My husband disappeared 4 days ago and I just found out I'm pregnant...new to all of this
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: San Antonio, tx
Posts: 5
My husband disappeared 4 days ago and I just found out I'm pregnant...new to all of this
My husband and I dated from 1997 to 1999 but then I had to join the army to take care of my two children that I had from a previous abusive marriage. I knew at this point that he smoked marijuana pretty regularly but I didn't have a problem with that. He was absolutely wonderful, very attentive, very loving, and I thought of him deeply of the next 15 years while we were separated ( he and his family told me that he never dated during those 15 years because he couldn't see himself with anyone else other than me ). We reconnected earlier this year and we fell head over heels in love with each other just like it was before and got married in April of this year.
Because he lived in a different state when we reconnected, he moved to my state right before we got married. He didn't have a job when he moved here so I paid his car payment, his insurance, his food, his clothing, shelter, everything. I figured that's what you do for your spouse because he was supposedly trying to find a job. Then I noticed that money was coming up missing. I found out he was using. Supposedly during those 15 years he had oral surgery and was put on pain meds that he ended up addicted to and then started using something called Kratom to break that addiction but ended up addicted to it instead. He was convinced that because it's all natural it was OK but now I can see how it's just completely destroyed his life and changed who he is. We set it up so he could join a year long rehab program that he was supposed to go to at the end of this week. Last week I started to notice that he was very standoffish when he's usually very affectionate, he was getting irritable and I figured something was up. I ask him if he was using again and he said no he was just upset and kind of nervous about going to this year long rehab program.
Friday of this past week, we were supposed to take his vehicle to a family member back in his home state who agreed to keep it while he was gone at rehab. Thursday he said he wasn't feeling well ( Looking back, I believe he was using again and his "not feeling well" was actually withdrawals). He told me to go ahead and run the errands that I needed to run and gave me a kiss and told me he'd see me when I get back. I came home within 45 minutes and he and his car were both gone. No note, no phone call, nothing… Just gone. Then I looked and found the $600 that I thought I had hidden was obviously not hidden very well because he took it with him. That was nearly 4 days ago and I haven't heard from him since. His phone doesn't have service ( he never really cared to have a phone anyways and when he only got on social media once we reconnected so we could talk ) so we usually message through Facebook as long as he is someplace with Wi-Fi. But since he's been gone he's not checked his Facebook messages. I think he knows that it's going be filled with messages from people wondering where he is and of course messages from me and I don't think he wants to see them.
We had been trying to conceive because he said he truly wanted to have a child with me. Just a few hours after he left I found out that I'm pregnant. I messaged him about it hoping that he would see it and come back because he had told me the whole time that he really wanted us to have a child and now here I am pregnant and he's gone.
Now all of a sudden everybody has these stories about how he lived with them and he stole from them, took medication, pawned jewelry, everything. I was told a little bit of him stealing in the past but it was played down very well to not look as bad as it really was. I can't believe no one wanted to tell me this, these people were at my wedding! They said that they just figured that because he started using out of missing me they figured that with me back in his life it would fix everything and they didn't want to mess that up by telling me.
The addicts mind is completely foreign to me. I've never had to deal with anything like this before and I'm at a total loss. I'm absolutely devastated and alone and the not knowing is what kills me more than anything. If he would've left a note or something I think it would be easier. But how do you just walk away like that???
I don't know if he is still in the state or another state or even in another country. I know the last time that he used he was looking up how to go to Mexico. I don't know if he's gonna be gone for a few days, few weeks, a few months, or forever. I'm just coming here to see if anyone has ever dealt with in issue like this or if anyone has had someone here has disappeared for good as that's my greatest fear. Any help with this is greatly appreciated. I have no nearby family and I don't socialize much so I don't really have friends close by, so I'm dealing with this completely alone other than speaking with some friends and family over social media.
** The other thing is my husband is not very typical. He would be just fine living in the woods and would honestly prefer it that way. The trunk of his car is full of survival gear and the only personal items he took with him was a blanket, a few pairs of shorts, a few shirts, his iPod, his phone, and 10 days worth of blood pressure medication. It was obviously a mad dash and not very well thought out, but he's gone nonetheless and I am beside myself with grief.
Because he lived in a different state when we reconnected, he moved to my state right before we got married. He didn't have a job when he moved here so I paid his car payment, his insurance, his food, his clothing, shelter, everything. I figured that's what you do for your spouse because he was supposedly trying to find a job. Then I noticed that money was coming up missing. I found out he was using. Supposedly during those 15 years he had oral surgery and was put on pain meds that he ended up addicted to and then started using something called Kratom to break that addiction but ended up addicted to it instead. He was convinced that because it's all natural it was OK but now I can see how it's just completely destroyed his life and changed who he is. We set it up so he could join a year long rehab program that he was supposed to go to at the end of this week. Last week I started to notice that he was very standoffish when he's usually very affectionate, he was getting irritable and I figured something was up. I ask him if he was using again and he said no he was just upset and kind of nervous about going to this year long rehab program.
Friday of this past week, we were supposed to take his vehicle to a family member back in his home state who agreed to keep it while he was gone at rehab. Thursday he said he wasn't feeling well ( Looking back, I believe he was using again and his "not feeling well" was actually withdrawals). He told me to go ahead and run the errands that I needed to run and gave me a kiss and told me he'd see me when I get back. I came home within 45 minutes and he and his car were both gone. No note, no phone call, nothing… Just gone. Then I looked and found the $600 that I thought I had hidden was obviously not hidden very well because he took it with him. That was nearly 4 days ago and I haven't heard from him since. His phone doesn't have service ( he never really cared to have a phone anyways and when he only got on social media once we reconnected so we could talk ) so we usually message through Facebook as long as he is someplace with Wi-Fi. But since he's been gone he's not checked his Facebook messages. I think he knows that it's going be filled with messages from people wondering where he is and of course messages from me and I don't think he wants to see them.
We had been trying to conceive because he said he truly wanted to have a child with me. Just a few hours after he left I found out that I'm pregnant. I messaged him about it hoping that he would see it and come back because he had told me the whole time that he really wanted us to have a child and now here I am pregnant and he's gone.
Now all of a sudden everybody has these stories about how he lived with them and he stole from them, took medication, pawned jewelry, everything. I was told a little bit of him stealing in the past but it was played down very well to not look as bad as it really was. I can't believe no one wanted to tell me this, these people were at my wedding! They said that they just figured that because he started using out of missing me they figured that with me back in his life it would fix everything and they didn't want to mess that up by telling me.
The addicts mind is completely foreign to me. I've never had to deal with anything like this before and I'm at a total loss. I'm absolutely devastated and alone and the not knowing is what kills me more than anything. If he would've left a note or something I think it would be easier. But how do you just walk away like that???
I don't know if he is still in the state or another state or even in another country. I know the last time that he used he was looking up how to go to Mexico. I don't know if he's gonna be gone for a few days, few weeks, a few months, or forever. I'm just coming here to see if anyone has ever dealt with in issue like this or if anyone has had someone here has disappeared for good as that's my greatest fear. Any help with this is greatly appreciated. I have no nearby family and I don't socialize much so I don't really have friends close by, so I'm dealing with this completely alone other than speaking with some friends and family over social media.
** The other thing is my husband is not very typical. He would be just fine living in the woods and would honestly prefer it that way. The trunk of his car is full of survival gear and the only personal items he took with him was a blanket, a few pairs of shorts, a few shirts, his iPod, his phone, and 10 days worth of blood pressure medication. It was obviously a mad dash and not very well thought out, but he's gone nonetheless and I am beside myself with grief.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
welcome to SR. i am so very sorry for the circumstances that lead you here, but know that you are not alone.
it sounds as if your AH took serious advantage of your kind and giving nature....and fed enough "love" talk that you willingly paid for everything, under the auspices of him looking for work. instead he found himself a new bank account to drain............and brought a hidden addiction with him. and then faced with going off to rehab, he ran for the hills.
his actions are despicable. full grown men who have committed themselves to a partner do not take off, stealing $$ from the household, without a single word. i think sadly the "real" him is making itself known.....drugs don't MAKE you do those things.
the news of the pregnancy is unsettling, exciting and sad, when it should be one of the happiest moments of your life. but know this, evne if he does return, and does go into rehab, nothing is magically fixed. HE won't be fixed. and you will still have your children to consider first and foremost.
it sounds as if your AH took serious advantage of your kind and giving nature....and fed enough "love" talk that you willingly paid for everything, under the auspices of him looking for work. instead he found himself a new bank account to drain............and brought a hidden addiction with him. and then faced with going off to rehab, he ran for the hills.
his actions are despicable. full grown men who have committed themselves to a partner do not take off, stealing $$ from the household, without a single word. i think sadly the "real" him is making itself known.....drugs don't MAKE you do those things.
the news of the pregnancy is unsettling, exciting and sad, when it should be one of the happiest moments of your life. but know this, evne if he does return, and does go into rehab, nothing is magically fixed. HE won't be fixed. and you will still have your children to consider first and foremost.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am sorry for your predicament and hope you will find a way to take care of yourself and your baby.
It will hurt now, but the pain won't last forever. If he came back, the agony would just continue. Take a read around and know that you are not alone here, we all support you and hope you find comfort here.
Prayers out for you and your baby.
Hugs
It will hurt now, but the pain won't last forever. If he came back, the agony would just continue. Take a read around and know that you are not alone here, we all support you and hope you find comfort here.
Prayers out for you and your baby.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Lexington, SC
Posts: 3
PeacefulJourney:
Addicts always come back. So...first of all....stop wishing him back, he'll be back soon enough, and he'll bring all the addict behaviors back with him so you can do this some more with him. Addicts are pretty typical, and not nearly as unique as they'de like to think they are. Their focus gets to and becomes constantly about the drugs, the getting the using, and the getting more. People like you and me are the 3rd wheel in their lives. It was a hard lesson to learn that 3s a crowd, and I was #3....it was him, his addiction and then me.
If you want to attempt to save your marriage, honestly, you have one option and one option only....you cannot enable him. You will need to tell him he can't come home until he enters rehab first and then, and only then are you willing to entertain the idea. The addict is not done until they are done. Until that is apparent, it should be clear moving on and not looking back is the next step. Anything else is enabling.
Love isn't enough...you cannot love that man so much that he will walk away from his addiction. My husband walked away from everything when I finally....FINALLY.....said rehab before you come home...and I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that if any man ever loved a woman, my husband loved me. EVERYONE in our lives would tell you the same thing. I guess I got out lucky because as a result, he never put his hands on me, and after I found out he was stealing from us/me....it shamed him so bad he didn't do it anymore....BUT.....he found ways to get and use that didn't involve me or our home, and he still is. At this point, he's out there and I know he wants to see me, but he can't, because I told him he had to go to rehab and recovery first, before he brought the drug life back to my home and our daughter's life.
It took me a long time to get here, and I have been battered, bruised emotionally, and am sick from the stress (*this is literally). Now, I finally get it...and it took me too long to get it....and you know what....????.....every day that passes just blows my mind because it's evidence and proof that he is an addict, loves that drug, and my love isn't enough to save him....those are the realities of addiction.
Your "good news" isn't going to make him stop using. I can almost feel you anticipating telling him, wanting to believe that it will turn him around.....but he has to hit a bottom with those drugs and that has nothing to do with you or anyone else in his life. The ball literally is in his court until you take it away from him and offer him the bottom line....rehab/recovery or you can't come home.
My husband has been gone about 3 weeks now and it's starting to get a little easier, but like everyone else on this site says, it's very ...extremely hard.....to let go. I deluded myself into thinking him here was something....it sure was.....it was more stress and responsibility for me. He was moody, unreliable, untrustworthy, and at times one of emotionally, physically and spiritually unavailable to me, so our relationship was anything but satisfying, rewarding or fulfilling.
I texted this to him, and it pretty much sums it up:
Your inability to feel, desire and share the beauty of our love with me has been torture for me. Leaving is about self preservation and does not speak to my love for you. Leaving speaks to my need to feel, experience and enjoy my own humanity.
I hope you'll cut and paste my words to you, but I know they bite, sting, are unwelcome (you want the magic bullet, don't we all?).....the reason I hope you'll cut and paste my words to you is I hope the seed I've planted for you will flourish, and in those times when your gut tells you this is NOT RIGHT, you'll read what I wrote and ask yourself some hard questions about reality.....your reality......
I only wrote those words to my husband after living a painful non existence with him for so long that I was a distraught mess...and now I am paying for it, because the stress of living in those conditions for so long literally has made me a very sick person....and he left not but a few days after finding out I was very sick......
The man who walked me down the isle might be in that body somewhere, but the fact is, his brain is literally driven to seek and have and use his drug of choice constantly, and when he doesn't have it, he's tripping out on me, and when he does, he's tripping out on me.....and me????....I languish.
not anymore.
I truly wish I'd have been willing to do the hard thing a long time back, because my enabling him, by providing for him (even though he worked, I kept our stuff in order in so many ways, and made up for his shortcomings, or found ways to get them taken care of).....now he's so far gone, I truly worry about when the call will come.....had I done the hard thing two years ago, would he be so advanced in his addiction? I don't know, because I did what I did, thinking I could somehow help, somehow make a difference....and he was lying to me the whole time...and using the whole time...and getting further and further into his disease the whole time....so here we are.
What you allow will continue.
My words wont sit well with you for now....but give it some time....and the time will come when they resonate quite perfunctory.
My heart is with you...all of you....who are enduring these trials as I am. I completely understand, and yet there isn't a thing I can do about it.....except NOT enable him.
Addicts always come back. So...first of all....stop wishing him back, he'll be back soon enough, and he'll bring all the addict behaviors back with him so you can do this some more with him. Addicts are pretty typical, and not nearly as unique as they'de like to think they are. Their focus gets to and becomes constantly about the drugs, the getting the using, and the getting more. People like you and me are the 3rd wheel in their lives. It was a hard lesson to learn that 3s a crowd, and I was #3....it was him, his addiction and then me.
If you want to attempt to save your marriage, honestly, you have one option and one option only....you cannot enable him. You will need to tell him he can't come home until he enters rehab first and then, and only then are you willing to entertain the idea. The addict is not done until they are done. Until that is apparent, it should be clear moving on and not looking back is the next step. Anything else is enabling.
Love isn't enough...you cannot love that man so much that he will walk away from his addiction. My husband walked away from everything when I finally....FINALLY.....said rehab before you come home...and I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that if any man ever loved a woman, my husband loved me. EVERYONE in our lives would tell you the same thing. I guess I got out lucky because as a result, he never put his hands on me, and after I found out he was stealing from us/me....it shamed him so bad he didn't do it anymore....BUT.....he found ways to get and use that didn't involve me or our home, and he still is. At this point, he's out there and I know he wants to see me, but he can't, because I told him he had to go to rehab and recovery first, before he brought the drug life back to my home and our daughter's life.
It took me a long time to get here, and I have been battered, bruised emotionally, and am sick from the stress (*this is literally). Now, I finally get it...and it took me too long to get it....and you know what....????.....every day that passes just blows my mind because it's evidence and proof that he is an addict, loves that drug, and my love isn't enough to save him....those are the realities of addiction.
Your "good news" isn't going to make him stop using. I can almost feel you anticipating telling him, wanting to believe that it will turn him around.....but he has to hit a bottom with those drugs and that has nothing to do with you or anyone else in his life. The ball literally is in his court until you take it away from him and offer him the bottom line....rehab/recovery or you can't come home.
My husband has been gone about 3 weeks now and it's starting to get a little easier, but like everyone else on this site says, it's very ...extremely hard.....to let go. I deluded myself into thinking him here was something....it sure was.....it was more stress and responsibility for me. He was moody, unreliable, untrustworthy, and at times one of emotionally, physically and spiritually unavailable to me, so our relationship was anything but satisfying, rewarding or fulfilling.
I texted this to him, and it pretty much sums it up:
Your inability to feel, desire and share the beauty of our love with me has been torture for me. Leaving is about self preservation and does not speak to my love for you. Leaving speaks to my need to feel, experience and enjoy my own humanity.
I hope you'll cut and paste my words to you, but I know they bite, sting, are unwelcome (you want the magic bullet, don't we all?).....the reason I hope you'll cut and paste my words to you is I hope the seed I've planted for you will flourish, and in those times when your gut tells you this is NOT RIGHT, you'll read what I wrote and ask yourself some hard questions about reality.....your reality......
I only wrote those words to my husband after living a painful non existence with him for so long that I was a distraught mess...and now I am paying for it, because the stress of living in those conditions for so long literally has made me a very sick person....and he left not but a few days after finding out I was very sick......
The man who walked me down the isle might be in that body somewhere, but the fact is, his brain is literally driven to seek and have and use his drug of choice constantly, and when he doesn't have it, he's tripping out on me, and when he does, he's tripping out on me.....and me????....I languish.
not anymore.
I truly wish I'd have been willing to do the hard thing a long time back, because my enabling him, by providing for him (even though he worked, I kept our stuff in order in so many ways, and made up for his shortcomings, or found ways to get them taken care of).....now he's so far gone, I truly worry about when the call will come.....had I done the hard thing two years ago, would he be so advanced in his addiction? I don't know, because I did what I did, thinking I could somehow help, somehow make a difference....and he was lying to me the whole time...and using the whole time...and getting further and further into his disease the whole time....so here we are.
What you allow will continue.
My words wont sit well with you for now....but give it some time....and the time will come when they resonate quite perfunctory.
My heart is with you...all of you....who are enduring these trials as I am. I completely understand, and yet there isn't a thing I can do about it.....except NOT enable him.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,680
PeacefulJ- a story and then some. Addiction sucks. Pregnancy is great. Alone it's scary. I am a non women person but know enough to understand and empathise. My story in brief- my wife and I are going through divorce at her insistence- I accepted this with as much grace as I could muster. 30 years married. 2 adult sons (great sons). A year ago my drinking career reached it's zenith- drunk + cigarette+falling asleep = 4th degree 20% burns. Neighbours called ambulance. Wife refused to be my next of kin. Only contacted me to get money for a bill, send me life saving ambulance bill, leave all my clothes at hospital and divorce. Nearly died 4 times . No contact with family. Alone.
Do not feel sorry for my self- I am filled with sadness and regret. For the damage I caused. For the shame and embarrassment I caused my family. My reasons for alcohol run deep and long- but that is not my families concern now. They reached breaking point. They need to heal and grow- find closure and move on. Without me. 10 months sober now. Too little too late for the past.
You need to focus on yourself and your child. Use all of your positive supports. Your husband- if he is that malicious to plan this stuff- is aware. His journey, not yours. Stay safe and do what you have to do. I assume he is not a missing person? Either way- he is his own responsibility. You are a good person by your words- do not get dragged into the addictive co-dependency hell cycle. Keep looking here- trillions and billions (Karl Sagan eat your heart out!) of stories.
Thoughts and prayers to you and your child. I hope your husband is safe and he becomes again that person you knew and loved. There is always hope.
Thankyou for your share and yours too preserv. You are both good and strong people. . PJ
Do not feel sorry for my self- I am filled with sadness and regret. For the damage I caused. For the shame and embarrassment I caused my family. My reasons for alcohol run deep and long- but that is not my families concern now. They reached breaking point. They need to heal and grow- find closure and move on. Without me. 10 months sober now. Too little too late for the past.
You need to focus on yourself and your child. Use all of your positive supports. Your husband- if he is that malicious to plan this stuff- is aware. His journey, not yours. Stay safe and do what you have to do. I assume he is not a missing person? Either way- he is his own responsibility. You are a good person by your words- do not get dragged into the addictive co-dependency hell cycle. Keep looking here- trillions and billions (Karl Sagan eat your heart out!) of stories.
Thoughts and prayers to you and your child. I hope your husband is safe and he becomes again that person you knew and loved. There is always hope.
Thankyou for your share and yours too preserv. You are both good and strong people. . PJ
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,680
Alcie's regardless of their own sad stories often cause damage to those we love. To know is to understand is to be part of life. Otherwise might as well live in a stimulus deprivation tank, don'tchya reckon (mate)?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Lexington, SC
Posts: 3
PhoenixJ: I celebrate your recovery with you. Thank you for sharing that you've got 10 months sober. I know without asking that it took work and resolve on your part to get each and every one of those days.
My husband came to the house tonight to discuss legal separation, and was wild eyed and frankly incapable of even having a real discussion. He looked the worst I've ever seen him, and yet, he persisted in so many words and ways that I am his enemy. It hurt and eventually got under my skin, at which point I cut the discussion short, or wrapped it up and quite abruptly invited him to move on.
He called me after he left and actually threatened me. He insinuated that I had shared our reasons for separation with people at our work, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that no one even asked, because they all already knew, as we've separated a good 6-8 times in the past. Something is different in me this time. I don't see him as the man I love anymore. I see him as a petulant and willful child that won't say what he really wants, because he truly wants two things.....1) Come home and 2) continue to use....and he knows one of those two things, being his priority, is not agreeable at "home."
Its sad. Im sad.....
It would be such a long road back for us to reunite, AFTER a stint in rehab and a continued recovery program, but without it, there is absolutely no chance that I would allow that lifestyle back into my life....I didn't take vows with him and his drugs...and yet, shortly after he took those vows with me his drugs showed up (we're talking 14 years!).....and they have intruded on my happy life ever since. He hasn't been available to me physically, emotionally or spiritually, and mine has been a sad marriage as a result. I just can't do this anymore with him. I'd rather be alone than live this to the bitter end with him.....and bitter I would be.
My husband came to the house tonight to discuss legal separation, and was wild eyed and frankly incapable of even having a real discussion. He looked the worst I've ever seen him, and yet, he persisted in so many words and ways that I am his enemy. It hurt and eventually got under my skin, at which point I cut the discussion short, or wrapped it up and quite abruptly invited him to move on.
He called me after he left and actually threatened me. He insinuated that I had shared our reasons for separation with people at our work, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that no one even asked, because they all already knew, as we've separated a good 6-8 times in the past. Something is different in me this time. I don't see him as the man I love anymore. I see him as a petulant and willful child that won't say what he really wants, because he truly wants two things.....1) Come home and 2) continue to use....and he knows one of those two things, being his priority, is not agreeable at "home."
Its sad. Im sad.....
It would be such a long road back for us to reunite, AFTER a stint in rehab and a continued recovery program, but without it, there is absolutely no chance that I would allow that lifestyle back into my life....I didn't take vows with him and his drugs...and yet, shortly after he took those vows with me his drugs showed up (we're talking 14 years!).....and they have intruded on my happy life ever since. He hasn't been available to me physically, emotionally or spiritually, and mine has been a sad marriage as a result. I just can't do this anymore with him. I'd rather be alone than live this to the bitter end with him.....and bitter I would be.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,680
Preservation- of your life. Of your family and future. You are going it tough- but life goes on. We all travel down that crappy cliché road. At least we know there are companions who help us along that stupid (at times) road. Glad to be on that road sometimes. PJ
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Lexington, SC
Posts: 3
PJ, please explain what this comment means....for those of us who don't have a clue who Karl Sagan is or what this means? I keep reading it and getting stuck and the curiosity is killing me.
"Keep looking here- trillions and billions (Karl Sagan eat your heart out!) of stories."
"Keep looking here- trillions and billions (Karl Sagan eat your heart out!) of stories."
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Karl Sagan was an astronomer and really, a philosopher, who narrated a television show twenty-some years ago called "Cosmos." He became famous for the phrase "billions and billions" because when you're talking about the universe, there are lots of things out there. Billions, even. I just looked it up, and he actually never said "billions and billions," which shows just how weird fame really is.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,680
Carl Sagan had a child like delight at the wonders of possibilities in the universe. His equivalent today if there is one is kind of Prof. Brian Cox. His Cosmos series was inspirational to me- he used to take us 'on a space ship of the imagination' to view his perceived wonders of the Universe. Explaining how wonderful everything out there (and possibly here) is through physics, maths- science in general.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: San Antonio, tx
Posts: 5
@preservation...Sorry It took so long to respond. Your words and the words of others on this site gave me strength. He did come home but I never let him in the house. I told him to either go to rehab or get back in his car and hit the road...he chose rehab. Strange enough, after being abandoned by him, my feelings towards him are almost non-existent. Maybe it's a coping mechanism, I don't know, but I feel almost nothing...other than disgust and anger. It is a year long rehab that is pretty tough...he can't even smoke cigarettes. I told him that I can't promise him I will be here when he's finished...if he finishes. If he wants this, HE will have to fix this. Until then, life goes on. Thank you for your wise words. I pray your situation will have a happy ending.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Good for you, PJ. I really do hope you journey IS peaceful!
>>>> He was absolutely wonderful, very attentive, very loving, and I thought of him deeply of the next 15 years while we were separated ( he and his family told me that he never dated during those 15 years because he couldn't see himself with anyone else other than me ).
Yeah... I'm suspecting no other woman would have him. I truly hope that a year long rehab can successfully rewire him. But it sounds like you are strong and not willing to put up with his addict ways -- and for that I say GOOD ON YOU and stay strong!
>>>> He was absolutely wonderful, very attentive, very loving, and I thought of him deeply of the next 15 years while we were separated ( he and his family told me that he never dated during those 15 years because he couldn't see himself with anyone else other than me ).
Yeah... I'm suspecting no other woman would have him. I truly hope that a year long rehab can successfully rewire him. But it sounds like you are strong and not willing to put up with his addict ways -- and for that I say GOOD ON YOU and stay strong!
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