kinzoku

"Things are always changing, so nothing can ever be yours" - David Shunryu Suzuki

Last night I had a sip of beer with gf before I told her I didn't want to drink anymore. She put her beer down too and said she'd support me.
What do I do to deserve such kind people in my life? Why can't I trust them?

We had lunch today. I went home. Worked out. Meditated. I had tea and read instead of drinking and playing videogames.

I do not want to pretend I didn't have a craving. I did.

I do not want to sound like I know it all, I never will.

I can only say what I have done today, not what I will do tomorrow.

I feel the gaze of the forum when I type. It scares me as much as the gaze of my father or my girl or my friends.

Will I **** up? Am I sincere?

There are no answers to that beyond right this sober second.

I will try again. I will try to be here, with SR, I will try to maintain the healthy lifestyle that I know supports sobriety.

Peace.

MythOfSisyphus

I suppose it's a situation you must address daily, Kinzoku. I think you can succeed though, if that's what you want. No one is destined to drink. We choose to or choose not to. For today you didn't drink. That is something.

Dee74

You can do this

D

Soberwolf

Have you read Ds plan link great time to get started

waywardson8260

Take it one day at a time and you can do this kinzoku!

PhoenixJ

Through your raw, open, sincere honesty you show maturity and awareness of who you are. Good stuff. Thankyou. PJ

kintsugi

If you have an interest in Zen and it's something that really resonates with you, there are alot of principles that can help with cravings. Shunryū has a book, Zen Mind, that is pretty interesting and can be found free online. I also really like another book on Zen that is written by Alan Watts (one of my favourite philosophers on a number of topics).

Sometimes SR can feel a bit judgemental, but I think most people are posting with good intentions. Keep writing! There might be someone here who really needs to receive what you have to say

kinzoku

I love Zen Men Beginners Mind. Actually I am reading Shunryu's biography right now. I keep trying to get into Alan Watts but something about him doesn't work for me. I may give him another go after this book, thanks

thomas11

Dude, I don't want to call you out, but I think this is your third day 1 this month? Something is not working, correct? You don't have to put yourself through this madness.

I hope you can find a method, technique or mindset that allows you continued sober time. Hang in there, glad you keep coming back.

kinzoku

It's fair to call me out, though it does sting.

I believe I do know what works for me, it worked for a year and a half.

Perhaps that is arrogance, I cannot say.

I will try to post here everyday on my journey.

Thank you.

EDIT: An Addendum.

I believe that what has been lacking this month is not a plan, for I know what sober Kinzoku does. Good sleep, working out, eating right, reading, studying, walking, posting here consistently and having the supprot of friends and family. Those are my sober tools.

Where I failed this month is that I simply wanted to drink more than I wanted to be sober.

Today I have no desire to drink. I cannot say about tomorrow. I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and perhaps when I have walked a ways I can think deeper again.

ScottFromWI

I'm very happy to hear you have decided to take a stand and make this a new beginning Kinzoku. I think what Thomas and some of the others may be insinuating is that you may need to try something different this time.

Reading the two statements above out of your message, I would ask you to ask yourself this: If you continue to do exactly what you did before, what will you do if the day comes again when you want do drink more than you want to be sober? And if you don't know the answer, how can we help you in finding a solution? Because the day most likely will come again - you need to be ready.

Algorithm

Therein lies your problem. You have no plan, not while in the presence of desire, when it would count. Your desire for the absence of desire in order to abstain is actually a plan to drink in the presence of desire. Nothing more, and nothing less.

Your plan is simply to drink whenever you really want to.

MrPL

Hi kinzoku,

I think the path of relying on wether tomorrow you will or will not have the desire to drink is bound to fail you at some point.

This is not about desire, there can't be any argument with your AV, it s always going to beat you if you even consider the possibility.

We all get the desire at some point, but the second it starts to appear I tell myself "what the hell are you thinking?". It can't happen, just like I have the desire to walk out of work in the afternoon and go to a park and yet I don't because it would be stupid to do so. It is not too different with drinking.

You can do this.

P