Vegit8

So, it's that time of the year again. I need some ideas on what to do to deal with this. Our party is always a complete crapshoot. We always go to a place with a hotel near, and never go back to the same place twice as we are never welcome. We are cleverly disguised as professionals, but 90% of us are heavy drinkers or binge drinkers. (My boss has a bar fridge in her office and we are usually talking about drinking by 10am.) I actually have plastic shot glasses at my desk. Put us in a place where we can drink no holds barred, and its a nightmare. Last year they refused to serve any more booze to us 2 hours before they closed.

My dilemma, if I don't go, everyone will talk, if I do go, how do I resist the temptation of joining in?

MidnightRider

Let 'em talk...

JK130

Whoa! What a place to work for a sober person! The "party" sounds horrible actually. In your place, I'd totally find somewhere/anywhere else to be rather than attend. Perhaps with all the drinking they won't even notice. If they talk about you, it will be in admiration!

MidnightRider

Tell them you have to visit your sick Aunt Mary in Squamish.

Vegit8

Yeah, not go is probably the right call. I assume the inner feelings I am having about it being "so fun" are not taking into consideration the aftermath, I am only thinking of the party itself, not that feeling when Monday came and I had to do the walk of shame into the office hoping everyone else remembered as little as I did.... Or just hopefully chose not to discuss what they did remember.

This is gonna be a tough one.

Maudcat

Hi, Vegit8. You are not drinking now, I assume? I would suggest forgoing the party with a plausible yet unbreakable excuse. Hell, tell everyone that "Heck, yeah, I am going" then come down with a nasty stomach bug just before the party. I know! Food poisoning from the shrimp I had at lunch! Tasted dicey, but..Honestly, office parties are the worst when everyone is drinking. Give it a pass and enjoy the non-hangover the following morning.

Delizadee

What's to talk about? That you didn't drink? Maybe you have a problem?

So what if that's the truth because it is. The ones who are busy talking are the ones who probably are in denial of their own problems. Because I think it's pretty unusual for a non-drinker to make a big deal over someone else not drinking.

And if you're afraid that your once drinking buddies are going to pass judgment on you... do let that one go. YOU are the one that's way ahead of the game and what seems like judgment is likely jealousy at your own self-control.

"No thanks!" should suffice, pressed for an answer, "I just don't want to drink".
You should be proud of yourself. If you go and do not drink. If they make a fuss, that's THEIR problem. You win the Christmas party.

If you're really uncomfortable- just don't go. It's not worth risking your sobriety especially if it's fresh over a Christmas party.

Alternatively you could throw your own or another one, why not suggest a pot luck at lunch or invite some non-drinkers over for coffee and sparkling juices and some nibbles or appetizers.

Don't feel pushed into a corner because you are a sober one. That becomes many of our downfalls. Look for the upside and take advantage of it. You don't need to hide your sobriety.

noneever

I won't be attending any christmas parties this year. Your work Christmas party sounds horrible. I'd call in sick.

Dee74

My vote would be stay away, yeah.

D

HopeandFaith1

I don't know Vegit8 that doesn't sound like fun at all. It kind of boggles my mind that a company would nurture that type of behavior in this day and age. The place I work at used to have parties like that years ago. But really bad things happened such as people hooking up at the parties, and fights, and sexually aggressive behavior from both sexes. Lots of people got fired or demoted and they finally stopped encouraging heavy drinking at work parties. And the parties are a lot more pleasant now.

I can't imagine how going to the party much less working there could possibly be good for you if you're sobering up. I do see from your point of view how this could be a dilemma. I say avoid the entire situation and who cares what they think. It doesn't sound like anything good can come of it. Best of luck to you!

Berrybean

Exactly what I was going to say.

Delilah1

I think your best bet is to skip the party as well. Instead of remembering the fun you had at the party, think about the hangover you had the next day. Nobody wants to repeat that feeling.

I promise it gets easier.

❤️ Delilah

MissPerfumado

Don't go.

If you are newly sober especially, stay the heck away. Actually, no matter how long you've been sober, there is no reason to go.

There is not one work Christmas party I went to that I look back upon and think: thank goodness I went, that really was good for my career.

totfit

I like the "let em talk" response. It was going to be mine, but it is taken. The reality is that we are not nearly so much a topic as our ego or "self" thinks we are. I think "I just can't make it" is good enough.

August252015

Or....consider that they really won't, much, or it's their problem if they do. Two maxims I was told early on and have found to be true: most people really don't care about our drinking; those that do, likely have a problem themselves, or at least too much interest in "worrying" about others.

I'd either choose not to go (that's what I am doing for our company part which is a Thanksgiving bash), and folks may talk about what a ******** I was last year....so what? They see now that I am not that person - or, I'd go and have a plan (hands occupied, escape route and excuse, a wingman, the whole deal) and no matter what I chose to do....let everyone else do them. I gotta do me.

Make staying sober your sole priority. Decide if you should go and if so, how you'll handle it.
I am a believer in never putting myself in a situation that could jeopardize my emotional sobriety, let alone my physical one. I say no if there's ever a doubt about the first, because it would lead to the latter. I don't have to say no often these days, because the problem has been removed for me, but I let my intuition speak and follow it if I get even an inkling of unease.

Good luck.

Meraviglioso

Stay far away. they sound like the kind of crowd that might give you a little nagging and pester you. I like the "yep, I'm in wouldn't miss it!"and then bail at the last minute with food poisoning or a family emergency.

LadyBlue0527

I wouldn't attend. What kind of fun is it to hang out with a bunch of people whose sole purpose is to get annihilated? If they'd give you grief and you don't want to discuss your sobriety I would seriously just start talking about how you feel like crap the day before.

Kudos to you being able to work in that environment. No one has problems with drinking at my office. Bottles of vodka, rum, etc are all over the place. But if you don't drink, you don't. They don't care. Not sure how I'd feel if I had to deal with peer pressure.

The short answer is do anything necessary to protect your sobriety.

Nowsthetime

Make up something if you don't feel confortable.

I bet that once the booze starts flowing nobody will be thinking about your absence. You will in your heart what's best...

This is about YOU and YOUR life!

teaorcoffee

I'm not going to mine. The fact is ours is pretty crap event, so those that do go get wasted to alleviate the boredom.

BrendaChenowyth

I don't see myself being invited to any this season, I am not very socially connected as yet...

My family doesn't drink much... If we do go to my uncle's Christmas party, I won't have a problem sticking to water, despite the sheer volume of liquor that will be present.

If I did go to a social event where there was alcohol, I would just have to plan for an early night. When you do stay late, you find that folks have strapped on a few, and you will find it harder to relate to them if you're sober. Just depending on your resolve, that could be a really uncomfortable situation.

When in doubt, make it an early night. Really consider if making an appearance is necessary, and if the host, and other guests would be disappointed not to see you there. If they truly would be, go, catch up with those people, eat some food, and then tell the host "I'm gonna call it an early night, thank you for inviting me".