evening was that I felt less wound up. It felt relaxing to me, the same way a hot bubble bath might feel relaxing to someone else. Pre op , I never lost control. I didn't pass out, I didn't go to work hung over, I was completely able to control my intake.
I feel as though, because of my bypass surgery, the physical changes I have gone through don't allow me to enjoy responsibly any longer. It hits me way differently than it used to. Whenever I start drinking, it's never with the intention of oblivion. But it's almost as if I don't know where that line is anymore, and that's what bothers me. I can't seem to stop myself from crossing it.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome lilarose! We're so glad you joined us.
I didn't have any particular reason for drinking either. I still don't know why I allowed it to take over my life - but in the end I was drinking all day. I was putting myself in danger, & completely dependent on it. The only way to stay safe was to stop all together. It took me way too long to realize that. I'm glad you're taking action now. You found a great place for encouragement.
I didn't have any particular reason for drinking either. I still don't know why I allowed it to take over my life - but in the end I was drinking all day. I was putting myself in danger, & completely dependent on it. The only way to stay safe was to stop all together. It took me way too long to realize that. I'm glad you're taking action now. You found a great place for encouragement.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by Hevyn
Welcome lilarose! We're so glad you joined us.
I didn't have any particular reason for drinking either. I still don't know why I allowed it to take over my life - but in the end I was drinking all day. I was putting myself in danger, & completely dependent on it. The only way to stay safe was to stop all together. It took me way too long to realize that. I'm glad you're taking action now. You found a great place for encouragement.
I didn't have any particular reason for drinking either. I still don't know why I allowed it to take over my life - but in the end I was drinking all day. I was putting myself in danger, & completely dependent on it. The only way to stay safe was to stop all together. It took me way too long to realize that. I'm glad you're taking action now. You found a great place for encouragement.
Winding up day 4. Still here.
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