why is it so difficult?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Kingston, NY
Posts: 390
why is it so difficult?
Why is it so hard to stay away from something that is clearly very bad for me - and obviously for all of you, too? I am NOT going to drink, but why is it that I want to so badly? I have read reams and reams of literature about alcoholism; being of a scientific mind-set, it helps me to understand the physiology/neurochemistry of the disease. However, even knowing what I do, the thought of a drink remains a siren call. And a siren call it is - if I go that way, that way destruction lies. It's crazy-making, this desire to do something I know to be so destructive! One day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time. I know these things. I will make it, just a step at a time.
I just had to vent a little.
Thank you all for being here for me, though you don't even know me.
I just had to vent a little.
Thank you all for being here for me, though you don't even know me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
But I do know you. And you know me. We're addicts, alcoholics. We share a disease/affliction/malady/behavior. Doesn't really matter how one defines it. What matters, I think, is that we all share a common trait. We all, to one degree or another, obsess about the drink/drug.
Venting works for me too
Venting works for me too
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello, and a pleasure to meet you :-)
If you are of a scientific mind-set, then perhaps you are familiar with the concept of "feed-back"? If so, consider that the mechanism by which a human being determines what is sane and what is crazy resides in the brain. So if you anesthetize that mechanism with an addiction, how are you to ever know what is crazy or sane?
Well said Q. (Can I call you "Q"? the full name of the white oak is just too long to type :-) It is a form of suicide, the most painful and horrible form of all.
What I do is listen to a _different_ siren call. The call of life. Of health. The call of my friends who care for me and my family who loves me.
Yup, we will all make it together.
Mike :-)
Originally Posted by quercusalba
... being of a scientific mind-set, it helps me to understand the physiology/neurochemistry of the disease...
Originally Posted by quercusalba
... And a siren call it is - if I go that way, that way destruction lies...
What I do is listen to a _different_ siren call. The call of life. Of health. The call of my friends who care for me and my family who loves me.
Originally Posted by quercusalba
... One day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time. I know these things. I will make it, just a step at a time...
Mike :-)
doing the inside job
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: planet happy
Posts: 542
my lover , my best friend, my doctor, my lawyer, my god.
we been through thick and thin together. many sunsets and sunsrise.
made me laugh, made me cried.
listened when nobody cared. Was there when i didn't cared
how i love it so.
but we can't get along anymore.
damn it!!!.... it's acid under my skin,now.
it's still a lost to me thou.
we been through thick and thin together. many sunsets and sunsrise.
made me laugh, made me cried.
listened when nobody cared. Was there when i didn't cared
how i love it so.
but we can't get along anymore.
damn it!!!.... it's acid under my skin,now.
it's still a lost to me thou.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Kingston, NY
Posts: 390
Thanks for all of your responses... all of you make good points. Sure, Mike, you can call me Q.! How cool. A nickname. I suppose "Quercus alba" doesn't really roll right off the tongue...
Anyhow, Mike, you're right - I do need to listen to the call that is health and happiness - and love and family. And sanity, unanesthetized.
Anyhow, Mike, you're right - I do need to listen to the call that is health and happiness - and love and family. And sanity, unanesthetized.
spirit
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: perth,western australia
Posts: 1,460
hi Q ( i agree your whole nick is to hard to spell haha) what the heck does it mean anyway, is it latin????
Q - all i can say to you is, we are in the same boat, or bus as we call it, there is plenty of room on our bus. we take turns enjoying the view, driving, jumping off and being picked up again.
tis a long journey, but welcome, hope you enjoy the ride, could be the best you ever have
hugs
kath
Q - all i can say to you is, we are in the same boat, or bus as we call it, there is plenty of room on our bus. we take turns enjoying the view, driving, jumping off and being picked up again.
tis a long journey, but welcome, hope you enjoy the ride, could be the best you ever have
hugs
kath
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Burlington, VT
Posts: 25
I can tell you why I think it is hard, for me. When I am drunk, nothing else matters, problems don't bother me, the rest of the crap in my life is out of the picture. When I am sober, I have to face reality, and I have been hiding from that for so long it is frightening. I too understand being sober would make things so much better, I guess I lack the courage right now to face that. Just gotta keep trying I guess.
-Dan
-Dan
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beaver, WA
Posts: 1,346
(((((((Dan)))))))
For me the illusions and delusions of my drinking were somewhat responsible for increasing the pile of crap in my life I did not want to deal with. When I got sober and started looking at them for what they were, I was overwhelmed. Thank God for a sponsor to help guide me into a process of getting the CRAP out of my head and gut and onto paper so I could actually work through the mountains of CRAP I myself had created. Used to say I was a skindiver for RotoRooter and very much into Job Security so I kept creating more crap.
(((((((Dan)))))))) There is a Solution
Three Legs
For me the illusions and delusions of my drinking were somewhat responsible for increasing the pile of crap in my life I did not want to deal with. When I got sober and started looking at them for what they were, I was overwhelmed. Thank God for a sponsor to help guide me into a process of getting the CRAP out of my head and gut and onto paper so I could actually work through the mountains of CRAP I myself had created. Used to say I was a skindiver for RotoRooter and very much into Job Security so I kept creating more crap.
(((((((Dan)))))))) There is a Solution
Three Legs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Kingston, NY
Posts: 390
Burlington is a nice place... I spent some time there while I was climbing the 4000-footers in VT. Camel's Hump is an awesome mountain - great hike.
I drink because it makes me feel good... initially. Only initially. I also drink to escape reality, that's true too. Unfortunately, reality tends to be a hundred times uglier when you're facing it with a hangover and tremendous guilt.
It amazes me that I can crave this thing that I know very well will cause me to lose people I love dearly... and ultimately cause me to lose everything. It seems twisted and sick. I suppose it is. I suppose it's all part of the disease that is alcoholism. It's a tiring thing to battle... but I feel so much better when I win. Hopefully I will find the strength - here, in AA, with loved ones - to pull through each day and string more and more sober moments together.
I very much appreciate the discussion and support I've found here.
And yes, Kath - Quercus alba is Latin for white oak. I'm a bit of a botany nerd, you'll have to excuse me!
Thanks again, SR community.
I drink because it makes me feel good... initially. Only initially. I also drink to escape reality, that's true too. Unfortunately, reality tends to be a hundred times uglier when you're facing it with a hangover and tremendous guilt.
It amazes me that I can crave this thing that I know very well will cause me to lose people I love dearly... and ultimately cause me to lose everything. It seems twisted and sick. I suppose it is. I suppose it's all part of the disease that is alcoholism. It's a tiring thing to battle... but I feel so much better when I win. Hopefully I will find the strength - here, in AA, with loved ones - to pull through each day and string more and more sober moments together.
I very much appreciate the discussion and support I've found here.
And yes, Kath - Quercus alba is Latin for white oak. I'm a bit of a botany nerd, you'll have to excuse me!
Thanks again, SR community.
spirit
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: perth,western australia
Posts: 1,460
hi Q, ah white oak that sounds so cool, i never learnt latin, but my father did - so i know it when i see it, but do not know what it always means.
white oak is a very cool name, it is strong and pure, something your are or strive to be.
my nick is spirit, short for spirt woman, someting i was described as many many years ago, i never understood why, but it fits and i have never been able to change it hahaha
yes the grog (alcohol) calls us, there are days we can say no and yet days we say yes. at the risk of being slammed by my collegues here, i have to say, on those days when it calls, and we take it, dont think of it as a failure, just another day.
sometimes i think we spend too much energy on what we didnt achieve rather than what we have.
i learnt that when i let alcohol go, i gained other things, at first they didnt seem so important, some days they still dont, but in the end they were.
a simple choice a soda water walking around my garden at night can be as good and better than a wine. i might still do the wine garden walk, but i know the soda water one feels better. i, like you , am still learning
if you slip dont beat yourself up, but dont allow it to be an excuse to keep being useless on the boose.
not drinking is an art for us, it is skill we need to learn. we learnt to drink over many years, it will take time to learn not to drink, but it can be done in small steps.
white oak i bow to you and wish you good luck
as they say "some days are **** but other days there are cocktails"
we just need to learn the hard way, to deal with the **** wthout the cocktails.
i havent done that every day yet. there are many here who have. learn from them
one step at a time mate
hugs on your journey, it will be a long one, but so was your drinking one
cheers
kath
white oak is a very cool name, it is strong and pure, something your are or strive to be.
my nick is spirit, short for spirt woman, someting i was described as many many years ago, i never understood why, but it fits and i have never been able to change it hahaha
yes the grog (alcohol) calls us, there are days we can say no and yet days we say yes. at the risk of being slammed by my collegues here, i have to say, on those days when it calls, and we take it, dont think of it as a failure, just another day.
sometimes i think we spend too much energy on what we didnt achieve rather than what we have.
i learnt that when i let alcohol go, i gained other things, at first they didnt seem so important, some days they still dont, but in the end they were.
a simple choice a soda water walking around my garden at night can be as good and better than a wine. i might still do the wine garden walk, but i know the soda water one feels better. i, like you , am still learning
if you slip dont beat yourself up, but dont allow it to be an excuse to keep being useless on the boose.
not drinking is an art for us, it is skill we need to learn. we learnt to drink over many years, it will take time to learn not to drink, but it can be done in small steps.
white oak i bow to you and wish you good luck
as they say "some days are **** but other days there are cocktails"
we just need to learn the hard way, to deal with the **** wthout the cocktails.
i havent done that every day yet. there are many here who have. learn from them
one step at a time mate
hugs on your journey, it will be a long one, but so was your drinking one
cheers
kath
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