Ustacallmelola

HI everyone,

Made it back from Florida yesterday and have not drank in about 2 weeks now. Last night was my first sober New Year's in 5 years and only the second one in about 10 years. I was exhausted and we did not go out, so it was not too hard. I was up early and at the gym this morning.

I am doing well for the most part. My AV is certainly present and nagging the crap out of me though. I am not giving in to it. I feel like if I fall back into drinking, I will not come out alive this time. Honestly, I am not sure I would want to. There are so many things I want for myself and my addiction will ruin everything if I let it. I know that I would hate myself. After this last time when I tried to hurt myself, I am scared to go back. I cannot allow myself to be fooled into thinking anytime would be different.

Things are better and I look better already. I am sleeping through the night for the first time in years although I am still really tired. My depression has lifted and I am thinking more clearly. I used to have a broken record in my head replaying horrible details of hurts I have endured and now I can shut it off. I have more energy and am not sick all the time. I was spending $20 a day on booze while not working. I have already saved over $200.

I have started putting out there and telling people I do not drink anymore. I have NEVER done that any other time I tried to quit. I do not want to go back....EVER.

So Happy New Year Everyone!

ZenLifter

Happy New Year to you, and congratulations on your newfound sobriety

january161992

great job and great news!

STDragon

Isn't it wonderful to sleep thru the night? I just love it. I too was really really tired all the time but that is finally lifting. I still have days where I need a nap but the energy is returning.

Congratulations on your two weeks and making thru a tough time of the year. Especially while on vacation! I don't think I could have done that.... great job!

Algorithm

Did you finish reading the RR book you took with you, and the AVRT discussion threads in the secular connections forum? There is a technique involved to this. It is simple, but not necessarily obvious.

The AV can't hurt you, so there is no need to run away from the AV, or to fight against or debate with it. You simply need to recognize it as 'not I, but IT', and stay in your right mind. For example:
If you don't engage with IT, and stay in your right mind, it should fall silent. Your Beast will reorganize. It's AV will mutate, return in a new disguise, and pump some new nonsense at you, but it still can't do anything without your engagement. If you engage, you whiten your knuckles, so to speak.

Read through the AVRT discussion threads, and feel free to post any questions. There is no other free resource like it out there, that I know of, and you will probably save yourself a lot of time and trouble.

Hevyn

Well done, Usta. Imagine, going to the gym New Year's Day morning! It's so great to wake up clear headed.

biminiblue

You're an absolute rock star, lola.

Hang on to these posts, keep coming back. You've really embraced it. Good for you

Bunting23

Thank you for the inspiration!

Delilah1

Happy New Year Lola! Starting out 2017 with two weeks sober is awesome!!

Notimetoloose

Great going Ustacallmelola...in the early days of my sobriety, I would talk back to my constantly nagging AV in no uncertain terms and tell IT to take a hike, IT was a skanky POS that did not care if I lived or died ....and it was not me and did not represent me and my desires for my life....I would tell IT that I would not be drinking and I was happy about not drinking.

STDragon

Me too.... I would tell it "Good, you should suffer after what you've done to me".